Wednesday, July 1, 2015

People Like Teens Dying In Film

Not sure if you've noticed bit the latest trend in teen movies aren't vampires like they want you to believe or even tough girl films like you've been tricked into thinking. Its dying ass kids. The ones that people talk about the most are Twilight (which aren't as terrible as you think) where a girl hangs with vampires and wants to die and be just like them and The Hunger Games which is about kids being used to kill each other for the entertainment of rich people.

In 2013 there was Warm Bodies which I enjoyed. Its about a zombie that ends up falling in love with a girl that is a slightly cuter looking version of Kristen Stewart. He eats her dead boyfriends brains to learn what she likes.

There was Beautiful Creatures which I saw but never bothered to write a review for because it was so crumby. Its about a girl that is a witch and devil worshipers and all kinds of other bullshit dealing with death.

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones is another one I didn't bother to write about. Death, powers, bad fight scenes, more nonsense. Aimed at teens. Still about death.

Vampire Academy which was one of the worst movies I've ever seen is about vampires in their secret society and other vampires that are worse than them. Death, death, death. By the way, every movie I've mentioned is based off of a series of books.

Divergent was a package of ass that has a sequel. Its about teens having to choose which life path they will go on and this bland ass chick can't make a decision and people get murdered left and right as she saunters away from a hail of bullets. This was so damned bad.

Now we get away from fantasy and move towards real illnesses. The Fault Of Our Stars is about a girl dying of cancer and a guy falling in love. Guess how it ends!

The Maze Runner is about a bunch of kids and teens that wake up in this weird ass place where they are surrounded by a wall. The wall opens and they can enter but chances are they will get lost and die or get eaten by these spider monsters.

If I Stay is about a girl dying and her ghost watching all of the stuff that is happening while she's in a coma. Oh, and she finds out that he family is all dead.

Unfriended is about a girl that kills herself after being bullied online and her ghost or some shit starts killing all the people that made fun of her.

Me Earl And The Dying Girl is the movie that got me thinking about these teen films. Its about a weird guy that makes fake movies with his friend and gets in touch with an old friend and she is dying from leukemia. I wonder how it will end...

These movies all come from books that were written and the movie came out like less than five years later. If you are a writer just do garbage. Let's make up a fake story right now.

Missy is diagnosed with male pattern baldness at the age of eight but with the help of a geek that has a crush on her but she thinks he is more like a brother she comes out of her shell. They make a school dance and everything. Oh, and at the dance everyone wears a bald cap. This summer...

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