Thursday, October 5, 2017

The Review: Patchwork/Salt & Fire


Patchwork 0/10

I watch a lot of movies. That means that I watch a lot of bad movies because they can't all be good. A few days ago I managed to watch two movies that I couldn't even finish they were so bad. The first was Patchwork. Three girls wake up to find that they have been sewn together by someone. They each control different parts of the body but can not get along because women. I have no idea how this garbage ends because I think I made it about twenty minutes in before remembering that I have way more entertaining things to watch than bullshit like this. It was not cool, funny, or even interesting. I like a bad film that can at least be funny in its bad but this was not one of them.


Salt & Fire 0/10

The next film was Salt & Fire. Knowing who was in it and who directed it meant that I should have at least been able to make it halfway through this dumpster fire. Nope. I just kept wondering what the hell it was about, what was happening, but did not have the desire to stick around long enough to find out. I ended up reading how it ends and am glad that I stopped watching. I left off when two guys had terrible diarrhea and Michael Shannon revealed his face to the lady. I don't care. This sucked.

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