The Review: Shot Caller

Shot Caller 8/10

There will be some spoilers, ya babies. Jasmine has been telling me to watch this movie Shot Caller for a while and tonight I finally did and I am so glad. This was a cool ass movie and reinforced my belief that I would not make it far in prison before getting killed for being stupid or killing myself because I love shitting in private too much. This stars Nikolaj Coster-Waldau from Game Of Thrones as Jacob Harlon aka Money. He is a normal ass guy with a normal ass job and normal ass wife and kid. But you don't see that at first. We see him being released from prison looking all kinds of rough and meeting up with Jon Bernthal aka Frank (not Castle) and Emory Cohen from that great movie Brooklyn. Money comes out with a reputation, ends up at a party where a girl gets shot, and goes on the run. This is his first damned night out!

The Review: Patchwork/Salt & Fire

Patchwork 0/10

I watch a lot of movies. That means that I watch a lot of bad movies because they can't all be good. A few days ago I managed to watch two movies that I couldn't even finish they were so bad. The first was Patchwork. Three girls wake up to find that they have been sewn together by someone. They each control different parts of the body but can not get along because women. I have no idea how this garbage ends because I think I made it about twenty minutes in before remembering that I have way more entertaining things to watch than bullshit like this. It was not cool, funny, or even interesting. I like a bad film that can at least be funny in its bad but this was not one of them.

My Song Of The Week: Morning Mix

Over the last few mornings I have been working on songs as soon as I woke up. I heard on some podcast a while back about how the brain functions differently after waking up. It's true. I come up with weirder ideas when I wake up. Ask me why I'm single. I decided to do some remixes of Michael Jackson, The Bangles, Gwen Stefani, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, The Ting Tings and a few more. Hope you like some of them. I aso make music for headphones. Click here for previous My Song Of The Week.

 

My Song Of The Week: Tender Loving Care

I was out of the house for a few hours and had to make up for it with something so I did a remix of Michael Jackson's song PYT. Click here for previous My Song Of The Week.

D And J DJ's Episode 4

D & J DJ's has returned! This time Jasmine has brought some Cardi B. and Yo Gotti to horrify me with She also introduces me to For The Dick/Pussy Challenge which meant that I had to make my own version. Click here for previous episodes. 

The Review: The Hunt For Red October, Elvis & Nixon, The Ghost And The Darkness

The Hunt For Red October 8/10

Over the last few days I have been watching a lot of movies. The first was The Hunt For Red October. I was in the same room this was playing when I was younger in school but paid zero attention to it. All I knew was that Sean Connery was in it. Imagine my surprise and joy while watching this with J-Ro and finding out that he was speaking with a Russian accent and sometimes in Russian. That shit was hilarious! This movie was not what I assumed it was about. This dude came across as this crazy ass captain of a submarine but had an amazing plan that should not have worked if not for the help and understanding of a young Alec Baldwin who owned all of the chest hair. Like, all of it. I said while watching that he had more hair on his chest than my entire body. Then it was pointed out that men with a lot of body hair had a lot of testosterone. I then looked at my hairless arms and continued watching the movie. If you haven't seen this, all three of you, check this out.

The Review: Lady Bloodfight

Lady Bloodfight 3/10

This is how IMDB describes Lady Bloodfight. “A blond American woman arrives in Asia. On arrival she is beaten up by thugs. She asks a fighter girl to train her - but really, she wants to take part in a tournament. Plenty of girls, of all races, fighting action.” By the way, Black chick? Taken out with one kick. She literally has the shortest fight in this movie. Just saying. Full disclosure, I watched this because I thought it was starring the Pink Ranger Amy Jo Johnson. I was wrong. It's Amy Johnston. She's still hot though so it was cool. She ends up heading to fight in a deadly tournament after getting fired after beating a customer up and then doing it again after he attacks her with his friends.

The Review: Moana/Kubo And The Two Strings

Moana 9/10

I decided to finally start plowing through my Netflix list and watched Moana. As you can tell by the score I fucking loved this movie. I'm not sure why I waited so long to see this. Hmm. Maybe because it takes a lot for me to get interested in animated movies these days. This is about a chief's daughter on a Polynesian island where her entire life she just wants to leave and go across the sea. Her dad is like “Fuck all that!” while her grandmother encourages her. As she grows up with the water being one of her friends along with a pig and an insane chicken that is close to the star of this movie she eventually sets sail after she finds out that the island is slowly dying.

My Song Of The Week: Pennywise

After seeing that movie IT last week I decided to make a creepy, circus type song. I like the way it came out. Click here for previous My Song Of The Week.

 

The Review: Message From The King/Little Evil

Message From The King 2/10

I watched this movie Message From The King on Netflix. I started yesterday and finished today. It was a struggle. It stars Chadwick Boseman aka Black Panther who gets a call from his sister in Los Angeles needing help from him. He heads there and ends up finding out that she is dead. She got mixed up with some bad drug dealers, bad boyfriend, bad movie producers, bad bad men, and bad dentists. She pretty much came to the city to die. He goes around beating the shit out of everyone with a bike chain and moral support from a single mother that gives blowjobs in a hotel room while her kid is at school.

Theater Whore: IT

IT 9/10

This movie was awesome. Oh, there will be spoilers, ya big babies. H. and I headed to the Arclight and got to check out IT. I have never read the book and barely watched the first one because we watched it in class. Yeah. That's the kind of school I went to. I say this to point out that I have no emotional attachment to this movie and no concerns whether or not it was as good as the first or if it stuck to the source material of the book. I just wanted it to not suck and not only did it not suck this was one of the best movies I've seen this year.

My Song Of The Week: Retrograde

Well, it's actually an album of the week. A few days ago I completed a mixtape called Retrograde that I'd been thinking about with songs using sound effects and the themes of classic video games. There is some Pac-Man, some Mario Bros., some Zelda. All kinda random shit. It was fun to do. If you don't like a song just skip it. I won't be sad. Disappointed, yeah. But not sad. Click here for previous My Song Of The Week.

 

The Review: Legion

Legion 10/10

I decided to take a small break from watching Ozark after this cute woman at work suggested I check out the FX series Legion. If a cute woman tells me to do something, be it watch a show or go to hell, I'll do it. I knew it existed and had zero interest in watching it. Some of the reasons why were because it was X-Men related and fuck that franchise (click here to read my bitching about it) and everything associated with it. Another was that the trailer did not make me interested in even checking out a single episode. I know who Legion is. He's Professor X's crazy ass son who tried to spend more time with his dad so he went back in time and tried to kill Magneto and ended up shooting his dad instead and fucked up the Marvel timeline meaning making it cooler. Why in the fuck would I want to watch a show about him?

10 Reasons Why You Should Have Watched Game Of Thrones Season 7

Game Of Thrones is halfway done with its final season and while I am pissed that it's ending I am happy that every single episode has been incredible and useful. Normally they will have throwaway episodes each season like when Bran is on screen for more than five minutes being spooky. But not this time! This time they were like “Fuck everything. People are gonna die. Creatures are gonna become zombies. Swords bursts into flames. Nephews fuck aunties. It's wild.”

Another thing I liked was that they gave no fucks about the next series of books that may never come out and are just writing a show which upsets readers of the book which makes me laugh. Sometimes I have trouble separating books/comics/graphic novels from TV shows/movies but since I have never read a page of the books I don't care but its funny listening to readers get upset. It's cool knowing some backstory to some characters but for the most part I don't give a fuck about the books and just want to watch a cool show and can ignore things like how fast they travel the land. Now here are 10 Reasons Why You Should Have Watched Game Of Thrones Season 7.

My Song Of The Week: Big As A Whale

Last week I was feeling weird and decided to do a song that has The B-52's, Gotye, Katy Perry, and The Darkness in it. I like the way this came out. Its very loud. Click here for previous My Song Of The Week.