Avengers
Endgame 10/10
FULL
OF ALL THE SPOILERS!!! I raced to see this because shit was spoiling
it fast. I saw a poster with one of the characters and thought “Well,
that's a thing I'll see. Thanks, punkass billboard!” It did not
detract from my enjoyment of this movie. I checked the showtimes for
this and it was either sold out or had seats right in front of the
screen and fuck that nonsense. AMC Sunset shouldn't even have seats
that close. I got a nice good seat. The theater was full and I was
ready to get my Avengers Endgame on. This movie managed to wrap up
over twenty films over the last ten years perfectly. I have no
complaints other than bitchboy ones like wanting to see more of
certain characters which was not possible since they got turned to
damn dust during Infinity War. That movie left off on such a bummer
so it made sense that this one started off the same.
Tony
Stark is floating up in space with Nebula. They were the only ones
left after the finger snap. They are onboard a ship but only have so
much oxygen left. He and Nebula chat and he teaches her table
football. They have a sort of bond. Stark leaves a message for Pepper
using his helmet. He falls asleep pretty much waiting to die. Nebula
puts him in a seat and he wakens blinded by a bright light. It's
Captain Marvel. The audience made no sound. It was deafeningly quiet.
Meanwhile back on Earth the rest of the survivors are trying to
figure out what the fuck to do. Captain Marvel explains to Thor that
this shit happened everywhere and not just on Earth.
They figure out
where Thanos is after Captain Marvel brings Nebula and Stark back to
Earth. They find Thanos who is half burned and fucked up. They snatch
his ass, cut his arm off, and are choking him. He lets them know that
he used the stones to destroy the stones and almost died in the
process. He starts talking to Nebula and Thor just chops his head off
and walks away. Steve works with a support group talking about how to
move on after all of this. He has not even moved on from his past
life let alone this crazy shit happening. Next thing you know it is
five fucking years later and the world is still pretty much
depressing as shit.
Scott
Lang is still stuck in the quantum world. A damned rat walks across
the buttons and he wakes up in a storage place. He gets out and does
not know what the fuck is going on. There are missing posters
everywhere. He finds a memorial to all the people who vanished and
sees his own name. He finds Natasha and Steve and explains where he
is. He says to them five years passed but to him it was five hours.
He thinks that they can find a way to bring everyone back using time
travel. They go to find Stark who now lives with Pepper and they have
a daughter. Stark tells them that they lost and failed and blames
Steve. He sends them on their way so they go and find Banner. Banner
stays in Hulk form and has come to learn to keep the smarts of Banner
and the power of the Hulk. It was so crazy seeing Hulk talking normal
and wearing clothes. He even points it out laughing that he wears
shirts now. Tony eventually decides to help when thinking about Peter
Parker.
The
team head to where Thor is staying now. It has been years since they
have seen him. They find Valkyrie and she says that Thor rarely comes
around except to drink. They find him at home while Korg and Meek are
playing Fortnite and Thor got fat. I thought they were gonna do
something where he transforms and becomes buff again but they ran
with this shit and I admired the dedication to the gag. Thor does not
want to hear Thanos name and is pissed that even after cutting his
head off that he doesn't feel any better. The group decide to split
up and time travel to different points in time to grab the Infinity
Stones since Thanos destroyed the originals. Banner, Steve, Lang, and
Stark head to New York in 2012 right after Loki gets his ass kicked.
They fuck up and Steve and Tony head to 1970 to get it from Stark's
father. I loved this scene so much.
Rocket
and Thor head to Asgard and Thor is not in condition to handle this.
He sees Jane and freaks out. He sees his mother and freaks out even
more. On Morag Rhodes and Nebula steal the stone after knocking a
dancing Star Lord out. There is a glitch in her and Nebula from the
past before Thanos got any stones starts projecting images to them.
Thanos has her brain scanned and is like “Holy shit I eventually
get the stones. Holy shit. I don't need to search for them. I can wait
till these nerds get them all and then just show up.” It is a great
plan! They end up taking over future Nebula and downloading past
version into her. Now past Nebula is pretending to help out and it is
very fucked up. The cool thing is that even back then Gamora was over
Thanos and his shit. The future one is captured and tells her that
eventually they start acting like sisters.
Barton
and Natasha head to Vormir to get the soul gem not realizing that one
of them has to die to get the damned thing and it becomes a fight
over who will get the chance to die and get the stone. It was a super
emotional ass scene that did not go the way I thought it would at
all. See, ever since Barton's (aka Hawkeye) family died he has been
traveling the planet straight up assassinating criminals. He thinks
he should be the one to die. The crew returns to present day with all
the stones now. Stark makes this cool ass Iron Man looking Infinity
Gauntlet. Banner figures that the radiation is mostly gamma and that
it is like he was made for this. He puts that sumbitch on and it
COOKS his arm. He cant use it. Next thing you know Thanos and all his
gang show up and blow the Avengers mansion right the fuck up.
Everyone is hurt and Thanos tells Nebula to go and get the stones for
him while he says he is gonna just sit and fucking wait for her.
I have
already spoiled the fuck out of this but there is so much more
because this movie is three hours long and there is no way I can
convey all the story, emotion, action, humor, and awesomeness of this
movie. I fucking loved this. A lot. They tied together years of
stories, characters, and everything in this. There were so many
scenes that tried to awaken my inner bitch and I shoved it down in
the hole in my soul. Not everyone makes it out alive and it is
surprising and sad. Everyone got a chance to shine and the
interaction between all of them felt good. By the end of it I didn't
even mind Captain Marvel so much and thankfully her powers were toned
down a little bit. She doesn't just show up and kill Thanos. He is
not easy to kill and takes on Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America all
at once. Fuck this was good! I plan on seeing it again next week but
mostly to get that Avengers popcorn bucket. It is shiny. This was the fastest three hours ever.
Robert
Downey Jr. as Tony Stark/Iron Man
Chris
Evans as Steve Rogers/Captain America
Mark
Ruffalo as Bruce Banner/Hulk
Chris
Hemsworth as Thor
Scarlett
Johansson as Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow
Jeremy
Renner as Clint Barton/Hawkeye
Don
Cheadle as James “Rhodey” Rhodes/War Machine
Paul
Rudd as Scott Lang/Ant-Man
Brie
Larson as Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel
Karen
Gillan as Nebula
Danai
Gurira as Okoye
Benedict
Wong as Wong
Jon
Favreau as Harold “Happy” Hogan
Bradley
Cooper as Rocket
Gwyneth
Paltrow as Virginia “Pepper” Potts
Josh
Brolin as Thanos
Benedict
Cumberbatch as Dr. Stephen Strange
Chadwick
Boseman as T'Challa/Black Panther
Tom
Holland as Peter Parker/Spider-Man
Zoe
Saldana as Gamora
Evangeline
Lilly as Hope van Dyne/Wasp
Elizabeth
Olsen as Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch
Anthony
Mackie as Sam Wilson/Falcon
Sebastian
Stan as Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier
Tom
Hiddleston as Loki
Pom
Klementieff as Mantis
Dave
Bautista as Drax the Destroyer
Letitia
Wright as Shuri
Michael
Douglas as Hank Pym
Michelle
Pfeiffer as Janet van Dyne
Cobie
Smulders as Maria Hill
Vin
Diesel as Groot
Chris
Pratt as Peter Quill/Star-Lord
Samuel
L. Jackson as Nick Fury
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