Status
Update 6/10
The
other day I watched this movie called Status Update with B&H.
This stars Ross Lynch as this kid named Kyle that moves into a new
town in Arizona from California. So of course he had this bleach
blond hair and is accused of smelling like avocado. When he arrives
immediately people shit on him. He gets picked on by jocks. The
teacher is movie rude to him. In reality this guy would have draws
raining down on him like confetti based on how he looks but he has to
be picked on. He lives with his mom, sister, and grandfather that
seems to always be on the shitter and getting walked in on. One day
one of the jocks breaks his phone and he heads to a mall to get it
fixed by this weird ass dude that I know from the internet. He
unlocks this app called Universe where when he updates his status
(get it?!) it will come true. It is like a genie.
He
starts to use his new app and things have a tendency to be
inconsistent. Like he wants to sing well but gets an female opera
singer voice. He has to be specific with his wishes. He wishes for
his car and his deadbeat ass dad arrives with the car and is kinda
just living with the family now. Kyle is now good at hockey, singing,
dancing, getting women. This one girl starts liking him and she sings
to him looking him in the face and making eye contact causing me to
cringe. She is dating this guy that everyone knows is gay but it is
like he does not care and just does not want this new kid stealing
her. Hell, she even knows he is gay. It is very weird.
He
ends up hooking up with this other girl who I assumed had magic
powers because she was 100% wicked city woman. She takes a picture of
them kissing, posts it, and then he just gives up on the other girl
and starts dating her. I was like “What?!” So now they are a
thing I guess and he has officially stolen two chicks. He ends up at
her place for dinner and the family is all about status. He makes a
phone wish for the family to love him and the mom ends up loving him
a little too much. I get it. Famke Janssen plays the mom and throws
herself at him. Literally. He escapes from her. He also has a friend
at the school that is such a loser his parents think Kyle was paid to
be his friend and can barely contain their excitement when they find
out that Kyle actually exists.
At one
point Kyle breaks his phone and he even admits to everyone that he is
a phony but no one in hell is gonna believe a phone app that grants
wishes. The genie dude is gone. But this is one of those movies where
everything turns out just fine. He gets his girl back. Makes his dad
act like an adult. Gets the gay dude to accept his gayness. This was
a fun little movie but I'm not gonna believe for a second that this
guy would be picked on as much as he was.
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