Theater Whore: Ash Is Purest White

Ash Is Purest White 9/10

Last week I saw Ash Is Purest White with Cam. This movie was great. Filmed over seventeen years from 2001 to 2017 but has an actual story unlike Boyhood. I'll never forgive that movie for being such garbage. Anyhoot, the good movie we saw was at the AFI festival. It is about a mobster, or jianghu as they call it, and his lady. Zhao Tao stars as Qiao and she is loving the night life with her dude and he has dreams of more money and power. Liao Fan plays Bin her boyfriend.

Theater Whore: Widows

Widows 3/10

Tonight at AFI with Koko we saw two movies. One of them was Widows starring everybody and their mama. This movie was like having every ingredient needed to bake a cake and ending up with candy corn. I don't know what the hell happened. Full disclosure, I saw the trailer for this a few months back and thought it was a joke. I did not think this was an actual thing that was being made so I did not have high hopes for enjoying it. But then as the movie started I got all kinds of happy seeing who was in it. “They got Punisher in this shit?! And Liam Neesons?! Michelle Rodriguez aka Wife #3 and Viola Davis aka Wife #5?!” Suddenly I was very interested in this movie. Hell, a lot of the cast and the director Steve McQueen were even there. I live down the street from Hollywood. Be all kinds of jealous. I'm just saying. So in the Mann's Chinese Theater or whatever they call it now with 900 mutants we watched what ended up being a clusterfuck of a movie.

The Review: Jim & Andy

Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond - The Story of Jim Carrey & Andy Kaufman Featuring a Very Special, Contractually Obligated Mention of Tony Clifton 9/10

Yeah, I know that is a long ass title. Koko, her friend, and I went to see this documentary Jim & Andy during the AFI Fest and it is really good. I had no idea what this was gonna be like because in recent years I have heard nothing but bad things about Jim Carrey and the last thing I saw him in, The Bad Batch, he didn't talk and I had no idea it was him until the credits when I saw his name. I know about Andy Kaufman through stand up and old footage from his wrestling days. Never saw Man On The Moon. This should have bored the shit out of me but it did the opposite.

Theater Whore: Tale Of Tales

Tale Of Tales 9/10

The first film Koko and I saw for the AFI festival was Tale Of Tales. I knew nothing of this movie going in and intentionally wanted it that way. When I see independent or strange ass foreign films the less I know the better. This film was based on some old fairy tales where it involves three separate kingdoms and their rulers actions and wants leading to terrible things occurring. The stories kind of go back and forth between each other. There will be spoilers.

The first starred Selma Hayek and John C. Reilly as a king and queen that want children but can not have them. The queen has tried many things but none seem to work. One day this creepy ass guy shows up and tells her that she needs the heart of a sea creature that is cooked by a virgin for her to instantly become pregnant. She is all in. The king goes to slay this creature and is mortally wounded. She finds a virgin that cooks this massive heart and while doing so the virgin as well as the queen become pregnant.

Theater Whore: The Absent and Saint Laurent

The Absent 0/10

This is something I never thought I would do even when I wanted to. Today during the AFI film festival Koko and I saw this movie called The Absent. Actually, we watched a series of clips of an old man and a younger version of himself cooking, staring at stuff, stuff staring back, and lots of shots of nothing. Just...nothing. She and many others in the theater fell asleep. 

I refuse to pretend that this is a movie and that I don't “get it.” This is not a movie. Koko mentioned that it is a pretty film as well as reviews of it. I'm not gonna be guilted or tricked into liking this bullshit. Boo this film! I loved the audiences reaction when it ended. There was a collective “What...?!” Oh, and the scene where he was cooking and this loud music starts playing for absolutely no reason. None! We fought to keep our laughter in. Still, I would not recommend anyone see this.