A Christmas To Remember 2/10
Camille called me yesterday because she had found some Christmas gold. She watches holiday movies every year and found I'll Be Homeless For Christmas a couple of years ago and it was one of the worst/best movies I had ever seen in my life. I seriously hurt from laughing. This was not one of those movies but was funny for all the wrong reasons. I will try and describe the plot for this batch of nonsense. If you wanna see what this movie looks like do a Google image search and see how few images it has and the ones that exist are mad terrible. Also, if you ever wanna know if a movie is bad look at the poster. Nothing but stills from the film cropped in.
A mother who has a bunch of terrible kids and a father who has his own terrible kids plan to get engaged. The mother's daughter and the father's son call their siblings and lie saying their respective parents are sick and dying and they all need to come home. The kids are all fucked up in different ways. Some are gay and hiding it and get outed by a child. One daughter is a stripper in an abusive relationship and has kids. Another has a White boyfriend she hides. Another used to be on drugs and lost his family. The rest are just generally worthless and uninteresting. So they get home and the families hate one another for whatever reason.
During dinner the father starts airing out everyone's shit. He repeats everything the mother told him. You know, pillow talk shit. Turns out she broke because her ex husbands new woman pulled the plug on him and took all the money. She put her kids through the best schools and they never tried to help her out. The father punches his son for being gay and hits another because he wants to be a comedian and not a doctor. Full disclosure, we fast forwarded a lot of this crap. The comedy son and daughter get into an accident while drunk driving. I thought the daughter died but apparently she didn't and they all live happily ever after and start hooking up with each other even though they are now siblings.
The music in this was bad. The story was stupid. Everyone was so unlikable and not funny. The camera lighting changed all the time! There would be a single scene with four different shades of lighting and folks clothes would change along with their haircuts. And you may notice the two people on the cover. Yeah. That dude is barely in this movie at all and Robin Givens shows up with less than twenty minutes left and is there for four minutes before she leaves. They used them because maybe they are the biggest names and look the best...even though I thought this whole other woman was Givens until Givens showed up and felt racist about it. This movie was super bad but made me laugh at how bad it was so I gave it a 2/10. What was the moral of this? I am not sure. There was zero resolution to all the shit that father aired out. He should have gotten his old ass kicked after hitting two of his terribly dressed sons. The mother would just listen to him rage and tell him to calm down. That man has issues! Turns out he cheated on his wife so hard she died!!! So, yeah. Watched this on IMDB with a metric shit ton of ads.
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