Game
Of Thrones Season 8 “The Iron Throne” 9/10
This
is full of all the spoilers. I have been enjoying the shit out of
this season. I know a lot of people are mad and want another season
or a redo of this season. I grew up in a world where shows just
disappeared with no goodbye so when I see all these people whining
harder about this than how their own parents raised them to be such
shit birds I get annoyed. Then I get entertained. I have gone on
Twitter after this aired just to laugh at how upset people are about
this. It is super entertaining for me. I have not read any of the
books this series is based off of but I do know that dude ain't
published one in damn near a decade. I find some information from the
books useful that I read on the Game Of Thrones Wiki page and go “Oh,
okay” and go about my life. But some people...damn. Some of you
need to check your dosages. Keep your lists of question the show has to answer to make you happy. I get not liking something because it
didn't turn out the way you wanted or expected. I call it my life.
But if this show upsets you as much as people are acting just write
something better.
This
starts off with Tyrion, Davos, and Jon walking through the now extra
tasty crispy King's Landing. Tyrion is like “I'll talk to y'all
later” and Jon insists he take a guard. Tyrion is like “Bitch
please.” Looking at it from his point of view this is super fucked
up. He thought Dany would be reasonable even though all signs pointed
to “Nah!” This is where he grew up. Chances are his only living
relatives are dead and he is likely next. He ends up finding the
location where he told Jaime to head and finds the bodies of Jaime
and Cersei buried under rubble.
Jon keeps walking through the city
and sees Grey Worm and his goons about to execute some of Cersei's
soldiers. Jon stops him and there is almost a fight. Grey Worm says
he is following Dany's orders. At this point I am still mad that Jon
is not hunting her down to straight up murder death kill her. You saw
what she did, dude! Grey Worm slices a dudes neck and starts walking
down the line.
Arya
heads back to where a bunch of the Unsullied and Dothraki are getting
way too hype over their victory. Dany emerges looking eleven kinds of
evil with her dragon behind her. Arya is watching from the sidelines
and I was expecting her to dagger her from a hundred yards away. Dany
gives a moving speech and promotes Grey Worm. Tyrion shows up and
stands next to her and she says he freed his brother and committed
treason and he tosses his Hand pin and is like “Bitch you
slaughtered a city!” She has him arrested meanwhile Jon is standing
there looking stupid. Kill this woman! Suddenly Arya is standing next
to Jon and he asks what she is doing there. I shit you not, if I knew
someone like her I would end up boxing their ears appearing out of
nowhere like that. Remember, he didn't know she was even coming. She
says she came to kill Cersei but Dany beat her to it. Jon tells her
to meet him outside the city walls and she lets him know she knows a
killer when she sees one and Dany is all about that life.
Jon
visits Tyrion in Logical People Who Make Good Decisions Late jail and
Tyrion asks if there is life after death seeing as how Jon kicked the
bucket that one time. Jon says not that he can remember and Tyrion is
grateful for that small comfort. Tyrion wastes his time trying to
reason with Jon. He points out that Dany knows who Jon really is and
if her speech sounded like some shit a kind ruler would be saying.
They couldn't even understand what she was shouting but the shit
sounded evil. Tyrion says that Jon always tries to protect people
from danger and asks who is the most dangerous now. Jon is still like
“Nah.” Tyrion asks what about the Stark ladies. Jon pauses and
says that Sansa does not get to choose who to be loyal to an Tyrion
is like “But you do bitch!”
Jon
heads off to find Dany and Drogon comes out from the snow. For a
second I thought it was gonna eat him. Hey. Last episode. Weird shit
can happen. Inside the Throne Room Dany is staring at the Iron Throne
and getting all happy. Just as she is about to sit, not so fast!, Jon
walks in. She starts talking about how she pictured the throne as a
child and she couldn't count and blah blah blah. Kill her. He says
that Grey Worm is killing people and she is like “Yeah, I know.
That's what they get for living where they live and following who
they followed.” Jon starts weeping like an emotional bitch and I'm
watching this going “If he don't kill her now I am gonna shit my
mouth!” They start kissing and she gasps. I gasped. Then I smiled.
Then I cheered. He buried a knife in her ass and lowers her down as
she dies. Dany dead! Jon killed Dany! Oh. Muh. God. I can not believe
this shit! Suddenly dragon! Drogon has some fucking Spider Sense and
knows something is up. He flies up there and tries nudging Dany
awake. No dice. He looks at Jon the way I look at a buffet at The
Soup Plantation and burns the Iron Throne to nothing. He looks like
he is gonna kill Jon but picks up Dany's body and flies away.
Next
thing you know Tyrion is being marched by Grey Worm to a meeting at
Dragonpit with some of the other leaders and such like Sansa, Arya,
Bran, Gendry, Davos, Brienne, Sam, and Yara. God, I love Yara. I
sleep on talking about how she is my jam but she is totally my jam.
Grey Worm says that Jon is still locked up for murdering Dany. I am
shocked the didn't kill him outright. Guess when you ain't got no
dragon decisions have to be made more civilly. Tyrion says that a
king or queen should decide what happens but there is not one. They
have to decide who to make their leader. Arya and Sansa's uncle
starts running down his resume until he is told to sit down. Yara
thinks Jon should die because she was working with Dany. Pffft. Sam
says the people should vote which makes everyone laugh. Then Tyrion
drops the bomb on all these bitches.
Tyrion
suggests Bran. Sansa is like “Nuh-uh, bitch! He can't walk or have
kids!” Hater. Tyrion says that he got crippled, survived, went past
the wall, became the three-eyed raven, and because he can't have no
nasty ass little kids that makes him perfect to lead. Tyrion asks
Bran if he wants to rule and Bran is like “Shiiiiit, negro. That's
all you had to say!” Actually he does that blank stare and then
asks “Why do you think I came all this way?” He is now Bran the
Broken which sounds insulting a bit. It would be like calling me
Dante the Nearsighted or Dante the Darker Than All You Other Friends.
Bran then punishes Tyrion by making him his Hand. Tyrion does not
want this shit. Grey Worm thinks that is all well and good but wants
more punishment for Jon. I wonder what they could do...
Tyrion
finds Jon in the jail for People Who Do The Right Thing Only After
Thousands Have Died and lets him know that his punishment is to be
sent to the Night's Watch. Remember how much fun he had there last
time? All that freezing cold. People talking shit to him. Killing
him. Jon still has the nerve...the NERVE...to wonder if he did the
right thing. Dude. The crazy chick you were boning down with turned
out to be your auntie and used a dragon to kill a city and planned on
doing it some more likely after killing your goofy ass. Yeah. I think
you did the right thing. Grey Worm gives Jon snake eyes as he walks
past. Grey Worm is gonna go visit Missandei's home. Probably hoping
she had a sister that don't mind he has no penis. Or balls. He has
one of those missing right? Or is he a virgin? (checks the internet!)
Okay. No ball sacks. Got it. I mean. I do. He don't.
Jon
finds his siblings waiting to say bye to him. Sansa is happy because
she still gets to be queen of The North. Arya is like “What's west
of Westoros? We don't know? Good. That is where I am going!” Bran
says some spooky shit and then Jon leaves. Brienne updates Jaime's
timeline and makes his death sound way more noble than it was. I
would have been like “He hit it and quit it and died in rubble with
his sister/baby mama! Ew! Gross!” Tyrion and the new council that has
Davos, Brienne, fucking Bronn, and Sam meet with Bran who shows up
being pushed by Podrick who is now a knight to be weird and says he
may find the dragon before scooting off. The fuck?! They may have
chosen the best worst person.
Jon
heads super North to The Wall and Tormund is there. He and a bunch of
wildlings head out and then through the forest because fuck the
Night's Watch! Oh, and Jon greets his dog Ghost and pets him which I
am sure made the internet happy. Sansa gets her crown and is all
happy. Arya rides away on a Stark ship ready to have a far more
interesting life than anyone else. I fucking enjoyed this season. All
I expected was to be entertained by it and I super was. It was fun.
It was action packed. People died. Characters got to do some awesome
shit.
No one can take away the fact that Arya killed the Night King.
Theon died a hero. Jaime turned out to be a scumbag after all. Dany
lost all her shit...then her life. The Hound got to kill his brother.
I am gonna have to rewatch this season because so much happened in
such a short amount of time. This was a really fun past six weeks and
I wish I could thank everyone involved in this show for the past
eight seasons for all the hard work that they did. Now it is time for
me to dive into another series. Thank for reading these, y'all.
No comments:
Post a Comment