Theater Whore: Maleficent

Maleficent 7/10

I decided to check out Maleficent because it seemed like it would be an interesting movie. I wasn't really excited and am not the biggest fan of Sleeping Beauty, but because this was based upon a villain that tends to be loved by hot women I checked it out. Yeah. I'm that easy. I was surprised at how good this turned out to be. I mean, come on. Its Angelina Jolie looking better than she has in years. I forget that she is a good actress since I get caught up in her personal life. She hasn't done a film in almost five years so I had to watch this.

This movie pretty much proved to me that in a situation where there are humans and magical creatures that 9 times out of 10 the humans will just up and be dicks for close to no reason. In the woods there are creatures, monsters, and Maleficent living together all happy. She's young and one day some tree monsters catch some little boy named Stefan who was trying to steal something. They meet and over the years they fall in love with one another. After time passes he stops visiting, an army tries to invade, and she finds out that his punk ass is married now and has a kid on the way. Bad move.

"Bad Mamma Jamma": Angelina Jolie

“I love to put on lotion. Sometimes I'll watch TV and go into a lotion trance for an hour. I try to find brands that don't taste bad in case anyone wants to taste me.” Angelina Jolie

This weeks Bad Mamma Jamma and probably one of the few actresses I believe would be able to cause actual bodily harm to me is Angelina Jolie! I first got a gander at her in the movie Hackers which was a cool movie but whatever did you see the lips on this girl and the ass because I sure as hell did and I keep wishing that one day she is gonna gain 30 pounds and cut her hair and look like that again! Phew. Jolie is like Milla Jovovich is Milla made better acting choices every once in a while. Jolie got a lot of attention (in film) from her role in Girl, Interrupted. Oh, and that movie Gia that for whatever reason I cant sit through even though she shows all the goods in it. There's also a young Mila Kunis as well and if that gets you excited Chris Hanson will be paying you a visit shortly.

FAP FILES: Hot Daughters Of Celebrities

In my never ending quest to ensure I get to cut in line when I arrive in Hell, I decided to make a list of the Hot Daughters Of Celebrities. There were way more to find than I thought there would be. Some really unattractive actors have really cute daughters. A few that didn’t quite make my list were Liv Tyler, Mick Jagger’s daughter, and Clint Eastwood’s daughter. But I still have more than enough fap leftover. This Fap File is one for the ages.

Bria Murphy. This is the daughter of the used to be funny Eddie Murphy. I didn’t know that this girl existed until a few weeks ago. Turns out her mom is hot too. I have to give credit to Murphy for being able to pick hot chicks. And weak genes. Because this poor girl could’ve easily turned out looking like Charlie Murphy in a wig. She recently did a photo shoot for Maxim and Vibe Magazine where she looks the business! I give those titties four thumbs up! If you get that reference you win the internets for the day. I have no idea what she does for a living or whether or not she has a talent besides looking hot. She’s a hot chick so its not like she needs talent. I'm sure someone out there just said "That's not true!" to which I say "Tell me what the weather is like on Neptune when you finish riding your talking green pony."