I have been seeing the trailer for Cowboys & Aliens for a long ass time. So long that I no longer even cared to see it. But I broke down and watched it. The story has a very basic every day premise. Cowboy wakes up with no memory, has a laser gun attached to his wrist, fights invaders. You know. The usual.
Daniel Craig (Layer Cake, Casino Royal, Munich) stars as lost cowboy Jake Lonergan. He wakes up bleeding and in the middle of the desert with a big ass bracelet stuck to his wrist. He makes it to a run down town that of course is run by a crooked ass guy played by Harrison Ford (do I really need to tell you what films he’s been in?!). His son played by Paul Dano (There Will be Blood, Where The Wild Things Are) Percy Dolarhyde, a cowardly asshole who walks around town firing his guns.
After Lonergan and Percy are arrested, Percy for shooting a guy in the arm and Lonergan for kicking everyone’s ass, these spaceships show up out of nowhere and start blasting the shit out of everyone and snatching them into their ships. Ford aka The Colonel round up a posse and they go hunting for aliens.
After being attacked by aliens and tracking them down they bump into some robbers who were run by Lonergan and Indians who of course offer them drugs. Lonergan gets his memory back and they continue hunting aliens. Olivia Wilde (House, Tron) gets killed by one of the aliens and has her body burned by the Indians and comes back alive. Turns out she’s an alien who came to Earth to help save it…by looking like a whore in a town in the middle of Bumfuck, Texas.
Not to digress, but I love the fact that she came here to save our race and took the form of a hot ass chick. That sounds way dangerous to me. Its not like if one of the dirt people living in town decided to rape her she could do anything. Apparently she doesn’t have any powers except to take on a human form and get killed by being slapped by an alien. Speaking of the aliens…
They looked like frogs from hell. These big froggy ass creatures that were butt ass naked and have this cool technology. They came to Earth because they want gold. That’s right. Gold. As Lonergan has flashbacks of when he was on their ship when he got the laser gun he hurt an alien who of curse finds him for revenge. I’d like to think aliens are above such things but I guess not.
Assholes.
I know it sounds like I’m dogging this movie but I did like it. Its funny and the action is good. If this was just a cowboy film it would’ve been fine. The shit between Paul Dano and Daniel Craig alone could be a great film. Just have the two of them in a covered wagon going back and forth and I’ll see it. I would have liked to see Sam Rockwell (Matchstick Men, Iron Man 2, Moon) used better but I’ll take what I can get. There’s no need to really rush out and see this. Catch it in the middle of the day or with some friends.
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