Game
Of Thrones Season 8 “The Last Of The Starks”
As
always this will be full of spoilers. Oh, you sons of bitches! This
episode had me on an emotional roller coaster. I was sad, happy,
excited, sad again, happy, baffled as shit, and mad by the time the
episode ended. Not for any bad reasons like the episode wasn't good.
The episode was great and a really well paced follow up to the
previous war filled one. But holy shit, HBO. This felt like meeting a
hot chick and then she whispers “Hail Hydra...” in your ear. This
starts off with the funeral for all who died during the battle
against the Night King. I actually wondered how they would handle all
those bodies considering I used to move corpses for a living. Christ,
I have had some weird jobs. They show Jorah's body and Dany whispers
something to him. Not sure what it was but it probably was something
like “Wait till they see how fucking crazy I really am.”
Seriously. I know her family 'nem. Them fuckers is wild! So they burn
everyone, Jo gives a speech, and then they head inside to celebrate.
Oh, and Ghost is alive. I know folks were more concerned about that
wolf than anyone else.
During
the festivities people are getting stank ass drunk. Gendry is like
“Where Arya?” and The Hound is like “I bet you wanna know...”
because apparently on this show if you have had the sex people can
tell by looking at you. It's been so long for me that maybe there is
some way to tell. Just when Gendry is about to leave Dany calls him
out. She mentions he is Robert's son and hold him responsible for
shit his dad he didn't even know did. Ain't that some shit? She
mindfucks him a bit before changing his name to Lord Gendry
Baratheon of Storm's End. Thanks? I guess? He runs off to find Arya
and proposes to her and she is all on her independent woman thing
now. Hell, she killed the Night King. She don't wanna be a “lady”
and lets him down. I don't know what she did in that bedroom with
that boy but the shit must have been spicy. Tyrion is working the
room and tries talking to Branbot-5000 which is like trying to talk to a
plant. Pretty sure it hears you but you won't be able to understand
the response. Dany leaves the party when she gets all in her feelings
because Jon is being praised as good as a king and how he can back
from the dead. Dany inside is like “I got dragons, lived through
fire, saved thousands, and these people still don't like me.” I was
thinking someone needs to give this girl a high-five, stat!
Everyone
is getting drunk including Tyrion, Jaime, and Brienne. They play some
guessing drinking game you people who went to college played and
guesses she is a virgin. She gets pissed and leaves. Jaime follows
her to her room. Tormund, who is all about her, gets pissed and
complains to The Hound about it. The Hound ain't got time for your
problems! Jaime ends up heading to Brienne's room and acting all
“Woo, it sure is hot. I should start undressing. Next thing you
know they are doing the sexy time. Don't feel bad for Tormund and
all. He ends up boning down with some women are are hanging around to
have the bone down. Sansa sits down with The Hound who no one will
leave alone. He says if she had left with him she would have been
safe and not had all the terrible shit that happened happen to her.
She retorts that she would have stayed the “little bird” as he
called her.
Dany
finds Jon who is still kinda drunk and she says that Jorah loved her
but not the way she loves Jon. They start doing that thing where
humans put their lips against one another as a sign of affection when
he stops. She is like “I wish you never told me that I was your
aunt.” See, to her the shit is fine because her family tree has no
branches. But he is creeped out by it as he should be. She does not
want him to tell his sisters about his true lineage and he says he
can't do that as asks what else he should do. She is like “I just
told you, fool!” The next day Dany has a meeting with everyone and
they all disagree with her because her plan means going right into
battle against Cersei even though they have a shit ton of hurt
soldiers that are tired and just lost thousands. Jon decides to agree
with her which is dumb as hell but I get it...kinda. Tyrion reminds
her that they want to remove Cersei, not destroy King's Landing and
she is like “Rrrrrrright...” After she leaves the room Arya and
Sansa are like “You better talk to her!” They meet in the woods
along with Branbot-5000 and Jon makes Sansa and Arya swear not to tell
his secret and he lays it on them. They don't show it but he tells
them.
Jaime
tells Tyrion that he is staying in Winterfell with Brienne and Tyrion
guesses that they did adult things. See?! You can just tell! Suddenly
Bronn shows up with a crossbow and says he really only needs one of
them alive. Jaime does not want to make a deal but Tyrion reminds
Bronn that he made a promise years ago that whatever Cersei paid him
to kill Tyrion he would double it. He won't fight against Cersei but
says he will be back when all the dust settles. The Hound is heading
to King's Landing and Arya appears because he can not be left alone.
He says he has some unfinished business there (meaning his punkass
brother!) and she says she does too and they ride off together. It
was cool seeing them together again. Dany has her two dragons and the
one that was shot is healed enough to fly. Sansa is watching this
shit and looking all sour when Tyrion shows up trying to convince her
that Dany ain't all that bad. She is though. Sansa ends up telling
Jon's secret knowing he will tell Varys. Which he does. Varys wants
Jon to rule and Tyrion is like “Shut your mouth please!”
Everyone
starts heading off and Jon sends Ghost off with Tormund and his
wildlings who hate the area. Sam and Gilly leave (thank god!) and she
tells Jon she is pregnant. Good. Go. Bye. The ships are sailing to
King's Landing while Dany is on her dragon with another one next to
her. Grey Worm and Missandei (who I will just call Missy because my
spell check hates these names) are holding hands and happy which
means one of them about to die. Not because of the color of their
skin but because they smiled. Shit is looking okay until a spear hits
one of the dragons. It gets hit again in the neck and dies in the
water. Euron and his crew ambushed their asses. The ships get hit and
some go down and they wash up on a beach. Missy ends up captured by
Cersei and I knew she was dead because Cersei is fucking insane. Grey
Worm is losing his shit but holding it together better than my ass
would've.
Dany
and the others have another meeting and she is dead set on having
things go the way she wants because it is her fate to rule. Uh-oh.
Crazy coming out. Tyrion proposes they talk to Cersei. Yeah. You know
this won't end well. Oh, I forgot. Jaime finding out what is happening
ends up making Brienne cry and leaves her which means he is an
asshole again. He is like “I crippled a kid, strangled my cousin,
and killed a village for my sister so...BYYYYYE!” He leaves Brienne
crying which is unforgivable. I really like her and her character and
it pissed me off that this scumbag treated her the way he did. Cersei
tells (lies) to Euron about their kid and her creepy doctor is like
“Mmm-hmm...” We all know Jaime is the father and he will too once
that thing comes out crazy as fuck or with an extra limb or three.
So
Dany and a bunch of soldiers along with Grey Worm and Tyrion head to
the front gates to talk to Cersei. She has Missy up top and she is
looking shook. Tyrion and Qyburn the creepy doctor/zombie maker walk
up to talk. Qyburn is not willing to change a thing. Tyrion walks
past him and talks to Cersei on the wall saying how she loved her
kids and is not a monster. Cersei tells Missy if she has any last
words she needs to say them now. Missy is like “Dracarys!” Dany
knows what this means. The Mountain chops her head off and her body
is shoved down below. Dany storms off looking ultra mega pissed off.
Tyrion is standing there like “Fuuuuuck...” This episode was fucking
nuts and I have no idea how the next two episodes are going to go.
There are a lot of people left to kill or do the killing and my body
is not ready for it.
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