The Review: JD's Revenge

JD's Revenge 8/10

“I do know that my baby say's I beat her up and I don't even remember.”

“Don't worry about it she gon' be back!”

This is the type of movie I was watching. I expected far more cheese from this movie J.D's Revenge and once again I ended up watching an actual movie. I would consider this a crazy ass mixture of a Doctor Jekyll/ghost movie. It starts with a flashback to the 1940's and this gangster named J.D Walker who watches his woman get murdered and then he gets shot to death. We then go to the 1970's and this college student that drives cabs on the side named Isaac who also drives cabs on the side in New Orleans goes on a date with his wife and gets pulled up on stage to go under hypnosis. While under he somehow has the spirit of J.D enter his body. They go dancing at the club and he starts sweating his ass off and this begins many moments of me wanting his wife to either force him to go to the doctor or phone a friend. He goes home and rests and by rests I mean he has nightmares of J.D's murder.

The Review: Soul Brothers Of Kung Fu

Soul Brothers of Kung Fu 1/10

This movie was such trash it doesn't even have a damn Wiki page. Soul Brothers Of Kung Fu was wack. I thought it was about some Black dudes doing kung fu in Harlem or something. Its not. It is a bunch of bad fights for the most part and horrible dubs. I know the dubs in these movies was never good. A fake Bruce Lee and this Black dude fight people. The ending is nothing but fights but not in a cool way. It turns into a car chase and then more fighting and betrayal. Not worth watching even for fun.

Bruce Li as Wong Wei-lung

Carl Scott as Tom

Click here for previous The Review.

Upcoming DC Films Excitement Levels 2

Five years ago I did a series of posts about my excitement levels for the upcoming movies meaning mostly superhero ones. There are a ton of DC movies coming out and I am gonna focus on the ones that at least have a cast because DC has a shit ton of stuff in development. There are some that I covered before that still have not come out and after a series of unsuccessful films. Okay, fine. I'll still talk about some of the ones that are allegedly gonna come out. I won't get into how DC has actual dozens of TV shows and still waste time on finding a way to make a movie that has zero connection to them with dozens more that were canceled with others coming back on a different network. I rate these on a scale of 1-5 with 1 being “Meh” and 5 being “Get hype, hookers!”

The Review: Melinda

Melinda 8/10

I was tricked into watching a real movie! Well, not trick. Miss Jackie has been watching a bunch of these crazy ass films and suggested I check this one out. It is called Melinda and was made in 1972. This is about a radio disc jockey named Frankie J. Parker. By the way, radio DJ was the job to want even through the 80's. These days people are made journalists or bloggers. Not decades ago though. DJ's got all the ass. He goes to take karate lessons and then he gets his ass kicked and leaves. I was mad because I thought this entire movie was karate based. I calmed down and continued watching. This lady from Chicago shows up and her name is Melinda. She meets Frankie at a nightclub and in his mind he knows he is gonna have the hit 70's sex with her. He is cocky as hell. So yeah. They have the sex. Some big ass dude with an afro follows them there and listens to them have the sex and it looks like it is so good that he climaxes just from hearing it.

The Review: Women In Cages

Women In Cages 1/10

This movie stank. There are bad movies that are good at their badness and there are just straight up bad ones. Women in Cages was a bad one that tried to have a message. I think the message of this one is not to end up in prison overseas and/or if you are gonna pay for sex to make sure its overseas. And you're not a woman because you will end up a sex slave on a boat or a sex slave in prison to Pam Grier. Yes, I have watched another movie with her. That is like three this week. I'm on a roll. This is about a woman that finds out her boyfriend runs a hooker ship with gambling and drugs. I don't think you can legally run one without the other two. He stashes some of his shit in her purse and she ends up caught and sent to lady prison. In lady prison the warden lady sleeps with you and if she feels like it tortures you in various ways. Then try to sleep with you still. Its confusing. For penis.

The Review: Honey Boy

Honey Boy 9/10

This was one hell of a movie. Honey Boy is something I had heard about but never really had any interest in watching. I didn't know the cast or anything really except for one of the stars. I watched it with CK tonight and as always every year if I had seen this before I wrote my Best Movies Of The Year this definitely would have made the cut. This movie was beautifully shot. Had an incredible story (which I didn't know was true) and some of the best acting I've seen. Seriously, CK had to tell me that this was based off of a true story and life after I gasped while seeing photos during the credits and shouting “That was real?!” There are some true stories so insane that they can't be real. This one was. It goes back and forth through time so I'm not gonna be recapping this entire film the way I do with others.

The Review: Blackenstein

Blackenstein BWAHAHAHA/10

I think I may have watched the best worst movie ever! Blackenstein was so much more than I wanted it to be. It is so insane that even the end credits scroll the wrong way. I thought this was about a scientist that created a Frankenstein monster that happened to be Black and he went insane or whatever. Wrong! This soldier named Eddie got his arms and legs blown off during Vietnam and his fiancee Winifred asks for one of her former professors to help him. His name is Doctor Stein and he got a Nobel Prize for solving the DNA genetic code. Hey. Quiet. Of course it makes no sense. She tours his new place and gets a job immediately and meets his assistant Malcomb. What an odd name. Malcomb can not even begin to pretend he doesn't want her draws. I'm surprised there wasn't a slide whistle sound effect every time he looked at her. Stein shows Winifred some other patients he is treating like this 90 year old that he has helped to look 80 (as far as I'm concerned) and some dude with a leg transplant that has one tiger leg.

The Review: The Arena (1974)

The Arena 6/10

Dude, this movie was fucking bananas. I just watched a Pam Grier movie so Amazon added this as a suggestion and as soon as I looked up the poster I knew I had to watch it. By the way, I need to point out that Grier had to be the most attractive woman to ever be seen at this point in cinema. Yeah, there were a lot of pretty ladies but none of them had the boom boom pow that Grier had. Fight me if you wanna be proven wrong. The Arena was made in 1974 and is about a bunch of women that were captured and brought to Rome as slaves. I am not gonna use their character names so I am gonna go based off of physical features and such. The blonde chick was stolen from a place that looked like something out of Midsommar. They slaughtered everyone in sight and brought her. The black chick was dancing to drums when all the men were killed and they got her. The other two don't really matter but there is the redhead with curly hair and the asshole. So they get brought to Rome and they all speak the same language and all get doused with water outside as a bath. They needed to show some naked ass women and they knew exactly how to do it. Oh, wait. There is some other woman. She was ditsy or something. Whatever.

The Review: Coffy

Coffy 8/10

That movie Coffy was fucking wild! I had heard of it, seen images from it, and never watched it until just now. This is about a nurse known as Coffy. Her actual last name is Coffin which if I were a patient would make eleven kinds of nervous. Her little sister is addicted to drugs and she doesn't plan to sit back and let the law handle it. She pretends to be a prostitute and gets this drug dealer and boss to take her back to his place. She blows the boss' head off with a shotgun and jams some drugs into the dealer. Then she heads to work but is too torn up to do her job well. Yeah. I heard killing folks has that effect. She bumps into a cop named Carter she knows that obviously wants to bone down. By the way, every single guy she meets wants to have the sex with her.

The Review: Midsommar

Midsommar 9/10

This will be full of spoilers. Like complete full on ass spoilers. I watched Midsommar with Koko yesterday because I still have no blu-ray player. This is one of the movies that would have been amazing in a theater in full Black Stereo. This movie is a mixture of all the things I don't want to do and they just get piled on top of one another. I cursed a lot while watching this and telling people to not do things that seem totally normal to everyone else. It starts with this college student named Dani trying to contact her sister after getting some dark ass emails from her. She can't get in touch with her parents either. She calls her boyfriend Christian (who you will learn to hate after thinking he was cool) who says that her sister, who is bipolar, does this all the time for attention. He is not happy with Dani but doesn't have the balls to break up with her and his friends think she is too much and that they need to split. Next thing you know Dani calls him wailing on the phone.

The Review: Hunt For The Wilderpeople

Hunt For The Wilderpeople 9/10

Spoilers ahead. Well, what the hell? I have heard of this movie Hunt For The Wilderpeople for a few years now. I was hunting for something to watch after a marathon of watching Uhh Yeah Dude because they dropped a bunch of episodes on Youtube for free. I have seen the directors movies. Some of them. Loved What We Do In The Shadows. Loved Thor Ragnarok. Gonna watch Jojo Rabbit soon I assure you. Just never really looked for this movie until it popped up on Kanopy. Oh, Kanopy. Its a free movie site available if you have a library card. That and Hoopla. And in case you didn't know you can listen to and download songs through Freegal with a library card. Shout out to librarians. So yeah. I watched this movie and loved it. This is about a bad ass kid that gets dropped off in the middle of nowhere to live with this nice lady and her husband who wants nothing to do with this kid. She ends up passing away and that shit caught me super off guard. I assumed I knew how this movie would go and had no idea.

The Review: Men In Black International

Men In Black International 1/10

Why was this made? Who was this for? Who wrote this? Some of the questions I had while watching Men In Black International. One thing I understood about this movie was why they cast the people they did but even with their combined beauty, talent, and charm they could not help what was a story that was weak and thin as school tissue. This lady Molly's parents were zapped by MIB after seeing aliens to forget what they saw when she was little wants to be an agent. The agents knew they had a kid but did not bother to head upstairs and zap her while they were at it. She meets a little alien and lets him go free and I immediately knew how this movie was gonna end. She easily finds the location of the MIB because pigeons flew through the force field. It was really that easy for anyone to find them.

Best Series Of 2019

Here is a list of the series I watched the past year. More than I expected to watch considering I don't get into many new shows. I just sit around and wait for a couple to return or suddenly find out that it was canceled or get mad that a show is still going on after it wore out its welcome. Mot of my favorite series are based off of comic books with two of them being shows I didn't even plan on watching. I have never done a list like this regarding shows I watched so I am keeping it formatted like by Best Movies Of The Year 2019 and Worst Movies Of The Year 2019 and Honorable Mentions. I honestly did not expect 2019 to have as many good shows as it did which is awesome. Hell, and I even missed a few that I'll have to catch up on this year. Seriously. Legion should be everyone's favorite show.

The Review: The Mandalorian

The Mandalorian 10/10

This was fucking amazing and this will be full of spoilers. As many people may or may not know I did not grow up a fan of Star Wars. I watched Episodes 1-6 in actual order. I have seen some of these new films but even managed to not watch those properly. But I do like Star Wars designs. I watch videos talking about lore form the books, animated shows, and video games so much that when I saw certain things on The Mandalorian I knew what it was. I started watching this after a few episodes had already aired and asked my friend Kish if I should check this out even though I am not a fan of SW and he made a point in only the way he can because he knows how to use words better than me an' shit. So I started watching the first episode and was immediately hooked.

Most Honorable Mentions Of The Year 2019

This is a list of things that I could not add to Best Movie Of The Year or Worst Movie Of The Year but I still wanted to mention. I also included some other random things that were my jam this year.

Most Honorable Of Mention

The Cave WHOA/10

"The way this was filmed it makes it feel like you are invisible in the hospital and actually suffering with these people which sucks. Not that the documentary sucks. It is informative and so hardcore that if a film was made with this premise and the situations that occurred you'd say they were overdoing it. Except this is real and happening right now."

I still think about this documentary and how rough it was to watch but nothing compared to the people that are affected by it to this day. I could not give it a rating like my normal films. I do that sometimes.

Worst Movies Of The Year 2019

The good thing about not seeing as many movies this year is that I didn't get to see as many bad ones. Now, I have watched some but they were from previous years so I won't be reviewing them here. This is my own Worst Movies Of The Year 2019. Or WMOTY. This year movies were either really damn good or just straight up hot garbage. These movies are hot garbage. There are even some in hindsight I would rate lower. I can like a bad movie. A movie can be cheesy as hell but I will still like it because it is funny or because they tried. These movies are ass with a budget. Click here for previous years WMOTY.