Gossip & Shit August 15th 2011

Gene Simmons called Michael Jackson a pedophile but will perform at his tribute show. Good for him.

Hayley Marie Norman, the crazy chick that banged Will Smith in Hancock, was arrested for vandalism. Ladies, don’t write “CUNT” on people’s apartments.

Halle Berry is 45 and looks like Halle Berry. “Just you wait…” Gravity said.

Brooke Hogan posed nude. “That was a waste…” Stomach said as I looked at my lunch that was now on the floor.

Someone married Tara Reid. Yeah. That happened.

Mandy Moore is fighting malaria in Africa. Hope she wears protection. Malaria fights dirty.

Orlando Brown, the fat kid with dreads from That’s So Raven, was arrested for a DUI. “That’s so not Raven…” I said as I smiled to myself.

Charlie Sheen is doing stuff that I don’t care about. Like breathing.

Jessica Alba had another fucking baby. Didn’t she just have a kid like last week?! “Yes!” her vagina replied.

Haven’t heard any news from Lindsey Lohan in weeks. She should be stealing, drinking or snorting something any second now…

Her ex-girlfriend on the other hand Samantha Ronson was arrested for a DUI last week. Way to pick up the slack!

Remake of Footloose on the way. I cant wait to miss this!

Kate Hudson named her baby Bingham. Like life wont be hard enough having her for a mom. You see her boobs? That baby gonna starve!

Entourage is in its last season. I stopped caring years ago. Turtle is skinny now.

Nicki Minaj continues to give every man breathing a lap dance.

Kate Gosselin (of Jon & Kate Plus 8) had a new show in the works with TLC. They said “No thanks…” Well played, TLC.

Taylor Swift wears spanks which are the unsexiest article of clothing ever. Ever.

Olivia Wilde won a Do Something Award. Is acting what she’s going to start doing…?

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard are married?! “The fuck?!” Penis God Lord of All Male Genitalia screamed in rage.

Pippa Middleton has a famous ass. Women are getting booty surgery to have it. Women have just set themselves back 83 years. Don't worry. Voting isn't that fun anyway.

And for no reason Jenna Von Oy!