Theater Whore: 2 Guns

So I decided to see 2 Guns which turned out to be a major mistake. I didn't think it would be possible to make a film starring Denzel Washington, Mark Wahlberg, Edward James Olmos, and Bill Paxton not interesting. At the very least you'd think it would very difficult. Turns out that I was wrong. If I had known that this was based off a graphic novel I would have lowered my expectations for it since those are notoriously hard to adapt for film. But I'm stupid and always do my research after the fact. 

"You read the script? Yeah. Me neither."

This movie is about two people double crossing each other at the same time while also being double crossed by the agencies they work for (DEA and the military) who are in turn being double crossed by a federal agent who is also being double crossed by a Mexican drug lord. See what I mean? It got to a point where I wasn't sure what the hell was going on but I knew no matter what that these two would be friends till the end!

The story telling in this was so inconsistent. I know that it is billed as an action/comedy but come on. Movies are doing this thing now where it goes from extreme violence to someone cracking a joke to lighten the tension but to me its like "No! You do not get to joke right now! That man's head is in a bowling bag!" The way Wahlberg's character acts he would have been shot and killed years ago by his own partner because no one is willing to put up with that level of bullshit, not even from their bestfriend. 

Paula Patton is pretty much the only woman in this film and I'm not sure if that is the reason why she seems so out of her depth. I cant recall any previous instances where her acting blew me away but, by god, she is so bad in this. You can almost hear her struggle to get through lines that sound like they were written by a teenager that has never spoken to or heard a woman in their life. Even her being topless did nothing for me. Her nipples were nothing to write home about. 

"I'm pretty so...yeah."

Paxton is pretty good in this but I'd liked to see his character in a film that would have allowed him to be incredible. He is just wasted in this. That's another thing I am starting to notice in movies: one person seeming to take everything seriously while everyone else just kinda floats through the movie until it ends. 

Olmos is wasted as well. His character was a cartoon version of every Mexican drug lord. "Instead of killing you for all the shit you have done I will torture you and have my bull attack you. What? Government agents? Okay. I will set you free to go get my money back and act shocked when you don't come through." Anyone could have played this role and you know what? I wouldn't have complained as much but the fact that I know he is such a great actor makes his role in this that much worse. 

While watching this I wondered why it was made. Besides just not giving a damn about a movie this is a bad reaction for me to have when watching something. I know that hundreds of people put their energy into making this movie but it came off as a bullshit film that has been done many times before in much better ways. It has everything I like in movies (guns, fighting, titties) but it didn't click together for me. I checked who the director was and he also did a previous Wahlberg film, Contraband, and that movie also managed to take a bunch of good actors and waste them. I know this was number one when it came out but if you waited until this was on cable it would be a good idea. 

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