FAP FILES: Olympic Athletes

I don’t know much about sports. I know about as much about athletics as I do about having a healthy relationship which is to say not all that much. But what I do know is hot chicks. There are a lot of women in sports tat are way attractive, totally blowing the myths of manly women out of the water. Some guys look at a muscular woman and call her a lesbian. That’s insecurity and you should work on that. Me, I know to stay away because I like having my penis in one piece.

The sports that I have loved watching women do ever since I was little have been wrestling, running, roller derby, and gymnastics. God, I don’t know how many hours were wasted watching big legged women bouncing around the place. I love stocky women but there is also a place in my pants--oops--heart for some tall and/or lean women. Here are some that would kick my ass for just looking at them.

Allyson Felix runs fast. Has she won any medals? I think so. I’m pretty sure she’s won medals for being fast. Which is good because I’d be chasing her for about twenty feet before my sides started hurting and I had to give up. Her only downside is that she is extremely religious.

Hey, you shut it! I’m not making that mistake twice. Good thing is that I don’t have to know her to be able to look up images of her. And video that some people have put in slow motion because I’m not the only perv on this planet. Runners have been making my pants tighter before I even had my first kiss at the age of 25. What?

Ronda Rousey is an MMA fighter who has a thing for breaking women’s arms. If you wanna see her do it just search for almost any video of her fights. Its pretty honked up. There was one chick that trained for three months just against Ronda’s arm breaking technique and got that shit snapped in a minute.

She is now in the UFC and the sections of my dreams where I cry and hide my arms behind my back and tuck my junk between my legs Buffalo Bill style. This chick fights in draws and had no problem getting butt ass booty naked on the cover of an ESPN magazine cover. You know what? I’d still give her a try even though she’d do to my penis what she does to arms.

This next one…I don’t even know how I found out about her but it was last week. Michelle Jenneke runs hurdles and is ridiculous fast. She’s from Australia so you know that if I got within ten feet of her not only would she be able to jump over furniture and immediately kick my ass, but she’d also be able to take my soul and steal my powers.

There are countless videos and gifs of her doing her little sexy dance before she runs. Its short and fast but the fact that she looks so damned cheerful when she does it makes it even hotter. I don’t now if I’ve told you this, but I like happy women. This women looks happy. And makes my pants happy.

And this is who you can blame for most of my Olympic love. Dominique Dawes.

Click here for previous Fap Files.