Theater Whore: Divergent

Divergent 2/10

I took one for the team again. I decided to check out this movie Divergent even though there are far better films out to see right now but I'm waiting until later this week to check them out. I have not read the books and I am glad because then I can't get upset about what was left out or added. As someone going in blind I have to say that this movie was pretty damned bad. Before I start ranting I should probably say what the movie is about, right?

"Seriously, who are you? You can't be the chick on the poster."

Set in the future where the world looks bland and fucked over (as usual) a girl named Beatrice “Tris” Prior played by Shailene Woodley has to choose what she wants to do with her life. There are different factions and she chooses one that shocks her family even though in reality she is a Divergent which means she won't really belong to any of the factions. She chooses what appears to be the douche faction called Dauntless. They are living breathing Mountain Dew commercials.

Celebrity Spank Bank 3

The year 2011 will not be remembered for all the bullshit Occupy Movements. It will not be remembered for all the natural disasters. It will not be remembered for the random celebrity deaths. No. 2011 will be remembered as the year the Celebrity Spank Bank took its hardest hits ever. Seriously, it lost so many actresses and singers to marriage and pregnancies. Babies have been cockblocking for years now and it needs to end. With all this in mind I decided that it was time for a brand new class to be entered into the Spank Bank. Click here to see the first one and click here to see the second.

Emily Browning. You all may know her from Sucker Punch or the part of my brain I keep locked away because I value freedom too much. She’s in the new Sleeping Beauty movie which I may not see since I hear its about girls being drugged up and old men in their draws staring at them. Why would I pay good money to see what I do on weekends? The scary thing about this chick is that she will get hotter the older she gets. She is being inducted because she has staying power and will not be having kids anytime soon. Thigh high socks are the super championship edition of life!

FAP FILES: Hot Daughters Of Celebrities

In my never ending quest to ensure I get to cut in line when I arrive in Hell, I decided to make a list of the Hot Daughters Of Celebrities. There were way more to find than I thought there would be. Some really unattractive actors have really cute daughters. A few that didn’t quite make my list were Liv Tyler, Mick Jagger’s daughter, and Clint Eastwood’s daughter. But I still have more than enough fap leftover. This Fap File is one for the ages.

Bria Murphy. This is the daughter of the used to be funny Eddie Murphy. I didn’t know that this girl existed until a few weeks ago. Turns out her mom is hot too. I have to give credit to Murphy for being able to pick hot chicks. And weak genes. Because this poor girl could’ve easily turned out looking like Charlie Murphy in a wig. She recently did a photo shoot for Maxim and Vibe Magazine where she looks the business! I give those titties four thumbs up! If you get that reference you win the internets for the day. I have no idea what she does for a living or whether or not she has a talent besides looking hot. She’s a hot chick so its not like she needs talent. I'm sure someone out there just said "That's not true!" to which I say "Tell me what the weather is like on Neptune when you finish riding your talking green pony."