Thursday, February 2, 2017

Theater Whore: Resident Evil Final Chapter


Resident Evil Final Chapter 1/10

There will be spoilers. The first rule of Resident Evil is that you don't question Resident Evil. I got to see Resident Evil Final Chapter and I have to say that this was the worst of them and thankfully the last one being made. Allegedly. I'm sure they'll find some way to drag this out of the mud. Milla Jovovich is back as Alice whose job is to save humanity. I guess. The movie starts with a flash back that was just made up and couldn't have possibly been created when the first movie was written just so that they could have Milla's daughter introduced into the series as The Red Queen. Basically years ago a dudes daughter was dying so he created something to help her and it turned into the T-Virus. Next thing you know people are monsters.


Yeah, there are also flying monsters. Not sure where they came from or why they evolved. I thought about it for more than ten seconds and then my face melted because I'm not supposed to wonder about this shit. I'm supposed to just watch Milla wear tight clothes and do flippy shit. Which she does. Too bad you can't see most of it. As a former assistant editor I feel terrible for whoever had to edit this movie. It changes shots every split second so that I didn't even know who was winning fights. I also feel bad that a stunt woman lost her arm and ended up in a coma and someone died while making this hot garbage.


In the end you find out that Alice is a clone of the daughter that is The Red Queen and she is alive and looks old as hell because she had that disease that did that. So now there is fake Alice, old ass Alice, and computer kill machine that no longer wants to kill Red Queen Alice. Its stupid farts. The other movies were at least entertaining in their badness but this one wasn't even fun. And it was long. I think if you walked out for half an hour and came back you would not have to ask what you missed. Don't bother watching this nonsense.

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