Nothing But Gossip December 17th 2013

Justin Bieber announced that after his new album comes out that he is retiring. That's like someone kicking your ass every day and then saying that they have decided to stop after you've lost the ability to function. You can't just help ruin the music industry and run away, boy! I doubt he is serious because we all know how little girls like to play. There was also a 911 call placed from his home after a 20 year old girl passed out.

Also, his pals Lil Za and Lil Twist are being sued by a photographer who says that they and two of Beeb's guards attacked him and tried to take his camera. Girls just wanna have fun!

Terrence Howard who seems to only pop up when hitting women owes over $50,000 in back rent for his place in New York.

Michael Clarke Duncan, who died well over a year ago, still is in an unmarked grave like some kinda old West desperado. His fiancee at the time, Omarosa, says that his family wanted to take care of it even though she said that she could and would.

Crystal Hunt, Lizzie Spaulding from Guiding Light (duh!), was arrested for felony assault after smashing a glass on another woman's face at a bar in West Hollywood around 12:30am. She's free on bail because fuck it she's pretty. She is claiming self defense.

Tami Erin aka The Bad Pippi Longstocking was arrested after drunk driving and hitting three cars. She didn't even hit them all at once. She just kept on driving screaming “A hope and a hey and a hope sha-na!” That last part isn't true. Here comes Pippi Longstocking, watch out here she comes. No, seriously! Watch out! I've seen parts of her porno by the way, and may I say, well done! (slow clap)

What that mouth do, though?

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are officially done. He says that she brings out the bad side of him. Damn. How bad do you have to be to bring out the crackhead in someone? She wants her original name back as well. They have a prenup so that isn't an issue. They were married for 4 years and he was getting his smoke on for 2 of them.

Kim Kardashian is catching hell after accusations that she plucked her baby, North's, eyebrows. She says that she hasn't but the sad thing is that I don't believe her. I mean, I doubt she would do it herself. She'd have someone do it for her. So in a weird way she is telling the truth.

Lindsay Lohan is writing a tell all book and making a new album. Good lord. Our eyes and ears have no chance of withstanding such an assault!

Charlie Sheen is pissed at Denise Richards now because he wants to cut her child support payments which is $55,000 a month because she wont let their kids spend the holidays with him. Fuck, that's a lot of money!

Tila Tequila is doing another sex tape, this time with a dude. If its anything like her other one I'll pass. Its supposed to be very hardcore which if you've watched any porn lately is like saying “Water sure is wet.”

Because life as we know it isn't absurd enough, child killer George Zimmerman has started doing art and is selling one of his pieces for over $100,000. “It allows me to reflect, providing a therapeutic outlet and allows me to remain indoors” he said. Which is good for his ex wife, new girlfriend, and any Black kid that comes near him. He plans on moving out of Florida. Nope! He's also allowed to carry a gun again. Really?! Have we learned nothing?!

50 years old and bitter former NBA megastar Michael Jordon announced that his 34 year old wife is pregnant with twins. Fuck me. He already has three kids who are all in their 20's. I guess he must hate having money. I mean, congratulations!

Paul Walker's death certificate and cause of death were released and it was pretty much what you'd expect from someone smashing into a tree and bursting into flames to die from.

Chris Brown's probation has been revoked. It is said that he is doing well in rehab for his anger issues even after he threw a rock at his mama's car and has thrown shit fits because they won't let him smoke weed.

Kelly Lebrock from one of my favorite movies when I was little, Weird Science, was pulled over and arrested for DUI. Her mugshot is...well.

Oh, my.

But this is how I'll always remember her.

Almost there...

No. Like this. Smart ass.

That's crazy! My pants vanished!

Mike Tyson's wife Kiki Tyson, is being harassed by a woman saying she is his mistress. She, Mickey Gordon, is saying things in emails like “YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS F**KING TWO YEARS OF TORTURE, I SWEAR YOU WILL ON YOUR MAMA & BABY GIRLS GRAVE YOU F**KING WILL!!!” and “I WAS STRONG WHEN WE MET 20 YRS AGO & NOW I'M STRONGER ... I WAS IN THE MILITARY, A DRILL SERGEANT IN THE WEAPONS FIELD, YOU KNOW WHAT THE F**K I'M ABOUT BITCH!!!”

Beyonce released a new album without telling anyone. I don't really care. I just wanna post a picture of her.