Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Gossip & Shit August 17th 2011

Hustler has offered The Situation a porn deal. He banged Snooki. I think he needs to use caution tape for a condom from now on. “I agree” every other vagina on Earth replied.

Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are hanging out together. Which means he is inside her right about…now.

Gerard Depardieu took a piss in an airplane aisle. That’s so French! But not very Raven.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is sad people don’t like her new haircut. Hatred of I Know What You Did Last Summer does not. This is backwards.

David Carradine’s wife settled over her late husbands death. Apparently it’s a movie company’s job to make sure you don’t kill yourself whilst beating off. Who knew?!

Kobe Bryant is fighting in church. "Jesus H. Christ…" Jesus Christ probably said.

Gene Simmons and his band KISS will not be allowed to perform at the Michael Jackson tribute concert. “Damn it, Gene!” a broke Paul Stanley cried.

Kevin Federline has another fucking child. His fifth! Trojan Condoms, where are you when the world needs you most?

There is now a Justin Bieber Way street in Texas. Getting jealous of Florida getting all the crazy news?

Jay-Z claims Beyonce is the second coming of MJ. I don’t even know where to go from there.

Casey Anthony’s parents will appear on Dr. Phil. I think he needs to spend more time with his dumbass son.

Kate Gosselin is glad to be divorced. I wish she had this feeling before she shat out eight kids!

Tyra Banks loves Kim Kardashian’s wedding dress. Thank the lord. I wasn’t gonna be able to sleep if I didn’t know what she thought!

67% of Madonna turned 53!

Jennifer Lopez is returning to American Idol. “Yay…Paula Abdul said to a box of cereal.

Taylor Momson has quit acting for good. “Who?Hollywood asked.

And for no reason Michele Bachmann eating a corndog!

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