Friday, May 13, 2016

The Review: Mortal Kombat (1995)

Mortal Kombat ?/10

Mortal Kombat is one of my favorite movies of all time. People use it as an example of how terrible video game based movies are. Granted, the special effects look like something that kids with an iPhone will laugh at and the fight scenes are more hilarious than deadly. But, come on. It came out 21 years ago. I have watched this movie over 100 times. I am not kidding. This along with Training Day, Full Metal Jacket, and Tropic Thunder are movies I've seen more than any other movie.

The story is a few humans are chosen to represent Earth in Mortal Kombat. Shao Khan has won the last nine so now Lord Raiden played by Christopher Lambert. Yes. A New York born actor raised in Switzerland and Paris is playing an Asian god of thunder with an American accent. You figure it out! Liu Kang played by Robin Shou feels bad because his brother got his ass beat and killed by Shang Tsung and wants to represent his people who are like “Fuck off. You left.” Linden Ashby plays Johnny Cage who is trying to get his reputation back for being a great fighter. He isn't. He looks bad. Sonya Blade played by Bridgette Wilson is looking for Kano who killed her partner.

They get on a ghost ship and land in Out World. They get to meet Scorpion and Sub Zero which is cool. I like these two in the movie but for something based off of a fighting game there ain't all that much fighting. Most of the fights are warm ups. Liu beats this Black guy from WMAC Masters I wanted to look like when I was younger. Then he “fights” Princess Katana on the beach. He beats Sub Zero with a bucket of water. Sonya kills Kano with her skinny ass legs. That is her only fight before being kidnapped and screaming like a 17 year old being chased down an alley. Johnny Cage fights Scorpion and it is by far my favorite fight in the movie because Scorpion goes full World Star Hip Hop on him.

Goro...yeah. He doesn't look as cool as I remember. I mean, he looks good until he starts moving. The look and voice are cool. But he can barely move. You wonder how he has won so many fights. I remember Scorpion's hook looking real as fuck when I was younger but now it looks like a fake thing coming out of a fake hole in his hand. They did fuck up Reptile by making him one of the funniest looking CGI creatures ever but redeemed themselves by having him be a kick ass ninja later.

I refuse to give this movie a shitty score. I still love this movie no matter how terrible it is. The bad effects. The terrible dialogue. The laughable fight scenes. They do just enough to please me as a fan of fighting and the actual Mortal Kombat game. I got the bicycle kick, the harpoon hand, shit getting frozen, souls taken, and a four armed half dragon being punched in the dick.

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