The Review: The Muthers (1976)

The Muthers 6/10

This movie was fucking weird. Thanks, Miss Jackie. But not bad. I need to stop saying that whenever I am writing about a movie from the 70's. This is about some ladies that are pirates. For a minute. Then it turns into another lady prison movie. I was hoping to see a Black woman pirate movie but I guess I am gonna have to just superimpose wigs on them dudes from Captain Phillips. No wait. The fuck was the Somalian pirate one? Yeah. That is it. Wigs. Anyhoot. Kelly is the leader of the crew with Anggie. Not a typo. Same with the title of this. The Muthers is such an odd name. They sail the seas with their crew robbing idiots on yachts. They run into another pirate crew and shoot at them. It seems that when water explodes next to you death happens. Oh, and they have a big ass gun. Kelly is searching for her sister as well and is told that she is in a place called No Man's Land performing. Kelly seems sick of her sisters bullshit and goes searching for her.

Kelly's sister is named Sandy and Kelly goes to this bar to find her. This dude tries to nibble on Anggie's shoulder which was weird and gross and he got a ot cup of Folger's to his chest for his troubles. Meanwhile upstairs the bar owner is trying to tear Kelly's clothes off. She kicks his ass and throws a lamp at her. Next thing you know the ladies are arrested. They talk to this dude from the Justice Department who says that he wants their help because Sandy is being held captive by this dude that makes them work till they are dead picking coffee beans. They are supposed to get into the place as spies and then escape or else be taken to jail for their pirating ways. The fuck? That's not easy! Bring out the cannon! Not really. I just wanna use this image because this woman is smoking hot.

So at the prison they meet this other Black woman named Marcie who is like “I know your sister and she tried to escape. There she is dangling up there.” The bad dude hangs women by their hands, upside down, or when he wants to make a super point by their goddamn hair. This other lady shows up looking eleven kinds of hot named Serena. She is the main lady for the bad guy. Marcie talks that shit to Serena and they seem to have a friendship or did at one point but now that Serena is sleeping with the enemy shits changed. One day Kelly and Anggie escape by hopping in a jeep with one of their buddies form town. How?! He is shot and after they easily whip the guards asses they are finally taken down. The bad guy reveals that he knows who she is and that she is working undercover. He then has the body of the guy brought out and says her sister is dead so whomp. She and Anggie are hung up to dry.

Serena starts a fire and she and Serena get the ladies down and they escape. They lose the soldiers in the woods avoiding the worlds most obvious booby traps. They get pissed at Serena, the woman who facilitated their escape!, because she forgot a can opener. She gets fed up and shoots the cans open. No guards will hear that. They eat and are struck by The Itis and fall asleep. Marcie wakes up to a cobra on her chest. Serena yanks a bush which makes the cobra bite Marcie. Serena sucks the poison out. They continue trekking and are found by the Muther crew! Serena is dawdling behind and I was like “This hooker is setting them up!”

The evil pirate crew show up and then the soldiers. It was a double trap! The rest of a bunch of kung fu, shooting, explosions, and nonsense. They end up making it to the boat but stopped by the evil pirate crew. There is a boat war until they blow them the fuck up with a cannon. They then head back to the island because fuck the bad guy. Oh, he ended up shooting Serena because she would not get out of the way when he was shooting at folks. Them's the rules. Kelly lights his ass up with a machine gun and then Anggie throws a dagger in his back killing him. They then ride off into the sea to continue...robbing innocent people. Yay?

This movie was nuts. Not as much nudity as I thought there would be considering two of the ladies were Playmates at one point and this takes place in a prison. Thankfully this was also not a rape fest like a lot of these old movies were. Seriously, our parents watched some crazy shit. This movie goes by pretty quickly and is just over 80 minutes long. And for sure you will laugh your ass off whenever Kelly does karate because it is obviously a dude just like in a previous film with this actress TNT Jackson. In one scene he straight up looks right at the camera! Bras exist but rarely worn. The audio is all over the place with fight scenes with no sound effects and almost everyone having their voices dubbed over. Check this out on Amazon.

Jean Bell as Kelly

Rosanne Katon as Anggie

Trina Parks as Marcie

Jayne Kennedy as Serena

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