Bachelor
Listen To Your Heart 7/10
This
is the first time I have ever written a review for a reality show. I
have worked in post production as a logger/transcriber and as an
assistant editor. Hell, on one show I don't even know what the name
is for what I did. This show Bachelor: Listen To Your Heart was a
weird ass show. I never watched The Bachelor and any information I
know about cast members from previous seasons comes from TMZ when one
of them punches a wall or says something racist. So I did not know
what to expect from this show except a lot of silly shit happening
due to production interference. What that means is that naturally
most people are boring as fuck when left to their own devices so
things need to happen to spice shit up.
I
watched this every week except for the third episode with my best
friend Cam mostly because she was waiting for The Baker & The Beauty to come on. I am gonna list some of the contestants that barely made
any impact on the show and ones that I straight up don't remember.
Mariana (23). I have no recollection of her whatsoever. Jack (38).
Kinda remember he was on the show. Josh (31). Was he actually on the
show? I can't place his face. Michael (31). This fucking guy just
showed up for a free drink. As soon as he showed up we said “Plant!”
Bekah (25) looks too much like another contestant that I don't even
remember anything about her.
Ruby
(25). As soon as I see someone with this hair color I roll my eyes. I
have never met someone with crazy hair color that turned out to be
interesting past their hair color. Russell (26). Who even is this
guy? I kinda think I remember him. He looks like a guy from an 80's
film that is 30 playing an 18 year old. Mel (27). I knew she was
gonna be gone pretty fast based on previous reality show experience.
If you are a man/woman of color the chances of you sticking around
are pretty damn slim. Gabe (28). This dude was wack. In this clips
before he even arrived we laughed at the fact he was singing with a
group of people that couldn't even clap. If you're ever in a crowd
notice Black people looking around confused that other people are
clapping offbeat. He left and no one noticed. Cheyenne (23). I knew
she was gone as soon as she got there. Most times Black people
gravitate towards one another on shows and that is if there are more
than one of them. Between the Black guys on this show I think she
knew she had zero shot with them.
Danny
(26). There was nothing special as far as I remember about the guy.
Like, I know he was there but I can't remember anything special about
him. Savannah (25). As soon as I saw her I said “Nope!” She has
eyes that I stay away from. Everyone saying “You can't do that!”
ain't me. I knew there was something up with her. During one episode
my best friend said “She seems pretty stable” I shit you not a
moment later she burst into tears and production had to chase her
down. That is the best thing about reality shows. As CK pointed out
we all become psychologists. Ryan (28). By this point everyone got
nicknames and I called him John Mayer. He was like a strange clone of
Mayer that was 65% complete. His relationship with a contestant was
so forced. They ended up clinging to one another in this fake looking
thing together. When they kissed we said “Ew!” Natascha (33). She
arrived to point out that she was the friend of a girl who dated
another contestant on the show and to say he had cheated. Oh, the
drama! But not really. She was good but was on the wrong show.
Thankfully she stuck around to keep Ryan company and cause drama with
other couples. I gave her a Russian accent because she looked like a
spy from an 80's movie but she is of Chilean and French decent.
Julia
(27). We started calling Julia “Mom” because of the way she
dressed and looked. I was shocked that she was only 27 but whatever.
I don't play the name guessing game. I just question it. She seemed
like trouble early and latched on to the most poisonous man on the
show who was playing both her and Savannah. It got to a point where
she partnered with the nicest guy on the show and fucked him over to
get with a guy that already had another girl causing him to leave.
I'll get to him soon. He's the MVP of this season. So Mom ended up
making nice dude leave, split up Savannah from her partner causing
her to leave, made out with the bad dude, thought they had a
connection, the Russian spy let her know that he was still into
Savannah right before they performed, and they sang shitty and ended
up leaving. She was a mess and no grown ass woman should ever
actually not listen when someone says “Earmuffs.” Brandon (34)
was a shit bird. This guy had every sign of being an asshole and I
was going crazy watching these ladies not pick up on it. Even the way
he would drink while they poured their hearts out to him screamed
“I'm an asshole and I know how to pick the right women to take it.”
After they were eliminated Mom wished that she had stayed with nice
guy because that is what she was looking for. Aww. Too bad! No nice
for you! Brandon will find another life to ruin.
Jamie
(21) became known as the Disney Princess. This poor girl is only 21
and thinking she will find true love on a reality show during its
first season. She latched onto John Mayer at first before finding her
next guy I will write about. She panicked before every performance.
She wore way too much makeup and Cam and I figured she had some back
issue based on how she walked. At first we thought it was her shoes
but she walked that way no matter what. She had the face of a 12 year
old, the attitude of a 7 year old, and the body of a 27 year old.
It's a weird mix. Trevor (29) was pretty much a background singer.
Nothing about him stood out. He is the one that allegedly cheated on
his girlfriend which is something Jamie has said had happened and she
would not stand for it. You 21 and have that baggage something is
super wrong. Maybe be single a while, kid. Cam thought Trevor looked
cute until he showed his teeth. She really didn't like this man's
teeth for some reason. He was told a few times that Jamie orbited him
meaning he didn't stand out. And he didn't. He wasn't bad. He just
wasn't remarkable. They ended up making it to the final two couples
and lost.
Rudi
(28). Every pair of pants she wore showed ass jiggle. Just thought
I'd point that out. She was wild as fuck. I couldn't deal with that
type of person for longer than a gathering at a friends house. I know
there are guys that are into women that act the way she did on this
show but my Black ass is not one of them. I said multiple times “She
hits dudes.” Cam pointed out that she smacked her guy during an
episode I missed. I was not surprised. She was upset that the guy
would not say he was in love with her fast enough for the show to
continue. She cried heavy, ugly tears over this and turned a
conversation he tried to have with her into an attack on her. It was
stupid. Matt (32) aka Mohawk. This guy didn't seem special. He could
sing and play guitar but saddled up with Rudi who was the hottest of
messes. This man could do nothing right. I could see him trying to
figure out the right way to word things to her to not hurt her
feelings and empower her and I kept saying “Stop talking to her.
Leave the room.” He didn't. Things would just get worse. He wanted
to continue with her but maybe after the show. She wanted that shit
now. I get it. That's the point of the show. But you shouldn't get
mad at someone for not falling in love with you after a couple weeks
on TV. If they do something is wrong with them.
Sheridan
(27) aka Ron Perlman/Beast. I liked this guy. He was a good singer.
Nice as fuck. Wanted an actual relationship. Which means he was not
right for this show. When he partnered up with Mom I knew he was
doomed. He didn't want to be her consolation prize and when he let
her know that she got mad at him. He was done and started leaving and
she got upset he was leaving. She wanted to fight! He asked her what
she wants from him seeing as how she just fucked him over. So with
him no longer having a partner he left and Savannah had to leave. Mom
was so happy thinking she and Brandon were gonna win this thing.
Puh-lease! In his car ride as he left I just wanted to give him a
high five and learn how to stay away from certain types of women. He
is only 27. I didn't know shit at that age. He'll be fine and find a
woman that digs him.
Chris
(30). When he first arrived I didn't think he would end up with
anyone. He latched onto Bri (28) who sounds like she has had all
kinds of baggage. Cam speculated that she was a Mormon after I saw
where she grew up. Then we started putting together the pieces like
her inability to apply makeup and her dresses which I described as QVC. They had obvious chemistry but shit got squirrely when
they had the option to sleep in the same room together and she
started freaking out and being afraid that Chris would be upset. He
wasn't at all. The fact that a grown ass woman was stressing so much
as if they couldn't just sleep in the same room without fucking is
weird. These two worked really well together other than the bump in
the road of sleeping in the same room overnight. The ended up winning
and I think they will be fine together if she can get over whatever
weird shit that happened in her past.
I'm
glad that Cam got me into this show. I got CK into it and found a
couple other friends that watched this. It was tacky as hell and the
twists that they added did nothing to make the show better. I would
watch another season but I know that people will know how the game is
played and try to stand out more. I would have liked memorable people
and everyone arriving at once not one at a time like they did. And no
more 21 year olds!
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