Season 1: “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street”
Maple Street, U.S.A., late summer. A tree-lined little world of front porch gliders, barbecues, the laughter of children, and the bell of an ice cream vendor. At the sound of the roar and the flash of light, it will be precisely 6:43 P.M. on Maple Street. This is Maple Street on a late Saturday afternoon. Maple Street in the last calm and reflective moment – before the monsters came.
This all starts because people listen to kids and if there is anything I know, kids in the 1950s didn't know shit and lied because there was no internet to prove them wrong. This nice little neighborhood is chilling. Everyone is outside playing, chatting, working on things. People were always working on things back in the day. Something flies overhead and flashes and they think its a meteor or something. Next thing you know everything mechanical stops working. They go from being confused to straight up freaking out cause some kid starts using a storyline from a comic book. They laugh him off at first and then start getting all levels of paranoid.
Steve is a logical human and is like “Let me just go one street over and check things out.” Charlie's punk ass is the one that really starts riling people up and standing watch over everyone. Steve has to defend himself because his wife mentions he works on weird things in the basement. Another neighbor is like “I can't sleep well!” He a alien! Charlie shoots a neighbor and after getting beaned in the head with a rock says the kid is the monster. Electronics start going on and off and pure chaos happens and they start beating each other and smashing the street up while these two aliens are like “Yeah, this is pretty much how it goes whenever we do this.” My Black ass would've stayed indoors as soon as people started listening to that kid. Reason don't live on this street. Just a bunch of jackasses that would never be able to explain this to cops.
Season 1: “People Are Alike All Over”
You're looking at a species of flimsy little two-legged animal with extremely small heads, whose name is Man. Warren Marcusson, age thirty-five. Samuel A. Conrad, age thirty-one. They're taking a highway into space, Man unshackling himself and sending his tiny, groping fingers up into the unknown. Their destination is Mars, and in just a moment we'll land there with them.
These two astronauts land on Mars. When they land one of them gets mangled and dies as he asks the survivor, Conrad, to people the ships door so he can at least look at what he died for. Conrad is like “Nah” and the other dude dies. He is just sitting on the ship when he hears this knocking. He thinks its evil aliens and eventually opens it up and there's just a bunch of white folk in togas. There is of course a hot woman one and he forgets all about his dead buddy. They bring him to a place that is set up to look like a home for humans and he thinks it is groovy. He is like “I'm gonna see you again, baby?” and she doesn't respond. Someone is like “You gonna see her!” He starts to get cozy and then notices that nothing works. Doors, windows, nothing. Wall opens up and his goofy ass is in a cage and he is now in a zoo for him. These aliens suck! This poor bastard watches his partner die, tricked into thinking he gonna get some alien poom-poom, and next thing you know he locked in a cage and has to take shits in front of Martians. I would be the worst zoo animal ever! I dare you to not put glass up! Poo! This Earthling fling poo 24/7! Y'all didn't have to do this to me! Hey, hot alien chick?! Poo! Right in ya blond hair!
Season 3: “The Shelter”
What you are about to watch is a nightmare. It is not meant to be prophetic, it need not happen, it's the fervent and urgent prayer of all men of good will that it never shall happen. But in this place, in this moment, it does happen. This is the Twilight Zone.
This physician Stockton is cool with everyone in his neighborhood. Takes care of them. They like “Oh, you got a shelter? That's cute.” News report comes on saying that shit is in the air and the government don't know what it is and its coming to the US. Everyone is like “Hmm. Nukes. Got it.” Stockton locks himself in the shelter with his wife and child like a responsible adult for safety. One by one his punk ass neighbors try to weasel their way into his shelter. He only got enough for his family. Whatevs, they say! They want in and he is being selfish for not putting his family in danger for their unprepared asses. They start getting racists with this Italian dude. They decide that the answer to being let inside the shelter is to bash the door down. And they do! Just as they clamor inside another report says that it was just satellites. Yeah. Everyone is safe. Let bygones be bygones, right?
Hell no! First thing I am doing in piecing everyone up! Let my son see me do it to show him this is how you handle this situation. Let the boy watch! Then I am moving because fuck this entire street. Next thing I'm doing is getting my money back from the company I bought this slanty shanty from. This was supposed to withstand a bomb or something, but a group of angry regular schmegular men can bust it down with a 2x4?! There is not enough curse words in the world for what I would have said to everyone on that street that bust down my door. Start saying all their private medical shit while I'm at it. “Your wife Helen got super crabs. And you, Harold, got some shit that don't even have a name yet.”
Season 5: “The Old Man In The Cave”
What you're looking at is a legacy that man left to himself. A decade previous he pushed his buttons and a nightmarish moment later woke up to find that he had set the clock back a thousand years. His engines, his medicines, his science were buried in a mass tomb, covered over by the biggest gravedigger of them all—a bomb. And this is the earth 10 years later, a fragment of what was once a whole, a remnant of what was once a race. The year is 1974 and this - is The Twilight Zone.
There are some futures where its so miserable and dusty that I don't wanna bother living. This is one of 'em. This old dude named Mr. Goldsmith gets messages from “the old man in the cave” and helps keep the townsfolk alive. They don't like it and want the food but he tells them he was told it has radiation. They wanna have some anyway and he lets them know that the old man in the cave told them not to plant there and they did anyway and now got raggedy food. Three soldiers show up and try to run the place. They have been trying to set up shop and lets them know that not that many people are even left alive now. He says its their job to rebuild society. He says that Goldsmith is a fool and Goldsmith knows that these guys just wanna steal their food. One of the main dudes gets mad that he can't rattle Goldsmith and pretty much mocks everyone for listening to this guy that talks to an old man in a cave that no one else is allowed to see. He rallies them all up and they force Goldsmith to take them to see the old man. He opens up the cave and it turns out it is a computer. They start throwing rocks and smash the machine and open up the canned food and drinks and get to partying up. The next day Goldsmith walks into town and everyone is dead from eating radiated ass food. Idiots.
Like, this dude wasn't a tyrant or anything. He never even raises his voice or slaps lettuce out their hands. He says “this is what I was told and what I am told keeps you alive.” Ungrateful ass town. I would have loved to see how they reacted when they started keeling over from snacking on gamma ray tomatoes.
Season 5: “The Masks”
Mr. Jason Foster, a tired ancient who on this particular Mardi Gras evening will leave the Earth. But before departing, he has some things to do, some services to perform, some debts to pay—and some justice to mete out. This is New Orleans, Mardi Gras time. It is also the Twilight Zone.
I love this petty old man. Jason Foster is with his doctor who lets him know that he is gonna die soon. His family arrives from Boston just ready to pick his bones after he dies. Its his daughter who is a hypochondriac, her greedy ass husband, the daughter who is vain as hell, and their son who acts like he was dropped on his head a few times when he was little. Foster tells them for Mardi Gras he has a special treat for them and starts reading them like books and being reverse insulting. He gives them masks of who they really are on the inside and says that they can not remove them until midnight or they won't get a dime from him. They put on the masks complaining about them the whole time. Foster shits on them one last time and sees it is midnight then dies. The family is like “Finally!” and start taking their masks off one by one. Their faces look like the masks now! Foster, who had a skull mask on, looks pleased as punch. I love this episode because it flies by each time I watch and I love seeing the look on their faces when they see what mutants they've become. I have never inherited anything from my family but bad vision and short temper. If I had some relative that I knew was rich and knew I existed I would be super nice to them.
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