The Classics Part 9

Back when I was around ten years old I was sitting at home watching an episode of Superstars on a Saturday morning as I usually did. On this particular episode I had my mind blown by a situation involving John Tenta also known as Earthquake. This was back in the day when the audience barely brought signs and the only time fans were brought into the ring was when Ted DiBiase would offer money for things (fact: a young Rob Van Dam was one of these fans and kissed some sweaty ass just wrestled feet for a hundred bucks) or when Rick Rude would jam his tongue down some woman's throat.

So The Ultimate Warrior, Dino Bravo, and Jimmy Hart are in the ring doing what was cool back then but makes me groan now which were tests of strength. Tests of strength, pregnancies, and weddings never work out in wrestling. Now, in my house you were either a Hulk Hogan guy or a Warrior guy. My oldest brother was a Warrior guy as well as me, so when Hart called this big ass dude into the ring to sit on the back's of Bravo and Warrior we knew Warrior would win because fuck you its The Ultimate Warrior. This guy could do anything.

So this guy, John, gets on Bravo's back and I'm shouting “He isn't sitting all the way! He's cheating!” “Mean” Gene is there in the ring and everyone is amazed. Next it was Warrior's turn. John gets on his back and then just drops! I get all emotional and shit channeling my inner Jim Ross. “Oh, my god! He's been broken in half!”

Next comes the beatdown of Warrior, Okurland bounces out the ring not even trying to offer help, and a young me is wondering why security is letting this fat dude out of the audience beat up a wrestler. “That's not fair! There's two of 'em!” I'm shouting and my brother is just shaking his head probably wondering why he decided to share the gift of wrestling with me.

Next thing you know this guy from the crowd gets a name and outfit and becomes Earthquake which made me smile because I was born and raised in Los Angeles. His finisher is a simple leap into the air and dropping all his weight on someone laying in the ring. Sounds lame by today's standards but so does Hogan's legdrop. Its all about who is doing it. In this case it was a large Canadian man.

Earthquake went on to have a pretty good career. Lots of non-wrestling fans actually know of him as Earthquake and will ask what happened to him. He sadly passed away from cancer a few years back but will always have a place in my heart as the guy that traumatized me when he jumped onto Jake “The Snake” Roberts bag, squashing his snake Damien. Seriously.