Friday, October 26, 2018

Casting Slouch: Jon Hamm as Batman



I am back again to casting movies because I have a lot of free time and like telling silly studios how to do their job properly...meaning how I want it. This time I am casting the next Batman movie and for this movie I will be using Jon Hamm. For anyone that thinks that Jon Hamm can not be scary just watch him in Baby Driver. He is one of those actors that looks one way but can act another which I love. I thought he only did things like drama and was funny in interviews but his few scenes in Bridesmaids had me cracking up. There is a lot I like about this guy and I am gonna explain why I think he could be the perfect Batman and what the story should and shouldn't have.

Jon Hamm as Batman Born: March 10, 1971 St. Louis, MO Height: 6'2”

Just like the problem DC movies have with Clark Kent even in the Christopher Nolan movies I've had a problem with Bruce Wayne. In the movies he is miserable as fuck and even when he is supposed to be acting like the billionaire playboy character he seems more smug than anything else. When he becomes a recluse because a woman he loved is killed it was a disappointing reason for me. I get it. She dead. Move on and keep kicking people's asses. I would want to see Bruce Wayne being an older playboy. He has been doing his thing for years and dating celebrities only to break things off when they start to get serious. He has a reputation for his womanizing ways and he uses it to his advantage. Why the fuck would the guy having sex with the latest famous actress ever be suspected of dressing up like a bat and fighting crime? But the previous live action Batman films versions of Bruce Wayne? Yeah. I'd buy it.

Another thing that is lacking in the live action films that is done very well on Batman: The Animated Series as well as the Adam West Batman series was detective work. In later films he does some scanning from home or whatever and gets results. Not shitting on it totally, but I'd like to see Batman doing some actual detective work because, you know, he's like, known as the world's greatest detective. Batman detects the shit out of stuff. I always love how shocked other heroes are when he already knows who they are. And I want a Bat-Phone. Know why? Because as much as I love seeing the Bat Signal I want this Batman to be known but not internationally known. He's not a pet for the city. I don't want Gordon to light that shit and Batman just show up. You need Batman you call and either he'll answer or he won't. Between the detective stuff and being Wayne I want that to take up about 80% of the movie.

That's right. I barely want to see Batman in his actual costume. I want to see more of the results of what Batman has done than Batman himself. I want when he does show up to scare the shit out of people. I also want the suit to not be armored up. Something close to the Alex Ross version of Batman. Look it up. No strange voice changing either. Just a low voiced pissed off man. When he puts on the suit he is immediately a different person. Going back to people being scared, I'm not talking about “Oh, no. It's Batman!” I want “Ah, fuck you're real!” and immediate running away and screaming. In real life if you were about to break into a house and turned and saw a man in the shadows with bat ears you'd think it was the devil and run away. I want that fear.

I also want Batman to be brutal but not as ruthless as he was in Batman V. Superman. That asshole straight up killed people and when you are a “good guy” that kills it just makes the bad guys do even worse. Batman will break bones, knock you out, and leave you to the police or Arkham. But he will not kill. I can easily picture Hamm playing this role and would love to see it done properly. I'd get the guy that directed Casino Royale to handle this movie. As for a writer I am not sure. If Max Landis wasn't a pariah right now he'd be a good choice. Oh, and absolutely no showing how Batman's parents were killed. If you do not know how he became Batman than I don't even want you seeing my movie. Give me a charming and clever Bruce Wayne and a terrifying Batman.

Click here for previous Casting Slouch.

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