Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Spoiler Alert: Game Of Thrones "The Children" Episode

If there's one thing that Game Of Thrones has taught me, or GOT as the kids say, is that it is silly to get attached to people. If you watch GOT and there is someone you have attached yourself to chance are they are gonna die horribly. They wont just disappear like that youngest Stark kid (not Bran...the other one). They won't get replaced by a character that looks nothing like that swarthy guy hanging out with Daenerys. No. They will get burned, stabbed, poisoned, beheaded, or have their face squeezed until it explodes. That has happened on this show!

There are people that wont even try and watch GOT because they think its about violence, dragons, and sex. True, all three of these exist but there's far more to this show than that. I watched 24 this season and forgot how violent that show is. But fuck all that. I'm not here to sell you on GOT. If you don't watch it you're just choosing to not watch a great show. Your loss. I'm here to talk about the season finale of season 4! And if you can't tell by the title, I'm gonna spoil the shit out of this.
Jon Snow has left The Wall after that cray ass battle last episode and has gone off to meet with the Wildlings leader, Mance Rayder. Mance is like “There is some bad shit coming and we just wanna get through The Wall.” Jon says that he will try to see if that can happen when suddenly they hear a bunch of horses and men. Mance thinks that Jon set him up but that isn't close to the case.

Stannis Baratheon shows up with thousands of soldiers and he's all “I am the true king. Kneel.” Mance doesn't take too kindly to that and tells him that he kneels for no one. Stannis is close to having him killed when Jon lets Stannis know that his father, Ned Stark, would have spoken to the prisoner and gotten information. This saves Mance's life. Jon tell Stannis that he needs to burn all of the dead. This is to prevent them from becoming Walkers. They burn all the bodies and Jon takes Ygritte's body out into the woods to burn her.

Bran, after traveling for so damned long, finally find this magic tree from his visions. The boy and girl who also have some sort of powers named Jojen an Meera are dragging their asses since Jojen is hurt. Suddenly skeleton hands start popping out of the snow! Bran uses his power to control Hodor who starts beating the shit out of skeleton men! Jojen ends up getting stabbed to death and a little girl that looks like Tinkerbell from hell shows up hurling fireballs. They all escape into a cave except for Jojen who gets burnt to a crisp to prevent him from becoming a Walker. Bran finds the three-eyed crow and its an old man that tells him he has a special purpose and will one day fly. No walking for you, kid.

Meanwhile, Daenerys is sitting in a place she recently freed from its masters and there are lines of people with issues. While their life may have been lived in slavery, at least shit was consistent. This old man is like “Thanks for freeing me from my master. That was nice of you. But, uh, since I'm not a teacher with a job anymore I am beaten by younger people and have no food because it gets taken. Can you sell me back to my master?” At first Daenerys is mad because she thinks that what she is doing is awesome, but she is slowly starting to see that you can't just “free” people with no real follow up. Another guy shows the corpse of his daughter that her crazy ass black dragon torched for no reason. No one has seen the dragon in days and she freaks out and chains up her other two dragons in a cave. Good for her. Still not a fan.

"Bitch, didn't you know I'm ker-raaaaazaaaaay???!!!"

Brienne and Podrick wake up with their horses missing because Podrick is close to worthless. They stumble across Arya practicing her sword. Brienne realizes who she is and tells her that she promised her mother that she would get her to safety. The Hound walks up and he and Brienne get into a disagreement that leads to one of the most awesome, brutal, evenly matched fights not only on GOT but television! Their is dick punching, vagina kicking, stabbing, headbutts, rock smacking, and an ear is torn off. It was awesome but sucked because they are two of my favorite characters on the show.

Brienne wins after Arya slips away during the battle. The Hound is laying at the bottom of the rocks dying. He tells Arya to kill him so she can cross a name off her list but she just looks at him, waiting for him to die. Hound starts talking about wanting to rape her sister and how he killed her friend a while back. She just walks away from him leaving him to die. She hitches a ride on a boat using a coin she got from The Faceless Man, Jaqen H'ghar, last season. Its pretty fucked up and made me see that Arya is a completely different person now. That little girl is officially hardcore.

In King's Landing Cersei talks to this doctor and tells him to save the Mountain. This big son of a bitch has nasty wounds all over his body and the doctor says he has a technique that may work. She goes to her father, Tywin, and tells him that the rumors he heard are true. He acts like he doesn't know what she is talking about. Of course its the fact that she and her brother Jaime have been fucking each other for years and that Joffrey's punkass is their kid. He's like “Lalalalalala! I don't wanna hear it! You're gonna marry this random dude and go away and Tyrion is gonna be executed!” She goes to Jaime and explains what she just did. Then they fuck.

Later that night Jaime lets Tyrion out of his cell and tells him that he's set up an escape for him. He sets out but makes a stop in his father's room and sees his old girlfriend Shae in Tywin's bed! They get into a fight and he ends up strangling her to death. Good! She was such an asshole during his trial. Then he grabs a crossbow and finds his father sitting on the shitter. They go back and forth and after calling Shae a whore a couple of times he gets two arrows in his chest and dies. Tyrion meets up with Varys (the eunich) and is shipped in a crate. Varys hears the alarm bells ringing and is like “Well...shit” and gets on the boat with Tyrion.

This was a damned good season finale. There were a few characters left out but it was fine. They sent the whole previous episode at The Wall and before that they showed Sansa and Little Finger maybe possibly hooking up. Meek, the asshole that betrayed the Stark's, is pretending to be normal again and that wasn't touched on. I can't wait to see how the next season goes. Not sure when it airs but I'll be sure to watch the hell out of it.

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Hoozle said...

That was one of the most brutal fights I've ever seen on television. None of the grace or choreography of most violence, just pure fucking each other up. Wah.

Dante said...

I was hoping that someone would break the fight up but after a certain point there was no going back. You don't go back after rock smashy.