Sunday, May 1, 2016

WWE Payback 2016 Review

No one in the above picture was at this show. I don't watch much WWE anymore. I tend to catch the highlight on Youtube, watch PWG clips, as well as NXT. As a child I watched wrestling all the time and in my early 20's would watch up to 11 hours a week of it. But over time I started to care less and less, my only real consistent contact last being when I was writing for Tha O Show. So watching WWE Payback tonight was a big deal because I will usually just watch Wrestlemania every year if I feel like it. This PPV ended up being better than the previous Wrestlemania and I actually sat through the entire show. Yay me. I'll rate each match the same way I do my movie reviews using a 1 through 10 scale.

United States Champion Kalisto def. Ryback Kickoff Match (7/10)

This was a really fun match and it kinda sucks that it was a kickoff match. The U.S belt used to be a huge deal back in the day and now its like a TV title. I thought I'd be tired of seeing these two going at it again but this was the best match they've had against one another. This should be the end of their feuding but I have a feeling they'll squeeze one or two more out of them. I thought this match was over a few times like when Ryback gorilla pressed Kalisto over his head on the top rope to the mat. Kalisto won with the Contra Code or whatever they call it in WWE. Is Kalisto still in the Lucha Dragons?

Dolph Ziggler def. Baron Corbin Kickoff Match (6/10)

The one thing I like more than watching Ziggler wrestle is watching him get his ass kicked. He picked up the win in this match that seemed rushed towards the end. Corbin hasn't grown on me much since I'm not quite sure what his character is supposed to be other than a one wolf. After losing to Ziggler I'm not sure where he's going or who he'll feud with. Ziggler won with a roll-up after being on the verge of defeat moments earlier.

Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady vs. The Vaudevillains ended in a no contest (FUCK!!!)

I was hype as shit going into this match. I have been keeping track of the tag team tournament where the winners would face The New Day. Enzo got the crowd hype as hell and the match was underway. Next thing you know he's tossed out, hits his head and neck off the rope and apron, and goes down limp. As soon as I saw the way his arms were I knew it was bad. I grew up watching boxing and know what an unconscious man looks like. The match was stopped and he was stretchered out of the arena. I was super bummed out by this. To see someone so lively go from flying around the ring to being carried out by EMT's just fucks with me. Reports say he is awake, moving his limbs, and has a concussion.

Kevin Owens def. Sami Zayn (9/10)

I was super hyped for this one! Coming off the heels of watching what happened in the previous match and dealing with a Chicago crowd Owens and Zayn could not waste time feeling one another out. I've watched these two wrestle for years throughout PWG, ROH, NXT, and now WWE. These two beat the fuck out of each other. Owens never stops talking trash and Zayn makes comebacks feel believable. The backstory they showed for these two just makes the fact that they can go at it the way they do that much more incredible. Owens won with a pop-up powerbomb.

Intercontinental Champion The Miz def. Cesaro (7/10)

Have to admit that I did not really give a damn about this match going in but Owens staying at the announce table and doing commentary during it really made it better than it would've been otherwise. I'm a big fan of Cesaro and while I don't hate The Miz, if he left the company I wouldn't really care too much. Cesaro gets better every year since I've seen him back in the days of the greasy ponytail and long pants. Cesaro won but the referee was distracted with Owens and Zayn fighting at ringside and then the ring itself. Afterward all four men attacked one another which means in a few weeks there will be a fatal four-way.

Dean Ambrose def. Chris Jericho (5/10)

Big fan of Jericho and so-so with Ambrose. This seemed like any other match they've had and could've been on Monday Night Raw and been the same. None of Jericho's finishing moves seem to work anymore. He can do a Lionsault, Code Breaker, or Walls Of Jericho and still end up losing. An awkward looking Dirty Deeds ended this one. There's not enough stank on that move like when Drew Galloway does it for me to go “Oh, he just got fucked up!”

WWE Women's Champion Charlotte def. Natalya (4/10)

This match was like recent Stephen King books: good start, great middle, terrible ending. They went with a screw job ending that is almost 20 fucking years old. Anyone that gets it is tired of seeing it or watched it online because they were not alive, and those that didn't were probably left wondering why the match ended in such a shitty way. I fucking hated the way this match ended and it ruined what was the only female match on the card by shitting the bed and having two guys whose combined ages are 125 years involved. No! I'd give the match a 3 but I am close to obsessed with Natalya's ass.

Vince/Shane/Stephanie McMahon Segment (1/10)

This bullshit could have been saved for Raw the next night. Vince was gonna pick which one of his kids ran the show and ended up making them share. This was probably close to 20 minutes long and if it wasn't it sure as hell felt like it or longer.

WWE World Heavyweight Champion Roman Reigns def. AJ Styles (8/10)

I knew going in that AJ was going to have to carry this match. I couldn't get into it as much as I wanted not because he was wrestling a cardboard cutout in Reigns, but because I knew that at some point AJ's friends or Reigns' cousins were gonna get involved. The match ended with a count out so Shane restarted it with no count outs. Then Reigns got DQ'd so Stephanie made it no DQ. After a clusterfuck of nonsense Reigns retains the belt. I didn't expect AJ to win the belt but it would've been cool to see him with it. I would've actually watched Raw the next night if he had. 

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