Click here for reviews of Episodes 1 and 2. There will be spoilers.
Chapter
Three: The Trial of Sabrina Spellman
So
after Sabrina fucked off her dark baptism she and her family have to
deal with the repercussions. She is being sued by Blackwood for
breaking her contract with the dark lord. Her aunts end up having
their powers taken away and one of them has a tooth fall out and they
are both aging rapidly. She wants to hire this lawyer that has experience
with working supernatural trials and he turns her down until he looks
at a picture of his daughter who is dead. Meanwhile Madam Satan aka a
school official is fucking with things behind the scenes. I know I
don't keep mentioning her much but I'm not trying to make these long.
Sabrina ends up finding out that this same lawyer got a lot of
terrible people off during trials and he explains that after a deal
with the devil he could not lose a trial and one of the guys killed
his daughter. Whomp whomp. He feels bad and will not represent
Sabrina at trial.
Until he does. During
the trial it is revealed from Hilda that Sabrina was already baptized
is a Christian church so jokes all all them bitches. Satan is like
fuck this and calls them to his chambers and cuts a deal. Sabrina can
stay in the lame ass mortal world but she still has to go to the
witch school sometimes. The aunts get their powers back and Sabrina
is all butt hurt at her aunts for keeping secrets. Meanwhile at her
school her friends are getting mad about banned books and one of them
is going blind. This whole show is about secrets that should not be
kept. Oh, and Ambrose is checking in about this iguana that may be a
familiar that belonged to a guy that may be a dead warlock.
Chapter
Four: Witch Academy
Harvey's
dad sucks and wants him to work in the coal mines on weekends for
work. I guess you need zero experience to do this. He ends up seeing
some demon shit and leaves immediately which pisses his dad off.
Sabrina's friend that got sucker punched by bullies last time has a
uncle at her home who is nuts after seeing something in the coal mine
as well and ends up snapping and attacking Harvey. They tie him up
and tell no one. Too many secrets. Ambrose starts dating the dude of
the dead guy and uses a spell to leave as a hologram. He has to hurry
or he will die and the guy he is with sees him vanish so some shit
will start because of that. Madam Satan pretends to be someone who
needs mortuary service and steals random shit from Sabrina's room.
Sabrina
is at the new school and everyone sucks except this little kid. She
lies to her boyfriend Harvey about heading to an expo with her aunt.
Those Weird Sisters start hazing her with some jacked up shit. I'd be
like “Look. You all know who I am and have the potential to be. Why
are you fucking with me?!” She ends up finding out that the nice
little kid is dead and there is a bunch of dead kids that died during
this hazing called harrowing. She lets her aunts know and they show
up and Zelda did the same thing to Hilda back in the day making me
dislike her more with every passing episode. The dead kids scare the shit out of the Weird Sisters so they will likely do worse shit. The school also won't
let Sabrina try the cool shit magic and Blackwood gives her this
thing called an Acheron Configuration and says if she solves it she
can take these classes. This guy named Nick Scratch (I know what that
name means and so should she!) gives her her dads old journals and
she is able to solve it. The shit cracks open and sand pours out and
a demon kicks open her door and she screams like me when a woman likes me. Will Sabrina survive? Will her friend go blind? Will her other
friends crazy uncle turn into a demon?
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