Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Insert Coin: Bad Dudes

The game starts in New York City, where President Ronnie has been kidnapped by the nefarious DragonNinja. A Secret Service agent asks two street-smart brawlers, named Blade and Striker. ‘President Ronnie has been kidnapped by the ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue Ronnie?’ After hearing that, the Bad Dudes pursue the DragonNinja through the city streets, highway, sewers, transport train, forest, cave and into the secret ninja base in order to save President Ronnie.

There is nothing like waking up in the middle of the day and going out in your sweatpants, tank top, and Converse and whipping some ninja ass. Bad Dudes was a game so fun I almost missed my bus a couple dozen times because of it. They had it at this liquor store and I would play the hell out of this, never beating it or getting to the end.

                                     Truck ninjas are no match for Bro-Fu!

The President has been kidnapped by a group so cool they don’t separate their name and some guy asks a couple of random slackers to save his life by taunting them? He might as well said “Hey, ladies. How about taking your dick beaters off those brewskies and mannin’ up for once in your miserable lives and saving the goddamn President of the U. S. of A?!


You know what I liked about fighting games back then? There was always a level where you fought on a moving vehicle. No one ever thought to tell the driver “Dude, you should totally slam on the brakes!” I would’ve. That shit is amusing to me. Apparently ninja stars and swords are no match for a old fashioned kick to the face. And what kinda organization has this many ninjas at their disposal? And who trains them? Ed Wynn?

                                                        “Life is for the living!”

After all the pain and struggle you went through you deserve a medal of honor. A parade. A street named after you in the least. There were two of you when this started. Did both of you survive? Maybe you lost your best friend during the battle that began when that asshole dared you to save a President nobody likes in the 80’s. When all is said and done, what riches can you and your fellow broseph expect from someone in control of one of the richest countries in the world? A goddamn hamburger!?!?!

                                             “Did I mention it has cheese…?”

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