Theater Whore: Fright Night

“Hey, guy. You've been watching me. I've been watching you. Your mom. There's a kind of neglect. Gives off a kind of scent. And your girl? She is ripe. It's on you to look out for them because there are a lot of bad people out there, Charlie.”

When someone says something like this to you in my world that means its either time to run until my feet burst into flames or kill something. So I watched Fright Night. I wont even call it a remake since that would be insulting to the original. This was utter shit in every sense of the word.

Starring Anton Yelchin (Star Trek, The Beaver, The Smurfs) as Charlie. He’s a kid trying to be cool and ignoring his nerdy friend Ed played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad, Role Models, Marmaduke) who thinks that Charlie’s neighbor Jerry is a vampire. Jerry the Vampire is played by Colin Farrell (Horrible Bosses, In Bruge, SWAT).

Of course Charlie doesn’t believe him and his friend Ed gets turned into a vampire that cant do a damned thing right. Except die. Seriously, they say these are vampire but then this TV guy who says he doesn’t believe but then really does say they are South American creatures.

                                                   Always blaming the Latinos…

No one believes Charlie so he decides to take Jerry on. Lots of goofy car chases and shit ensue. Charlie at one point tries to go toe to toe with Jerry and whips out a cross. A-ha! Now we’ll see who’s the top dog, eh?! Well, not really.

                                           Crosses. A minor inconvenience.

After escaping Charlie gets this bit of information. “You kill the vampire with this its supposed to turn everyone back.” Oh, really? You tell him this now?! Seriously, if people were as stupid in real life as they were in this movie vampires or whatever the fuck Jerry is would’ve taken over the planet over a holiday weekend. So Charlie gets this information after offing his friend.

                     Would have been nice to know before I killed McLovin!

So yeah. Bad special effects, Bad and corny ass acting. I said corny, not cheesy. Cheesy I can deal with and even laugh about. But the acting in this was terrible. And even though some of the teens aren’t really that old they are old looking in this. And for whatever reason Toni Collette is in this. The guy who directed it did a few episodes of her show United States of Tara so I guess that explains that. But still, no need for her to be wasted in this shittery.