I finally watched the hottest new film Saturday Night Fever! Huh? It came out when?! Whaaaa…?! So yeah, I got to see this movie for the first time. With this movie I had seen so many spoofs and clips that it felt like I had seen it but it turns out that even what I thought was the premise turned out to be wrong. For one, John Travolta as Tony Manero was a total dick. He walked around with his pack of asshole friends making racist limericks and getting drunk, high, and banging random ass broads all the time. Its pretty much my life but in 1977.
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| Getting high and drunk in cars is cool...when you're 15. |
So Tony is 19 and lives at home with his loud ass family. He has a brother that’s a priest that wants to quit and does much to the dismay of his mother and loser father. He spends his money on getting new clothes for the disco club and there’s this chick named Annette played by the mom from Out Of This World who wants Tony and is super desperate about it. Shit is not cute. She dances well with him and he tells her she will be his partner for the dance competition. Then he meets another girl and dumps Annette for her.
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| I totally would've banged Annette. |
The new chick, Stephanie is a total bitch! She is mean to him, makes her life seem so much better than his, and though she is a real dancer like in the real world I laughed whenever she started to dance in this movie. She was so stiff I waited for those chicks from The Craft to come and lift her ass off the ground using just their fingers.
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| Pictured: asshole. |
After a few rape attempts throughout the film, fake suicides, one and a half successful rapes, a brawl against the wrong gang, losing a job, getting it back, and the death of a friend who just found it his girlfriend was pregnant, Tony heads to be with the woman that treated him like shit the movie ends. Uh…how is this one of the best films of all time?! Are you people mad?!
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| Worst. Night. Ever. |
I liked the music fine but the main character was so unlikable I feel bad for women who were adults during this time since this inspired so many guys to be complete dicks. I watched this two days ago and still feel bad for Annette! Poor chubby thing. This was the first movie I ever saw where at the beginning of the credit’s the soundtrack was listed. I couldn’t help but imitate Travolta for the rest of the night after seeing this movie. In the last dance in the movie I was like “This dance is shit!” and he agreed. He won but gave the money and trophy back showing that he was only 96% asshole.
Yes, this is another film I had never seen before. And before you ask, no I have not seen Footloose either. Hey, fuck you, okay?! I was busy watching old Black films I had no business watching and playing outside. So I thought this movie was about some guy that meets a stick in the mud chick and turns her into a sex bomb with dance. Just like in real life. I was quite off. First off it takes place in the 60’s, not the 80’s like I believed. And Patrick Swayze’s character Johnny Castle is a dick! Come on with the dick!
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| She got abs watching the help clean her room. |
Jennifer Grey plays Frances “Baby” Houseman, who everyone calls Baby. She and her family vacation with a bunch of other rich folks at this place where Johnny and a bunch of others teach dance to rich old ladies who are all about the cock. So one day Baby heads to this place where all the dancers hang out and there is a full on dancing fuck fest going on! People are rubbing all up on each other and getting thighs pregnant and stuff. Johnny tries to teach Baby to dance but she’s not that good at it.
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| Threeway? No? Oh. I'll just watch this then... |
There’s this other dancing chick that is really good but she gets knocked up by some asshole on staff who doesn’t care. Baby gets some cash from her dad, like $250, for an abortion. She gets it and the guy does to her vagina what Godzilla did to Japan and Baby’s dad has to save her. He does and her dad gets pissed. She continues to learn to dance because wrecked vagina dancer cant do it. Over time Baby and Johnny start to like one another. Hell, even if I think you’re ugly if I rub my dick against your leg enough times I’ll fall in love with you.
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| Taking a break from fuck dancing to give butterfly kisses. |
Baby learns all the moves but the dance gets changed to some lame bullshit because some guy who thinks he’s the man hates Johnny and Baby’s fling. Johnny shows up and is like “They wanna fire me but fuck that I’m gonna dance my way into your hearts!” And he does. He and Baby dance their asses off and everyone starts to dance and everything is right with the world. I don’t know about you, but I had the time of my life. And I never felt this way before.
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| "Don't drop me!" |
I wonder what happened to Johnny after this. I doubt Baby’s dad welcomed him with open arms. Her dad didn’t wanna listen to shit and jump to conclusions. He almost gave the dude that got the broken vagina dame money until the guy started bumping his gums like “Oh, man, thanks for fixing her vagina. You know how shit is.” This movie was good and way better than Saturday Night Fever.
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| Millions of women were shocked to discover Swayze had a face. |
I could actually imagine women liking Johnny. I feel bad for men during this period because I’m sure when guys took their girls to see this movie the girls looked at their boyfriends and were like “When’s the last time you lifted me over your head?” and they were like “Probably around the last time you put down a fork, you cow!” No guy could live up to Johnny’s character. Patrick Swayze still looks better than me…now.
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