Tuesday, May 19, 2020

The Review: Bachelor Listen To Your Heart



Bachelor Listen To Your Heart 7/10

This is the first time I have ever written a review for a reality show. I have worked in post production as a logger/transcriber and as an assistant editor. Hell, on one show I don't even know what the name is for what I did. This show Bachelor: Listen To Your Heart was a weird ass show. I never watched The Bachelor and any information I know about cast members from previous seasons comes from TMZ when one of them punches a wall or says something racist. So I did not know what to expect from this show except a lot of silly shit happening due to production interference. What that means is that naturally most people are boring as fuck when left to their own devices so things need to happen to spice shit up.


I watched this every week except for the third episode with my best friend Cam mostly because she was waiting for The Baker & The Beauty to come on. I am gonna list some of the contestants that barely made any impact on the show and ones that I straight up don't remember. Mariana (23). I have no recollection of her whatsoever. Jack (38). Kinda remember he was on the show. Josh (31). Was he actually on the show? I can't place his face. Michael (31). This fucking guy just showed up for a free drink. As soon as he showed up we said “Plant!” Bekah (25) looks too much like another contestant that I don't even remember anything about her.


Ruby (25). As soon as I see someone with this hair color I roll my eyes. I have never met someone with crazy hair color that turned out to be interesting past their hair color. Russell (26). Who even is this guy? I kinda think I remember him. He looks like a guy from an 80's film that is 30 playing an 18 year old. Mel (27). I knew she was gonna be gone pretty fast based on previous reality show experience. If you are a man/woman of color the chances of you sticking around are pretty damn slim. Gabe (28). This dude was wack. In this clips before he even arrived we laughed at the fact he was singing with a group of people that couldn't even clap. If you're ever in a crowd notice Black people looking around confused that other people are clapping offbeat. He left and no one noticed. Cheyenne (23). I knew she was gone as soon as she got there. Most times Black people gravitate towards one another on shows and that is if there are more than one of them. Between the Black guys on this show I think she knew she had zero shot with them.


Danny (26). There was nothing special as far as I remember about the guy. Like, I know he was there but I can't remember anything special about him. Savannah (25). As soon as I saw her I said “Nope!” She has eyes that I stay away from. Everyone saying “You can't do that!” ain't me. I knew there was something up with her. During one episode my best friend said “She seems pretty stable” I shit you not a moment later she burst into tears and production had to chase her down. That is the best thing about reality shows. As CK pointed out we all become psychologists. Ryan (28). By this point everyone got nicknames and I called him John Mayer. He was like a strange clone of Mayer that was 65% complete. His relationship with a contestant was so forced. They ended up clinging to one another in this fake looking thing together. When they kissed we said “Ew!” Natascha (33). She arrived to point out that she was the friend of a girl who dated another contestant on the show and to say he had cheated. Oh, the drama! But not really. She was good but was on the wrong show. Thankfully she stuck around to keep Ryan company and cause drama with other couples. I gave her a Russian accent because she looked like a spy from an 80's movie but she is of Chilean and French decent.


Julia (27). We started calling Julia “Mom” because of the way she dressed and looked. I was shocked that she was only 27 but whatever. I don't play the name guessing game. I just question it. She seemed like trouble early and latched on to the most poisonous man on the show who was playing both her and Savannah. It got to a point where she partnered with the nicest guy on the show and fucked him over to get with a guy that already had another girl causing him to leave. I'll get to him soon. He's the MVP of this season. So Mom ended up making nice dude leave, split up Savannah from her partner causing her to leave, made out with the bad dude, thought they had a connection, the Russian spy let her know that he was still into Savannah right before they performed, and they sang shitty and ended up leaving. She was a mess and no grown ass woman should ever actually not listen when someone says “Earmuffs.” Brandon (34) was a shit bird. This guy had every sign of being an asshole and I was going crazy watching these ladies not pick up on it. Even the way he would drink while they poured their hearts out to him screamed “I'm an asshole and I know how to pick the right women to take it.” After they were eliminated Mom wished that she had stayed with nice guy because that is what she was looking for. Aww. Too bad! No nice for you! Brandon will find another life to ruin.


Jamie (21) became known as the Disney Princess. This poor girl is only 21 and thinking she will find true love on a reality show during its first season. She latched onto John Mayer at first before finding her next guy I will write about. She panicked before every performance. She wore way too much makeup and Cam and I figured she had some back issue based on how she walked. At first we thought it was her shoes but she walked that way no matter what. She had the face of a 12 year old, the attitude of a 7 year old, and the body of a 27 year old. It's a weird mix. Trevor (29) was pretty much a background singer. Nothing about him stood out. He is the one that allegedly cheated on his girlfriend which is something Jamie has said had happened and she would not stand for it. You 21 and have that baggage something is super wrong. Maybe be single a while, kid. Cam thought Trevor looked cute until he showed his teeth. She really didn't like this man's teeth for some reason. He was told a few times that Jamie orbited him meaning he didn't stand out. And he didn't. He wasn't bad. He just wasn't remarkable. They ended up making it to the final two couples and lost.


Rudi (28). Every pair of pants she wore showed ass jiggle. Just thought I'd point that out. She was wild as fuck. I couldn't deal with that type of person for longer than a gathering at a friends house. I know there are guys that are into women that act the way she did on this show but my Black ass is not one of them. I said multiple times “She hits dudes.” Cam pointed out that she smacked her guy during an episode I missed. I was not surprised. She was upset that the guy would not say he was in love with her fast enough for the show to continue. She cried heavy, ugly tears over this and turned a conversation he tried to have with her into an attack on her. It was stupid. Matt (32) aka Mohawk. This guy didn't seem special. He could sing and play guitar but saddled up with Rudi who was the hottest of messes. This man could do nothing right. I could see him trying to figure out the right way to word things to her to not hurt her feelings and empower her and I kept saying “Stop talking to her. Leave the room.” He didn't. Things would just get worse. He wanted to continue with her but maybe after the show. She wanted that shit now. I get it. That's the point of the show. But you shouldn't get mad at someone for not falling in love with you after a couple weeks on TV. If they do something is wrong with them.


Sheridan (27) aka Ron Perlman/Beast. I liked this guy. He was a good singer. Nice as fuck. Wanted an actual relationship. Which means he was not right for this show. When he partnered up with Mom I knew he was doomed. He didn't want to be her consolation prize and when he let her know that she got mad at him. He was done and started leaving and she got upset he was leaving. She wanted to fight! He asked her what she wants from him seeing as how she just fucked him over. So with him no longer having a partner he left and Savannah had to leave. Mom was so happy thinking she and Brandon were gonna win this thing. Puh-lease! In his car ride as he left I just wanted to give him a high five and learn how to stay away from certain types of women. He is only 27. I didn't know shit at that age. He'll be fine and find a woman that digs him.


Chris (30). When he first arrived I didn't think he would end up with anyone. He latched onto Bri (28) who sounds like she has had all kinds of baggage. Cam speculated that she was a Mormon after I saw where she grew up. Then we started putting together the pieces like her inability to apply makeup and her dresses which I described as QVC. They had obvious chemistry but shit got squirrely when they had the option to sleep in the same room together and she started freaking out and being afraid that Chris would be upset. He wasn't at all. The fact that a grown ass woman was stressing so much as if they couldn't just sleep in the same room without fucking is weird. These two worked really well together other than the bump in the road of sleeping in the same room overnight. The ended up winning and I think they will be fine together if she can get over whatever weird shit that happened in her past.


I'm glad that Cam got me into this show. I got CK into it and found a couple other friends that watched this. It was tacky as hell and the twists that they added did nothing to make the show better. I would watch another season but I know that people will know how the game is played and try to stand out more. I would have liked memorable people and everyone arriving at once not one at a time like they did. And no more 21 year olds!

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