Oh, what a year it has been for movies. Good films were very few and far between while horrible ones just ran rampant. This year it was hard to find five good films of the year because most of the films I enjoyed the most I've in the last month and since I am only doing five I had to shave off a lot of bad ones, otherwise this would have been best five films and twenty worst. I'm sure a lot of people will disagree with my choices. Tough shit. Make your own list, you weirdo.
Top 5
Best Movies Of 2013
This
movie had no right to be as good as it was. It hit every single note
perfectly in terms of making me laugh, smile, cover my face in shame,
and smile leaving the theater. This is one of those movies that made
me realize why I enjoy seeing movies. Its a hard sale getting people
interested in this movie because the premise of a guy falls in love
with his computer program sounds weird to folks. But I'll still
suggest it. Hell, I remember having a hard time selling Beasts Of The Southern Wild to people and they missed out on one of the best films
in years.
If you
had told me that a Superman film would be the best superhero film to
come out this year I would have laughed at you. Many fans of Superman
hated this film (“He doesn't kill!”) which is probably why I
liked it. I've never been a fan of films based off of him. This had
everything I like about animated Superman films: lots of shit being
broken.
Big
ass robots fighting big ass monsters. That was what I wanted since I
was a kid and I got it this year! People seem to have the same
arguments against this film as they did with Sucker Punch. Sometimes
I just wanna watch a bunch of things being blown up and hit. This
movie was very what you see is what you get and that was awesome for
me. I bought this movie and have watched it every few weeks and each
time I notice cool little things that the creatures and robots do.
This made me want a giant robot of my own.
This
movie was funny as fuck! A lot of films came out that were not
supposed to be funny and were so it was nice to see something that
was far funnier than the trailer made it seem. I sat there laughing
the entire time which is nice since so many sad ass films came out
this past year.
I went
into this just knowing that Matthew McConaughey was skinny. That's
about it. This movie proved that he is seriously a great actor when
given the right material to work with. I like when films have main
characters that start off totally unlikable and by the end you're
cheering for them. This was that movie.
Top 5
Worst Movies Of 2013
This
should've been good. It wasn't like there was a different guy playing
Iron Man or anything. It had all the right pieces. And then it
quickly fell right the fuck apart and didn't even attempt to get
itself together. Hell, even the scene after the credits was a
complete waste of time. This film just made me mad and not want to
see more of these Marvel films. Thor didn't help.
How do
you take one of the funniest men in comedy right now and make him not
funny? By doing an 80 minute special, having 50 minutes of it not be
funny, and about an extra 20 being not funny skits and credits.
Seriously, I laughed one time during this. One. Time. This was the
weakest standup Kevin Hart has ever done. The stuff he puts on
Youtube for free is funnier than anything in this.
Fuck
you, Wolverine. This movie was so much ass. Just...so much ass. If
you've ever wanted to see Wolverine not have his powers, cry about a
woman he kissed that one time, fight a robot samurai, not even quite
look like Wolverine, and scream a lot then you may have loved the
hell out of this. It was a waste of time, money, and special effects.
Hopefully no more of these will be made.
This
will be known as the movie that didn't want to take personal
responsibility for how shitty it was. You can blame critics all you
want, but when you make something that is over two hours long and let
everyone know from the very start that neither of the main characters
can/will die that's all on you. This movie sucked so hard. “Look!
Johnny Depp is acting weird! I haven't seen that in...months.”
If you
want to see slaves getting their asses beaten in crystal clarity then
by all means see this. You wont take anything new from it that you
haven't seen before. The information shown during the credits is the
movie I want to see. But that isn't what I got. I got to see a lot of
non-Americans playing American slaves and masters. Good times. Don't
see this. Ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment