Theater Whore: Thor Ragnarok

Thor Ragnarok 10/10

This morning my ass raced to the theater to see Thor: Ragnarok because I didn't want any spoilers (which this review would have because it is a review an you shouldn't be reading them unless you expect to be spoiled by some things) and because this is the first Thor movie that looked interesting to me. The first Thor movie stunk. The second one was worse than the first. But when I saw the trailer for this one I got hype as shit and had to see this. On a previous blog post rating my excitement levels for upcoming Marvel movies (click here for that) I gave this a 1/5. That should tell you how much I enjoyed this.

Theater Whore: Only Lovers Left Alive

Only Lovers Left Alive 4/10

So H. and I got a chance to check out Only Lovers Left Alive starring Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton and all's I can say about it is...meh. Which sucks because I was looking forward to this movie since I heard it even existed. I like both of these actors and the director so I was looking forward to seeing the two of them just wrecking shit as vampires. Or being interesting. Neither happened. They look like vampires. They act like them, I guess. They just didn't at any point make me go “Wow, I can't get enough of watching these two together!”

Hiddleston and Swinton star as Adam and Eve...yes. Those are their names. Adam is a reclusive musician who lives in Detroit and seems to not really enjoy technology. Most of his house contains old things or stuff he has put together. He has a helper Ian played by Anton Yelchin. Ian helps Adam get old guitars and equipment. Adam does not drink blood by attacking people, rather he gets it from a hospital by paying cash to a shady doctor.

Theater Whore: Thor: The Dark World

Well...fuck. You know that thing that used to happen more often in the early 2000's when a movie would have a shit ton of good actors in it but it would still be a terrible film? That's Thor: The Dark World. This movie had everything that angers me in action films. Humor when there doesn't need to be, random ass soldiers that are supposed to be so dangerous but are easily killed, and goddamn smoke monsters! I hate smoke monsters. No, you don't even understand. Let me talk about this hour and a half long TV show passing itself off as a movie.

It starts off with a battle happening years and years ago where the bad guys lose and hide something important. Not destroy it, hide it. This ain't Christmas! Meanwhile in the present Tom Hiddleston as Loki is being arrested for all the bullshit he did in The Avenger's and is locked up. Meaning hidden. Again. This ain't Christmas! Kill this fucker! In a few days he revealed that the gods were really real and tried to bring aliens to Earth and destroy it. Fuck this guy. Natalie Portman playing Dr. Jane Foster aka The Least Likely Doctor Since Denise Richards In The World Is Not Enough is still on Earth looking up mysterious shit and waiting for Thor to come back even though he's been gone for two years and the last time he was on Earth he didn't even come by to say hello.