Thursday, August 31, 2017

The Review: The Assignment


The Assignment 2/10

I watched the comedy of the year on Netflix yesterday called The Assignment starring Michelle Rodriguez and Sigourney Weaver. I'm not sure who needed to pay off a loan but neither of these ladies should have wasted their time making this dumpster fire. There will be spoilers which you should thank me for because then you can spend your time watching cool shit. This is about a hitman named Frank Kitchen played by Rodriguez. You can ignore the stupid name but you will not be able to ignore Rodriguez with prosthetic makeup to look like a guy. She looks like Benecio Del Toro in Sin City but in color which makes it look way worse. She is known for being one of the best killers out there you can hire but for some reason doesn't get paid all that much.


One day she makes a deal to kill someone. Shit. He. He makes a deal to kill someone and then the guy that hired him turns on him. He ends up getting surgery to become a woman because apparently the worse thing you can do next to dying is become a chick. And by the way, slapping a weird nose and facial hair is not enough to make me not wanna bone Michelle Rodriguez. Learn something new about yourself every day. She wakes up a lady with some hormone pills and a message from Weaver saying she killed someone (her dumb ass brother) and this is punishment for that. Oh, Weaver is telling this story from a mental hospital and Rodriguez is telling hers to a camera so don't worry. Neither of them is dead. Why are movies doing this shit now? Atomic Blonde recently had the same issue among many others.


I gave this movie a 2 because it made me laugh. It wasn't supposed to but it did. The makeup was bad. The acting seemed like it was being made up as they went along as well as the script. The fake blood go can to hell. I am tired of CGI blood in movies. I know this caught some shit from trans groups for making the surgery a punishment. I was mad at how easy the surgery was but appreciated the way too long nude Michelle Rodriguez scenes.

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