Theater Whore: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2/10

At the end of this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie Megan Fox has a facial expression and it caught me off guard. That isn't a good way for me to start this off. This movie didn't need to be made. I know it isn't for fans of the comic books or animated series. Any of the animated series. And if it is for new fans, you know, trying to bring them in then it seems like they would have put a little more effort into making these characters likable or at the very least cool. It failed on every level from the acting, the voices, the action, and the plot. My god, the plot! And please don't point out how much money this made. Transformers has made a shit ton of money and those films are absolute ass.

Spoilers ahead.

The Hate Can't Wait: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

When I first heard that there was a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie coming out I was intrigued. I wondered how they would translate the characters that many of us grew up with and loved. Then I found out that Michael Bay was doing it and I tried to through my childhood in the basement so that it wouldn't find out about it. But it was too late. The damage was done.

9 year old Dante is not a reasonable version of me. If you think this version of me makes no sense picture a smaller version of me that has three times the amount of energy and no concept of things like movies not being made specifically for him. I take things from my childhood being fucked with as a personal attack.