Theater Whore: Maleficent

Maleficent 7/10

I decided to check out Maleficent because it seemed like it would be an interesting movie. I wasn't really excited and am not the biggest fan of Sleeping Beauty, but because this was based upon a villain that tends to be loved by hot women I checked it out. Yeah. I'm that easy. I was surprised at how good this turned out to be. I mean, come on. Its Angelina Jolie looking better than she has in years. I forget that she is a good actress since I get caught up in her personal life. She hasn't done a film in almost five years so I had to watch this.

This movie pretty much proved to me that in a situation where there are humans and magical creatures that 9 times out of 10 the humans will just up and be dicks for close to no reason. In the woods there are creatures, monsters, and Maleficent living together all happy. She's young and one day some tree monsters catch some little boy named Stefan who was trying to steal something. They meet and over the years they fall in love with one another. After time passes he stops visiting, an army tries to invade, and she finds out that his punk ass is married now and has a kid on the way. Bad move.

As an adult Sharlto Copley plays Stefan. He goes to warn maleficent of another attack and gets her drunk. She wakes up to discover that he cut her wings off. He did that! She saves a crow from being killed by turning him into a man, tells him he's gonna help, and she marches to the castle like “Hey, asshole! Remember me? Yeah. Daughter is cursed. Say somethin'.” Stefan has his daughter live with three fairies who kinda jack up the tone of the film. The daughter, Aurora played by Elle Fanning, grows up happy. She even meets Maleficent but doesn't know that she is evil until way later.

Over time Maleficent starts to like and care for Aurora. She even saves her life at one point. As Aurora's birthday nears she meets a boy, finds out that her father is alive, and rushes to see him. He's like “You look just like your dead mother. Lock her up!” She ends up escaping by knocking on the door. They may as well have handcuffed her with toilet paper. She ends up pricking her finger on a spinning wheel in a room full of the one thing that could put her in a coma! I shit you not, the room is nothing but spinning wheels! Then crazy ass action ensues.

Its like locking me in Whole Foods. 

This was good. There were parts that seemed to kinda drag on but mostly when those three fairies were on screen. I could've easily watched this entire movie if it were just about Maleficent and her relationship with Stefan over the years. Whenever Maleficent was on screen it was like “Whoa.” She was breathtaking. Prepare to see way too many of her this Halloween!

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