The Review: Ready or Not

Ready Or Not 8/10

This movie was crazy. L. and I are continuing watching spooky stuff this month and checked this out. Hulu should be ashamed of how bad their sound is sometimes. So this movie starts off with this guy running through a mansion screaming for help. He stumbles into these two little boys and one of them (Daniel) is like “He right here!” Guy ends up with arrows in him and dragged away. In present day Alex is set to marry Grace. Grace grew up in multiple homes as an foster child and really wants a family. Alex tries to talk her out of it saying his family is crazy and whatnot. He. Should. Have. Been. More. Specific.

The Review: It Chapter 2

It Chapter 2 (3/10)

I absolutely loved the first It movie it seems. Looking back I don't remember liking it as much as I did. I also have vague memories of the mini series. My lady recently watched the old one. She didn't enjoy the newer one that much. We both watched this one together and...yeah. I don't even have all that much to really say about it. Mike calls everyone back because Pennywise is back and killing folk. Mike sounds like a damned lunatic most of the time, drugs his friend, lies to them all. He sounds like the worst. This movie was far too long feeling and we split it up into about three different watchings to get through it. The ending didn't even feel all that satisfying.

James McAvoy as William "Bill" Denbrough

Jessica Chastain as Beverly "Bev" Marsh

Bill Hader as Richard "Richie" Tozier

Isaiah Mustafa as Michael "Mike" Hanlon

Jay Ryan as Benjamin "Ben" Hanscom

James Ransone as Edward "Eddie" Kaspbrak

Andy Bean as Stanley "Stan" Uris

Bill Skarsgård as Pennywise the Dancing Clown

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The Review: Evil Season One

Evil Season One 7/10

A while back I started watching this series Evil after my friend suggested it and I checked out a couple of episodes before suggesting it to my lady. She started watching the show faster than me and I had to play catch up so we could watch together. This series is about a studying priest named David Acosta that checks out cases for the Catholic church seeing whether or not someone is for real possessed or just crazy. Dr. Kristen Bouchard is a psychologist that ends up working with David and balancing her insane ass life. Ben works with David and is skeptical as hell and helps with technical issues that comes up.

The Review: One Fine Christmas/A Christmas Fumble

One Fine Christmas 1/10

L. and I decided to watch some holiday movies and these two were terrible. The first was One Fine Christmas. It was about this girl who comes home from college and her mother is super busy with work and just runs around like a crazy person. Seriously, it's like I don't know why but she's constantly tweaking. The daughter has zero personality in this movie. Normally these kind of films where they have a young person they have them be precocious or there's something quirky about them or interesting but in this film the daughter is literally just a daughter. The grandmother no longer lives with her mom because they just don't get along anymore since the tweaky mother's husband left her.

The Review: A Family Christmas Gift/The Christmas Clapback

A Family Christmas Gift 6/10

This past weekend L. and I watch some holiday movies. Four of them to be exact. The first one we watched was called A Family Christmas Gift. This was a Hallmark movie so there was not all of the drama that I was expecting from a typical Christmas movie involving black people. This is not a Thanksgiving With The Carter 2 situation where you get lost in the woods and attacked by a bear or what appears to be a man and a very cheap bear costume with the help of marijuana and two black people named Ashford and Simpson. I'm not going to get into that right now.

The Review: 21 Bridges

21 Bridges 8/10

This movie was actually good. I say that because when I saw the trailer for this a few years ago they showed the entire movie in it and while watching I was hoping that that wasn't true. Turns out it is. They give away way too much in the damned trailer and I could imagine watching this and being surprised by the twists and turns. Oh, right. Plot. This kid named Andrew Davis is at the funeral for his father who was a cop that was killed. Years later he is a detective and has a reputation for killing guys. Meanwhile these two dudes are robbing a food spot for cocaine when there turns out to be ten times as much as they were expecting. Cops show up cause every single cop in this film is dirty. Like, all of them. Andre is taking this personal cause his dad was killed and is hunting these two dudes down while also dealing with police who become cartoonishly dirty. This is another one of those movies where it seems like some people know what it is and others are acting like this is a straight to streaming film and not really giving their all. I would still recommend this because it goes fast and something is always happening. I watched this on Netflix.

Chadwick Boseman as Andre Davis

Sienna Miller as Frankie Burns

J. K. Simmons as Captain McKenna

Stephan James as Michael Trujillo

Taylor Kitsch as Ray Jackson

Keith David as Deputy Chief Spencer

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The Review: London Mitchell's Christmas

London Mitchell's Christmas 0/10

Next on the list of holiday movies was this hot pile of ass called London Mitchell's Christmas. This movie gave me a headache and made me mad. Even describing the movie to folks gives me a headache. It was so fucking bad. One good thing was that the cameras were better than the ones in A Christmas To Remember. That's about it. So this is about an asshole that gets prostate cancer and everyone he treats like shit feels bad for him. He is dating a woman and as soon as she walks through the door he shoves vodka down her throat so he can tell her they need to chill and breakup. Why? Because he fucking someone else.

The Review: Star Wars The Rise Of Skywalker

The Rise Of Skywalker 2/10

I quickly realized I could not write this like a normal review and chose to just put my immediate thoughts down while watching. 

Kylo Ren flies his ship like a damn lunatic.

They got jars of Snokes. Like a whole gang of the damn things.

Holy crap Palpatine got a lot of big ass ships. Why not just send them all out and start wrecking shit right now? What's the hold up?

Light speed jumping? I don't know shit about shit but that shit seems ridiculous. Have any other Star Wars movies tried that nonsense? It looks like what was done for a gag in Guardians Of The Galaxy 2.

There is a spy with the bad guys. Bet its that redheaded dude from Ex Machina.

The Review: Glass

 

Glass 0/10

Full of spoilers. “This dialogue is garbage!” That is what I said out loud while watching Glass. I liked Unbreakable a lot. I enjoyed Split and was happy that they were tied together. I saw the trailer for this last year and kinda cringed because they were such different movies and characters that I wasn't sure if they would work together. Turns out they didn't. At all. You got one character that barely talks, another in a coma, and another with a bunch of personalities that wears pretty thin pretty quickly. So David Dunn is out fighting crime and searching for Kevin aka the Horde. David beats up so teens that shoot prank videos and with the help of his son tracks down Kevin who has some young girls captured. They fight. It is pretty wack honestly. They tussle. Its not a fucking fight. They tussle and get caught by some dudes and taken to a hospital where a lady doctor named Ellie Staple tries to convince them that they aren't special at all.

The Review: Godzilla King Of Monsters

 Godzilla King Of The Monsters 1/10

This film was trash! There. You can stop reading now. Godzilla: King Of The Monsters had me hype as hell when that trailer came out last year. I didn't rush to see it but just watched it on HBO and my lord. What a boring, strange mess. I liked the first Godzilla movie back in 2014 but thought the human parts were boring. Well, it was like they decided that the best decision with this one was to take that and multiply it by twenty. There are zero interesting characters in this movie. Not even the monsters. I found myself squinting a lot to fully see the monsters.

The Review: Gemini Man

Gemini Man 5/10

So I saw that Gemini Man was on Amazon last night and decided to check it out. I had heard that this movie was not that good and the frames per second were strange looking and the CGI unconvincing. But what I wasn't hearing about was the actual story. I know from the trailer that this dude ends up fighting a younger version of himself. That is pretty much it really. Henry Brogan (these names...) wants to stay retired. He has killed a lot of people and can't look at his own face. Get it?! They do this a lot. He meets this lady named Danny and it turns out she was assigned to tail him. They become buddies and a team of killers come to take him him. And her. And pretty much anyone that he has talked to in the last few days. He escapes because he is the best sniper/killer man ever in the history of Earth. Until he battles himself.

The Review: Doom Patrol Season 1

Doom Patrol 9/10

This will have spoilers. How do I even begin to describe Doom Patrol? I first heard about this show about a year ago and had zero desire to watch it. I have heard of the comic and knew there was a robot dude and that was it. I knew nothing of the other characters or anything. But CK watched the first three episodes and really liked it so I gave it a try and I'll be damned if it isn't up there with Legion as one of the best superhero series. There was only one aspect of the series that stopped me from giving it a 10/10 and I'll get to that.

This is about a team of heroes that isn't really a team so much as a bunch of various misfits with special abilities. None of them get along with each other and can barely control or understand the things that they can do. By the way, if you are going into this thinking this is a cute show it is not. There is cursing, gore, and a donkey that farts messages. See? I can not explain why you should watch this other than to say if you like the suggestions I make in series and movies then you should check this one out. I know that we are filthy with superhero shows right now like The Boys and The Umbrella Academy but this one is very different than those and better than Umbrella Academy which kinda shit the bed during the second season.

The Review: Charlie's Angels (2019)

Charlie's Angels 1/10

This was supposed to be a review but I ended up rambling. There were a lot of shit reboots last year. Terminator Dark Fate, Hellboy, Men In Black International all stank. This movie, Charlie's Angels, was ass. Why did I watch this? I was ironing. I didn't want to watch something I thought would be good so I put this on. If anything it would be cheesy and funny and I could at least be entertained by that. This movie was not cheesy nor funny. I have seen maybe two episodes of the original series. I saw all of the early 2000's movies and they were funny. There was a series I forgot existed until I saw that it did and lasted about four episodes before getting canceled. Now there is this. No one asked for this.

One of the Angels. “I think women can do anything.”

Dumb dude. “Wow. Just because they can doesn't mean they should, right?”

The Review: Guns Akimbo

Guns Akimbo 5/10

I saw that this crazy ass movie Guns Akimbo was on Amazon today and checked it out. I saw the trailer last year and was like “What the fuck is this?!” It looked fun. And it is. This is a ninety minute action scene. There is this dude named Riktor that runs a program called Skizm. People are “recruited” and fight to the death. He current champion is this insane ass woman named Nix. Miles is a game programmer/vegan/pacifist who has fun finding trolls and just fighting with them online. One day while on Skizm and talking shit they find his IP and his address. They show up, knock him out, and he wakes up with a gun nailed and drilled into his hands. He is told he has to compete and go up against Nix. This was a fun movie but it got exhausting after about halfway through. It looked great. Visually this was like a really cool music video. Had cool music. And I liked most of the characters. But I would have liked to see the characters a bit more developed. Felt like a more violent version of Nerve. Nothing much else to say. Lots of shooting and hardcore killings.

Daniel Radcliffe as Miles Lee Harris

Samara Weaving as Nix

Natasha Liu Bordizzo as Nova

Ned Dennehy as Riktor

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The Review: Crawl

Crawl 1/10

This movie should've been called Baffled. Crawl is trash. I just read and watched some reviews after seeing this crap with CK and we were both left speechless at certain points of this. I don't see how anyone can watch this and be entertained by it. I didn't hate it but I would never suggest this to anyone unless I didn't like them and wanted them to be confused for an hour and a half. This woman Haley swims well. She is the swimminest swimmer who ever swam. She swims so hard! I am not sure how old Haley is. Not sure if she is in high school or college or what. Her sister calls her on FaceTime in the locker room while everyone is undressing which makes the not knowing folks ages even worse. Her sister says a big ass hurricane is coming and that she needs to check on their dad. Haley don't talk to her dad anymore because he made her swim so much. She heads to their old home to see what the hell he is up to.

The Review: Knives Out

Knives Out 10/10

So tonight I finally watched Knives Out. I didn't have a powerful desire to see this when it was coming out. I hadn't even watched the trailer and couldn't remember who was in it. I just knew it was a mystery story. Holy crap, this movie was good! It was so good that I refuse to spoil it in case some of y'all want to check this out on Amazon. I don't watch as many mystery movies as I used to because they started getting lazy. What I mean by that is the movies would be something you could possibly solve but then they would show some shit that never appeared in the movie and ta-daaaaa! Credits. This is one of those movies I will definitely watch again to see what I missed.

The Review: Beastars

Beastars 9/10

Full of spoilers. A few days ago I saw that this animated series called Beastars was on Netflix and checked it out just because I liked the way the art looked. I knew nothing about the story going in and by the end of the first episode knew that I was gonna finish this. This takes place in a world of nothing but animals. There are hundreds of types but they are pretty much broken down into herbivores and carnivores. The high school is the main setting for this as well so there is puh-lenty of drama in that regard. The main characters are a wolf named Legoshi and a white rabbit named Haru.

The Review: Legion Season 3

Legion Season Three 10/10

Full of spoilers. There were so many times during this season that I forgot to take a damn breath. Wow. That was great. I was sitting here a couple days ago trying to figure out what to watch and remembered that Legion was on Hulu. The idea was to watch two episodes a day. That went out the window after watching two last night and all the rest today so this will not be a recap of every episode. That is difficult with this kind of show anyway so this is mostly gonna be me talking about what I enjoyed and gushing over it. I also see from my reviews of season one and season two that I have given every season 10/10. That is a first for any series I've ever watched. It sucks that not as many people are/were talking about how great this show was.

The Review: The Art Of Self Defense

The Art Of Self Defense 3/10

Full of spoilers. I watched the movie The Art Of Self Defense on Hulu last night and it was very meh. It was shot well. Had good acting. The look and everything was fine. The problem I had with it was that it felt uneven. It reminded of the movie form Netflix called War Machine where if it had chose a tone it could've have been really good. But this movie would go between an oddly violent Napoleon Dynamite and a goofy Fight Club. If it picked one I would have dug the hell out of this. I read some people say it is like John Wick and that is silly. Just because a dog is killed does not make it John Wick. You might as well compare it to The Thing or Signs. Dogs being killed in movies is the best way to make someone irredeemable.

The Review: Inside Man Most Wanted

Inside Man Most Wanted 1/10

Trash! This trash! Inside Man: Most Wanted is not a good movie. Just thought I needed to point that out and save you time from reading the rest of this if you wanted. I loved the original movie. It was well thought out, the camera work, the acting, the music, the directing. Everything about that movie is great. It is pretty much a perfect film. A few months ago Cam and I found out that this existed. I saw it was on Netflix the other day and decided to watch it tonight. It was a bad decision. The acting in this felt like it was all a rehearsal. The voices sounded weird (I later found out some folks were British) and the way it was filmed seemed like a made for TV movie. Nothing was clever about the the way these crimes were committed. It was so fucking smash and grab. The hostages in it didn't even make a difference. They try and mimic the first movie by showing some interviews and attempting to have the main dude act like Denzel Washington-Lite and it was so forced. The lady FBI agent was there for...some reason, I guess.