Babbling Old Man: Samurai Cop

I watched this crazy ass movie that I heard about called Samurai Cop. He's hardly a cop and barely a samurai. This move was made in 1991 and fucking insane. Some of the worst acting, action, sex scenes, and music I've ever seen...and I loved it. I loved it because it was just so bad that I had no choice. It's like a silly pet that just lets the Frisbee hit it in the face every time you try to teach it to catch. I wrote a series of tweets while watching this nonsense. Enjoy!

Theater Whore: Let's Be Cops

Let's Be Cops 6/10

Finally got to check out the movie Let's Be Cops starring Damon Wayans Jr. and Jake Johnson. While there are parts of this movie that are funny as hell it makes the same mistake a lot of comedies involving police do in that there is always a part where it becomes too serious. Sometimes its for a moment but other times, like in this one, it gets serious and stays there for too long and then it isn't that entertaining anymore. Keegan-Michael Key shows up and is funny as hell as well as Rob Riggle. Both of them are funny no matter what they do. There's no need to rush out and see this. You'll laugh just as hard when it's on cable.

Click here for previous Theater Whore. 

Ross Radio Show 166

Felt like playing some good old school music. Newcleus Jam On It, Midnight Star Electricity, Nu Shooz I Can't Wait, Kurtis Blow Basketball, World Famous Supreme Team Hey DJ, Rock Master Scott & The Dynamic Three Request Line, and Tom Tom Club Genius Of Love. Click here for this and previous Ross Radio Shows. 

Theater Whore: Chef

Chef 8/10

Mala and I went to see this movie Chef that has managed to sip right past me when it came out a few months ago. The only thing I knew about this movie was that Jon Favreau was in it and there was food. So I made sure that we got full at the Arclight Cafe before seeing the movie (I'll be writing about that on my food blog soon). So we headed inside and checked out what turned out to be a really good film.

Favreau wrote, directed, and starred in this as Carl Casper, a professional chef that is stuck in a rut. He wants to be more creative with what he is making but the guy who runs the restaurant, Riva played by Dustin Hoffman, reminds him whose place it is and to calm his shit and just make what he's told. Molly played by Scarlett Johansson who is the hostess and everyone is getting excited because a food critic is coming. His sous chef Bobby Cannavale and line cook John Leguizamo are incredible in this and I laughed every time they were on screen.

Nothing But Gossip September 2nd 2014

Someone hacked into Apple's iCould and stole a ton of naked ass images of celebrities including Kate Upton, Kirsten Dunst, and Jennifer Lawrence. The FBI is now involved but the pictures have been flying all over the internet. There are more women named but I don't know who the hell they are.

Suge Knight is recovering after being shot six times at a Grammy party thrown by Chris Brown. No one is talking even though they may or my not know who the shooter is because street justice is still a thing.

Speaking of Brown he just plead guilty to that assault case in D.C. He just wants to move on with his life. I mean, look at this picture of him maturing!

Comedian Joan Rivers is on life support after having surgery on her vocal cords.

Theater Whore: Sin City 2 A Dame To Kill For

Sin City 2 A Dame To Kill For 6/10

Today Koko and I went to check out Sin City 2: A Dame To Kill For. I wasn't expecting too much from this but it was better than I expected it to be. It has been almost ten years since the first film and it shows on some of the actors and actresses most notably Mickey Rourke. Missing were two actors that have passed away since the first film Brittany Murphy as Shellie and Michael Clark Duncan as Manute who was replaced by Dennis Haysbert as well as Devon Aoki as Miho who is pregnant.

The first story is a col short story starring Marv where he wakes up not knowing where he is or what he has been doing. He realizes that he's back in his old neighborhood and chasing these guys that burned a homeless guy. Its pretty fast where he has the guys murdered and kills a few himself while playing back how he got there. Short and sweet and very...very violent.

Theater Whore: Frank

Frank 9/10

Its kinda hard to write a review about such a strange film like Frank because the plot can be summed up very quickly. A guy that wants to play music ends up recruited by a strange ass band that is fronted by a guy that wears a giant mask that he never takes off and madness ensues. There's more to this movie of course which is why I gave it such a high score. It was just a damned good movie to watch. H. showed the trailer to me a few weeks back and I had no idea what I was looking at. 

Domhnall Glesson plays Jon. He's a pretty average guy who lives with his parents, has a job, and is obsessed with making music. While at the beach he sees a guy try to drown himself. He looks over and this band called Soronprfbs end up recruiting him as a keyboard player. Maggie Gyllenhaal is Clara who plays a theremin in the band. She kinda crazy. Then there's Frank played by Michael Fassbender. As I said, he wears a giant head all the time, even when showering. He is the lead singer in this weird band.

Dating Naked Show Nudity

There's this new show n VH1 called Dating Naked. Remember when that channel used to play music videos? Well, stop living in the past because its all about silly ass shows now. This new show sounds so ridiculous that even that part of me that likes silly shit refuses to get on board with it. I thought they meant Naked & Afraid but that's a whole 'nother show.

“Dating Naked is an American reality series shown on VH1, which debuted on July 17, 2014. The show, focused on a man and a woman, attempts to create a match between two participants who are completely naked. VH1 blurs out the genitals of both sexes along with the breasts of the women. The show does show naked buttocks of both genders. The man and woman first go on date with each other then they have two additional dates with other people. The show is hosted by Amy Paffrath who is not naked on the show.”

Theater Whore: Expendables 3

Expendables 3 6/10

I got to check out the movie The Expendables 3 featuring the big ass cast consisting of Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, Wesley Snipes, Antonio Banderas, Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford, Kelsey Grammer, Kellan Lutz, Ronda Rousey, Glen Powell, Victor Ortiz and Robert Davi. This took everything you liked about the previous two films and just multiplied it. More team members, more explosions, and more deaths. Seriously, this is the closest you’re going to get to a Contra movie.

The premise is someone from the past comes back, hurts a team member, crew is disbanded, new group brought in, old crew joins, mayhem ensues. That is pretty much the entire film. If this is something that sounds cool then for sure you’ll like this. I enjoyed the previous films so this was cool as well. 

Best stuff was with Snipes kicking ass. Statham didn’t get to do enough. Rousey was good. Banderas was surprisingly funny and refreshing. Lutz was a total waste. This guy has zero personality in film but is great in interviews. Crews is barely in this. Couture, even after three films, manages to be a non-issue. Gibson plays a great villain. The best they have had so far. This movie should do well but probably won’t. Lot of way cooler movies out right now.

Click here for previous Theater Whore.

Nothing But Gossip August 14th 2014

Comedian/actor Robin Williams has killed himself at the age of 63 after years of battling depression by attempting to slit his wrists and then hanging himself. Williams' body was found by his assistant. He also had a history of drug and alcohol abuse.

Todd Bridges from Diff'rent Strokes fame has apologized after making comments regarding Williams' being selfish by committing suicide. “You don't think that my life has been hell and I've had so many ups and downs now. If I did that what am i showing my children that when it gets tough that's the way out No you gotta buckle down ask God to help you. That's when prayer really comes into effect.” Look. Everyone handles life in their own ways. Some can deal, some can't. Some have mental issues, drug problems, or are just sick of struggling. Not everyone wants to talk about feeling so bad they want to end their lives. We never know exactly what's going on in someone else's head. How many times have you heard of someone seeming happy that ended up dying?

Kendall Jenner is suing an 18 year old waitress who claims that Jenner skipped out on a bill after eating and threw the money in her face after being chased down. Jenner's lawyer says that while Jenner did forget to pay (who the fuck forgets to pay for lunch except people who never have to pay for lunch?) she did pay when asked. Now the waitress is being blasted for trying to gain fame because she wants to be an actress.

Theater Whore: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2/10

At the end of this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie Megan Fox has a facial expression and it caught me off guard. That isn't a good way for me to start this off. This movie didn't need to be made. I know it isn't for fans of the comic books or animated series. Any of the animated series. And if it is for new fans, you know, trying to bring them in then it seems like they would have put a little more effort into making these characters likable or at the very least cool. It failed on every level from the acting, the voices, the action, and the plot. My god, the plot! And please don't point out how much money this made. Transformers has made a shit ton of money and those films are absolute ass.

Spoilers ahead.

Ross Radio Quickie Show 15

I just saw Guardians Of The Galaxy and loved the soundtrack. Classic songs from many genres. In this episode I play a few songs including 10cc I'm Not In Love, Elvin Bishop Fooled Around And Fell In Love, Raspberries Go All The Way, Norman Greenbaum Spirit In The Sky, Jackson 5 I Want You Back, The Five Stairsteps Ooh Child, and Redbone Come And Get Your Love. Click here for this and previous Ross Radio Quickie Shows. 

Theater Whore: Guardians Of The Galaxy

Guardians Of The Galaxy 10/10

How did this happen?! I remember when I heard they were making a Guardians Of The Galaxy movie and I laughed. I thought that Marvel was scraping the bottom of the barrel with their movies. How could they possibly make a movie where the only character I know even vaguely is Rocket Raccoon and have it make any money or anyone give a damn? Turns out that not only did they make an incredibly entertaining movie, they made the best Marvel film to date. This was hands down better than any superhero team that has ever been made. I know that I'm talking it up pretty big but that's because its true.

This will contain some spoilers.

Nothing But Gossip August 2nd 2014

Lamar Odom is being blamed for Rob Kardashian’s downfall. It is being reported that he never recovered from the death of his father famous lawyer Robert Kardashian and latched onto Lamar in following years while he was married to his sister Khloe Kardashian. Now Rob is fat and sad.

Linda Hogan’s ex boyfriend is suing her for a million and a half dollars because he says she worked him like a day laborer. Charlie Hill lists all the things she made him do which seem fair when you realize he was just a damned boy-toy. She got her lawyers on it because when they split she gave him things as part of the settlement and he was supposed to shut his mouth. She was 48 and he was 19 when they got together. Ew...

Michael Strahan and Nicole Murphy have called off their engagement because one of them lives in New York and the other in Los Angeles. Why even bother engaging, you idiots? Thankfully they have no kids together but Murphy has two fine ass daughters from her ex husband Eddie Murphy. By the way, don’t marry a woman that keeps her ex husbands last name for publicity reasons. That’s just Hollywood 101 shit right there.

DVDiculous: Batman Assault On Arkham

Once again DC proves that when it comes to animated features they are head above shoulders superior to Marvel. This movie Batman: Assault On Arkham is one of the most bad ass animated movies I have ever seen. The premise is pretty basic and that is what makes this even better. You take six criminals who are serving hard time, cut a deal with them for shorter sentences if they survive the mission, and let all hell break loose. Out of the six of the Suicide Squad I was not familiar with four of the members but after seeing this I am interested in finding out more about them.

You have Deadshot who is kind of the team leader because he is the least insane. He is good with weapons and wants to be able to see his daughter. There is Harley Quinn who is now split with The Joker and has attached herself to Deadshot. Captain Boomerang who has issues with Deadshot and is constantly trying to prove that he isn’t the butt of the joke. Black Spider who is a modern day ninja and holds his own against Batman. He trusts no one on the team. King Shark who is a metahuman and can and will bite the heads off of people. Last there is Killer Frost who until seeing this I thought was one of the lamest characters in the DCU.