The Review: War Of The Worlds (2025)

War Of The Worlds -1/10

Oh, my god. I heard this movie was bad but didn't expect this level of bad. Miss Jackie made it 11 minutes. The poster is 95% of the movie. I slowly fast forwarded 20 minutes because it was just bad acting staring into the screen. This terrible father sits at work spying on people including his pregnant daughter and his son. When I say spying I mean he live tracks her and even hacker into her fridge to judge how she eats. She doesn't even invite him to her baby shower. He doesn't listen to shit his son says. A lady send shim some footage from all around the world showing weather than if I saw it in Africa my ass is worried in California. He like “I only watch people. Not the weather!” So his pregnant daughter who is a genius runs outside and stares at the aliens and gets a rod through her leg and has a baby. His son is a hacker he has been hunting and he found him using a program you can download for free to change your voice.

Sitting In The Aisle: The Fantastic Four First Steps

The Fantastic Four: First Steps 3/10

So I finally watched this. I was excited when I first watched the trailer but then Thunderbolts (which I watched and haven't written a review for because it would just be me hating for a paragraph) ruined my excitement. I don't have a lot to even say about this. I have seen every Fantastic Four movie and even made a post about who I would cast (click here for that). I didn't hate the Trank one as much as others because at least it was different but in hindsight my score for it is a bit higher than it should be. What I was hoping for was for this to be a fresh start in the MCU but then saw that they are being dragged into the current universe which for a while now has been rough as hell. From movies to series they have been pumping out more things I couldn't finish or plain disliked.

The Review: It Chapter 2

It Chapter 2 (3/10)

I absolutely loved the first It movie it seems. Looking back I don't remember liking it as much as I did. I also have vague memories of the mini series. My lady recently watched the old one. She didn't enjoy the newer one that much. We both watched this one together and...yeah. I don't even have all that much to really say about it. Mike calls everyone back because Pennywise is back and killing folk. Mike sounds like a damned lunatic most of the time, drugs his friend, lies to them all. He sounds like the worst. This movie was far too long feeling and we split it up into about three different watchings to get through it. The ending didn't even feel all that satisfying.

James McAvoy as William "Bill" Denbrough

Jessica Chastain as Beverly "Bev" Marsh

Bill Hader as Richard "Richie" Tozier

Isaiah Mustafa as Michael "Mike" Hanlon

Jay Ryan as Benjamin "Ben" Hanscom

James Ransone as Edward "Eddie" Kaspbrak

Andy Bean as Stanley "Stan" Uris

Bill Skarsgård as Pennywise the Dancing Clown

Click here for previous The Review.

Sitting In The Aisle: Superman

Superman 10/10

Spoilers. Finally! A good Superman movie! I have watched every Superman film. I made a list years ago of who I thought the best one was. I watched the cartoon in various forms ranging back to the damn 1940s. I am a huge Batman fan but have always hoped that a Superman movie would give me the feeling that the animated series in the 90s did. When I heard that James Gunn was writing and directing this I got happy and knew I had to see it in a theater because that man has the ability to make me give a damn about characters I didn't know existed or barely cared about. The fact that I liked Superman and Clark Kent equally was a fresh feeling. I sat in that theater feeling like a damn kid experiencing this character for the first time.

Curtain Call: Some Like It Hot

Some Like It Hot 6/10

Last week my lady and I went to see Some Like It Hot at The Pantage's Theater. I am not even gonna complain about how I couldn't understand about 60% of what was being sang by some of the performers because if you at the Pantage's at this point you accept the fact that they somehow have the worst sound system of any live theater I've been to. My lady got the tickets at a discount and the place wasn't packed. Also, the ushers were acting like workers at a polling place. I have seen the film version of this movie and liked it a lot and have seen it a few times as recently as last year so the story is fresh in my head. Well, nuts to that because this is very different than that version.

The Review: Love Hurts

Love Hurts 1/10

This movie was ass. I had heard of it and realized that I could just stream it so I did. Thankfully I wasn't expecting too much because I got even less than that. Guy named Marvin is a realtor and loving his life when suddenly this lady Rose he was once in love with comes back. He was supposed to have killed her for his brother Knuckles but let her live and now she wants her life back. Whatever the fuck that means. Different hitmen come after Marvin looking for Rose. They try to give the hitmen personalities which I blame Smokin' Aces for. The fight scenes go from “Oh, this is good” to “Okay, so now everyone is clumsy and can no longer fight. Got it.” This movie has some actual people that have made good movies and can act but there is only so much you can do with this trash ass story and writing. This reminded me of how everyone wants to be John Wick and Nobody but end up being Proud Mary, Atomic Blonde, and recently Novocaine. Just pure flash with no substance. Relationships feel forced. Music scenes jarring. Reactions ridiculous. Just...no.

Ke Huy Quan as Marvin Gable

Ariana DeBose as Rose Carlisle

Daniel Wu as Alvin "Knuckles" Gable

Marshawn Lynch as King

Mustafa Shakir as The Raven/Roger

Lio Tipton as Ashley

Rhys Darby as Kippy Betts

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Christmas In Carolina

Christmas In Carolina 0/10

I should give this a 1/10 because we laughed so hard at how badly this was made. I'm not even sure why we watched this. I think my lady wanted revenge for making her watch some movies she didn't like. This movie is about an unlikable woman that has a sister that says she should be dating. She meets with this guy and they have a raggedy ass date where she just gives him attitude. He likes her though. Why? Still not clear. So they go on another date where she gets mad because his phone range at the end and she made an effort to not be on hers. I'm still not sure what jobs either of them have but I guess they are successful at it. By the next time they meet he plans on proposing to her and his brother hates this and says that he did this last year and ruined Christmas for their mother. Misunderstandings happen but they all make up at the end and everyone lives happily ever after in what seems like weeks after meeting.

The Review: Opus

Opus 2/10

Yeah. Spoilers for a movie none of y'all will ever watch. My lady started watching this and suggested it to me out of curiosity. It was ass. It didn't get a 1 or 0 because I finished it and liked a couple of the songs. This is about a pop star from the 90s named Alfred Moretti coming out of retirement and people getting excited about it. This journalist Ariel gets an invite to the confusion of everyone at her job and her boss get invited along with some other people I don't care to discuss. They arrive on a plane and then take a bus to this compound. Its all weird and obviously a cult. Moretti has them all in rooms with a camera and someone who follows them around. He is hosting a dinner and Ariel stands there like an idiot as someone shaves her pubes because Moretti likes pubes a certain way.

The Review: Evil Season One

Evil Season One 7/10

A while back I started watching this series Evil after my friend suggested it and I checked out a couple of episodes before suggesting it to my lady. She started watching the show faster than me and I had to play catch up so we could watch together. This series is about a studying priest named David Acosta that checks out cases for the Catholic church seeing whether or not someone is for real possessed or just crazy. Dr. Kristen Bouchard is a psychologist that ends up working with David and balancing her insane ass life. Ben works with David and is skeptical as hell and helps with technical issues that comes up.

The Review: Kinky Boots

Kinky Boots 7/10

This past weekend my lady let me pick some movies to watch and thankfully they didn't stink. We started with Kinky Boots. I somehow had never seen this movie but have seen the live stage show multiple times and wanna see it again. I will admit it was odd seeing a story I knew but without them singing about what was happening. I will say though that the story is pretty much the same except for one change that was not major in any way and the meaning had the same impact.

The Review: Night Swim

Night Swim 5/10

Last weekend we started watching this movie cause there are too many streaming options and sometimes we watch something random as hell. This starts off in 1992 with this little girl sleeping in bed when the sound of a toy boat in the pool wakes her up. Her name is Rebecca. She goes to her brother's room who is on oxygen and says she is gonna go grab it for him since he had lost it. She tries fishing it out and it keeps scooting away. Eventually her ass is yanked in and still trying to get the boat. Undeterred she keeps trying until some mass pulls her under and she vanishes. 

The Review: In This Our Life

In This Our Life 7/10

Last week my lady and I went on a Warner Bros lot tour and Bette Davis kept coming up and we found this movie and checked it out. The premise sounded super simple like a woman steals her sisters man...for starters. I was like tell me more. Oh lord did they tell me more. This movie had a lot of stuff happening and from the way it began I did not expect it to end with a fiery car crash!

This is gonna sound confusing because this family got weird names and the girls have typically dude names. The father Asa used to run a company but now just works at it. He is walking home with Parry. Parry's mother works as a housekeeper for the family and he helps with driving and washing cars along with at a shop. Black people used to be too busy. So Asa comes home and his wife Lavinia is in bed and sick for no reason. She is like on those Hitchcock episodes where an old lady is just in bed but not coughing or anything. Just...unhealthy. But they always have the energy to fuss.

The Review: Five On The Black Hand Side

Five On The Black Hand Side 6/10

Last week L and I watched this movie randomly. I had vaguely heard of it but knew the phrase the title is based off of. Knew nothing about the story or anything but since it was made in 1973 I assumed I would see some titties. I was super wrong. This is the most anti-titty movie which is sad cause Miss Dubois is in this. So it starts off with this asshole husband bossing this lady around. I thought she was a maid but she had on sleepwear which I thought was odd. Turns out it is his wife who he never refers to by her name. This man has her entire day planned out for her before he heads to work. She just spends the first ten minutes of the movie looking like this.

The Review: Presence

 

Presence 8/10

Full of spoilers. L called and said she saw the first ten minutes of this on Hulu and thought I'd be interested. I was. This movie starts off with just a camera walking all around this house. Turns out that it is a ghost. The family arrives, Chris, Rebekah, and their teen children Tyler and Chloe. Whoever wrote this definitely hangs around or knows teens because they had their dialogue down. When they arrive Chloe seems to look right at the ghost who retreats to a closet. Chloe just walks around looking at the place and unknowingly being watched. They end up getting the house and while the workers are there one of them refuses to enter one of the rooms.

The Review: Novocaine

Novocaine 2/10

This movie was ass and a complete waste of the talented actors and actresses in it. This is about a guy named Nathan Caine that is an assistant bank manager that suffers from CIPA. This is when you can't feel pain. He lives his life very cautiously so much so that he sets a timer to go to the bathroom so his bladder doesn't burst because he can not feel he has to go. This is a real thing that exists in varying degrees and has been used in movies and books before. This co-worker named Sherry invites him to lunch and he works up the nerve to do it. She asks him to try some pie. He says he can't because he might bite his tongue off. He tries it. He doesn't bite his tongue off. He likes pie. He meets up for a art show with Sherry where he bumps into a guy from school who punches him back “just like old times.” Sherry pranks the guy and she and Nathan head to his place for the sex. She has cuts all over her stomach. Eeeeeverybody hurts...