Halloween
2/10
This
will be full of spoilers. Forget everything you think you know about
Halloween and all its various reboots and rewriting of history. Also
forget to enjoy yourself because this movie is not good. I'm not even
comparing it to the other films because I have vague recollections of
those and no serious attachment to them. I thought this trailer
looked cool and decided to check it out and ended up finishing and
going “Wow. That was a waste of time.” With a horror movie I can
watch and enjoy them for a lot of reasons. Because the kills are
creative. Because they are unintentionally funny. Because they scared
me. Because they were shot well. I don't have any of that to say
about this movie. Hell, even the way the movie looked and the camera
moved felt like a TV show. It had no flavor to it which sucks.
Forty
years after Michael Myers murdered folks some true-crime podcasters
show up to talk to Michael. A doctor has been treating him all this
time which means he has been talking to a human wall for decades.
Michael never talks. They, for whatever fucking reason, whip out his
mask and try to get him to talk. Even one of the podcasters gives the
doctor a look like “Is this even okay to do?” to which he nods
yes. Nothing comes of this at all except we are introduced to a few
people that will be killed later on. Then they head to Laurie
Strode's place to interview her. She wants Michael dead. She has been
divorced a couple of times, lost custody of her annoying daughter who
is now an annoying mother, and has been doomsday prepping for Michael
to return. She then tells them to leave.
Allyson
who is Laurie's granddaughter has a guy she likes who ends up
cheating on her. It is the silliest damned scene and one in which he
should have had his ass beaten by her or someone she considered a
friend. He does some movie level dick moves and she just walks away.
His friend leads her home and after making a move on her is killed by
Michael. Oh, right. The bus that was carrying Michael and other crazy
folk crashed and after a lot of go nowhere nonsense he finds his way
into town.
There
is this side story with a babysitter and this kid. The kid is a smart
ass and the babysitter of course invites her boyfriend over. The kid
says someone is in the room so she goes to check while the boyfriend
heads outside to smoke and fuck with things he shouldn't fuck with.
Of course she thinks things are fine until Michael slaughters her ass
and the kid runs. This story was added I am guessing to pad time.
There is a lot of that by the way. There is a lot of conversations
that mean nothing and scenes that have no pay off. They are just
happening. Anyhoot, Michael finds his way to Laurie's home and she
goes full Home Alone on his ass and ends up baking him alive in the
house. They even had the nerve to tease a sequel to this.
If you
are worried about this movie being too violent or gory or disturbing
you do not have to be concerned with that at all. There was an
episode of Punky Brewster that was creepier than this could have
hoped to be. There was too much focus on Laurie's uninteresting
granddaughter. I would have liked this more if there was just Laurie
and her daughter who had to grow up with her mom's seemingly extreme
behavior. But no. They show some glimpses of it and when Michael
attacks Laurie's daughter can't even begin to help. The only reason I
am not giving this a 1 rating I because the music made me nostalgic.
I really like that theme.
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