The Review: 47 Meters Down Uncaged

47 Meters Down: Uncaged 3/10

I was seriously ready to give this movie a straight up 0/10 until the last ten minutes of 47 Meters Down: Uncaged. This movie decided to lose its fucking mind and I laughed so hard it started hurting. I'm not saying that you need to watch this because I wouldn't do that to you. But if you do watch the last part and experience the ridiculous shit. I never saw the first movie and have no desire to. This was enough. This weird ass girl Mia gets pushed into water in front of school and doesn't attack them which immediately let me know that this is a science fiction movie. She lives with her step-family and her stepsister Sasha gives zero fucks about her. Their father wants to send them on a boat ride to see sharks and just when they are about to board these friends of Sasha's snatch them away and they decided to go deep sea diving. Now, I have never been deep sea diving nor will I ever but this movie seems like a lesson in everything not to do. And the director wanted to see some young girls in bikinis.

They get under there and immediately start playing pranks on one another. I hate pranks. If you prank me in my own apartment I'm gonna throw hands. Do that shit underwater and I will accept that I am now gonna be labeled as a murderer. They spot this fish that has no eyes and Mia of course knows everything all about it. There is some statues and shit under there in these caves and when one of the girls starts joking with the fish it screams in her face. It fucking SCREAMS in her face scaring her. She bumps into a statue and chaos ensues. They get separated and just start bumping into dudes who all get killed. One of them gets killed immediately. There is a shark in there that has evolved and blind. They all start getting killed one by one of the two main girls because her father is Jamie Foxx. Fuck everything else until the end of this.

After running out of air they just manage to make it to the surface. Oh, hey! There's a boat...chumming the water?! Yeah. That boat they should have been on is tossing blood and meat into the water to get sharks attention. The girls start pounding on the glass boat and I started laughing. The sharks start coming and Mia makes it to the boat and the shark wants some dark meat and snatches Sasha and I laughed harder. Mia grabs a flare gun and dives back into the water and in slow motion shoots the shark in the eye saving her sister making me laugh so hard I am sure I pissed neighbors off. Sasha makes it onboard the ship again and then the shark snatches Mia! She stabs it in the eye (they blind) and gets free. She climbs back onto the boat and almost gets snatched again which made me wheeze. The girl who bullied her and Mia have a stare down. That's it. This insane nonsense is on Amazon. Seriously. Just watch the last part of this.

Sophie Nélisse as Mia

Corinne Foxx as Sasha

Brianne Tju as Alexa

Sistine Stallone as Nicole

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