Kim Kardashian is getting married this weekend! Penises will be flown at half staff in honor of this unholy union.
Kat Von D is back with Jesse James. Thank god. These two need to be attached so as to not ruin two other people’s lives.
More Kat Von D news! Her show L.A Ink has been cancelled. “Meh” Fountain & La Brea said.
A comic book was made about Lindsay Lohan. As if comic book sales weren’t bad enough…
Someone released pepper spray into the vents at a Lil Wayne show in Canada. I’m still trying to think of a joke but the situation alone is funny enough.
Julia Roberts was photographed in a bikini. “I’m sorry!” Eyes told Brain.
Jonah Hill lost a shit ton of weight and it makes me uncomfortable.
Chris Tucker is going back to stand up. I swear I forgot he used to be funny.
Brad Pitt is currently ruining World War Z by making it into a film that sounds nothing like World War Z. “Sorry. I cant hear your bitching over all the 'ching ching'!” author Max Brooks probably said.
Is Marc Anthony keeping Jennifer Lopez from appearing on American Idol?! “Fuck you, ni**a, I’ll kill you! Please believe me! Please believe me!” he sang to reporters.
Jennifer Aniston continues to make bad relationship decisions. In other obvious news water is wet, chicken is good, and the Pacific Ocean is salty.
David Cross and Amber Tamblyn are engaged. Google each of them. I’ll quote you all now. “Whaaaaa…?!”
David Letterman has been getting death threats. I’m looking at you, Leno.
Danny Devito received a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. So soon?
Daniel Radcliffe aka Harry Potter is dating someone. Signus Prenuptuos!
And for no reason Stacy Keibler!
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