Saturday, March 14, 2020

The Review: She (1984)



She 6/10

This movie is a fucking fever dream! She was terrible but good but terrible but stupid but entertaining. I did not get bored watching this and spent most of the time going “The fuck?” I had to have said that out loud at least a dozen damn time. This takes place in a future ravaged by a nuclear war called The Cancellation. These two dudes set out to find the sister of one of them and end up being captured by a group of women led by a woman named She who says she is a goddess. They torture the men and have them chant all day. Its weird. The guys end up escaping and I legit can not tell you how because this entire movie is about ending up somewhere, captured, and escaping again. Two ladies from the tribe go to chase after them. I may mix up the order of captures by the way. There are at least three. Wait. Four. Okay. Fuck it. Let's go.


So the two guys wander the wasteland which is not really one since there is plenty of food and clothing and such. They find a nice ass house with rich people doing rich shit. They eat chicken. Dance. One of the guys who escaped tries to bone down with one of the lady's and his friend is just like “He's an asshole” and continues eating his dry looking chicken. They fall asleep and the rich people turn into vampires. They are supposed to be wolves according to the description but they look nothing like wolves. Like, at all. The warrior ladies show up and they easily beat all of them and escape. Are the men captured? I guess. Its no longer quite sure. They leave and fight some giant dude dressed in a tutu and get gassed and captured (again!) by some dude who locks them in plastic and hangs them like plants. They start a fire and escape.


Next they end up captured by some dude with telekinetic powers and a cult. The men are fine but the women get slapped with leather and tortured. The men feel bad for the women and disguise themselves and rescue one of them. The other is about to get the sex by the psychic leader man whose lady follower stabs him. With his last bit of power he wraps a rope around her neck and chokes her to death. The group watches all of this from two feet away. The lady She is like “I am your leader now!” and the cult just kneel. It was that easy. Then they leave and the credits roll.


Kidding! They end up in a cult of fake Nazis called Nords. Well, two of them do. I don't know where one of the women went. They have a death battle and only three are left and it turns out its the two guys and one of the women. The Nord leader says that he knows her and they are gonna fuck her whole life up...and lets them free. The fuck? They rig this bridge and have a bootleg ass Spartan standoff and actually win. Oh, I forgot to mention the guy that speaks in TV gibberish that multiplies when you cut a limb off. That was a thing. They beat the Nords pretty easily and backup appears as they are running away. Great timing! This movie was insane and by the time it ended, and it ends so oddly, I slow clapped alone in my apartment. Check this nonsense out on Amazon.

Sandahl Bergman as She
David Goss as Tom
Quin Kessler as Shandra
Harrison Muller as Dick
Elena Wiedermann as Hari

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