The Review: I'll Be Homeless For Christmas (2013)

I'll Be Homeless For Christmas HAHAHA/10

I just watched the best movie ever made and by the best I mean the worst and by the worst I mean the most hilarious. I'll Be Homeless For Christmas is one of the most thought provoking movies I have seen in my life. So many questions were asked! By the way, I do not watch holiday films. Cam does. We got off the phone and she called me up an hour later to discuss this gem of a movie and like the best friend that I am I made sure we watched the whole damn thing. By the time we were halfway in I knew we had to finish because it got funnier as it went on. And by funnier I mean more confusing. Here is the plot as written online for my own personal version of The Room.

"When a petty thief learns that his latest mark is a struggling single mother who works at a homeless shelter, he decides to use his savvy street smarts to make this Christmas one to remember for her and her young son." So many things to say about this film. This dude that wears the most fakest looking beard you have ever seen steals the wallet and money from this lady who was upset he was chased and kicked by a store owner while everyone watched. She doesn't know it was stolen until way later that night while filling out a form to get welfare. Oh, and she works at a homeless shelter. Meaning a church. And the town is full of homeless that double as zombies. They just shuffle around and each has a smudge of dirt on their face.

The homeless guy is really a master of disguise. He has a lot of bad beards to wear and the guy that attacked him is in on the scam to rob folks. Thief feels bad but not so bad he doesn't wanna hook up with the lady. He pretends to be homeless and stalks her and gets mad that his partner wants to just rob folks. They decide to rob the homeless shelter. Read that again. Let that sink in. They. Decide. To. Rob. A. Homeless. Shelter.

I had so many questions while watching this. Why did everyone seem like they had mental issues? Why is robbing a homeless shelter filled with stuff people are throwing away a good idea? Why didn't the lady report that her wallet was stolen? Why did the audio go from very high to almost nonexistent so often? How did those gifts get under the tree at the end? How was that young girl with by far the worst acting ability comfortably homeless but knew the latest fashion trends? Why was dude saving stolen money in a shoe box? Did the lady's husband leave because she seemed stupid? Why did they leave crackers and water for Santa? Why were all the men sunburned? Why did no one's clothes fit properly? Why did the lady end up liking the criminal at the end? Why was that one guy attacking the store owner constantly? Why was the dude even stealing shit considering he had a nice house and even gave it to the young girl at the end of the movie?! Yeah, it was for a year but who is to say that she won't just use it as a sex and drug den? I don't even know how she became homeless. Cam pointed out that is not how houses work.

After watching this Cam and I laughed for about half an hour. This was a terrible movie in every way but had us cracking up laughing with its badness. This is on Amazon and less than an hour long so if you want to just sit and be baffled for a little bit I suggest checking this out.

Click here for previous The Review.