Tuesday, August 16, 2011

FAP FILES: Helen Mirren

Helen Mirren who was born Ilyena Lydia Vasilievna Mironov is old. She is 66. And hot. I remember when I saw her at an awards show and I was like “That is a hot broad!” Yes, I still use the term broad. I know some people aren’t into older chicks. I call those people asshats. You can not look at this picture and have pants that are not tight. Unless you’re Stevie Wonder. In which case you’d rub the screen and then yourself. She has been in a shit ton of films and plays that I’m not gonna sit here and list. This is Fap Files, not a movie review.

I do know she was in Red, which was a cool ass film. She shooting people and doing spy shit. Pretty cool. Yes, I am aware that she is more than twice my age. I don’t care. Don’t you know me by now? I’d wreck Linda Carter and she’s 60. Helen did a lot of cocaine in the 80’s which managed to preserve her. So if you take anything from this article its that cocaine is good for you. If you’re Helen Mirren. Otherwise it makes you look like shit.

And for you asses that want to see what she looked like when she was younger, here’s a picture from like the 1960’s. That’s right and very unfair, isn’t it? This woman has been hotter than most of the Earth for decades.

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