In the latest issue of Glamour magazine Dakota Fanning is on the cover showing how sexy she now is. Now, as a man…legally…I’ve been known to have strange taste in women. There is no consistency to it. But I absolutely can not look at Fanning as a sexual creature. I’ve watched her grow up on television since she had those bonkers teeth and had to wear false ones in films. Watching her turn 18 and suddenly start doing sexy photo shoots does nothing for my penis and for that I am happy. This is what I see when I look at Fanning.
Yeah. That’s not sexy. Now, I know that there have been plenty of other actresses that have grown up during my lifetime. Lindsay Lohan for example. The thing with Lohan is that I didn’t watch her grow up. To me she did Freaky Friday and then suddenly had tits. I think the only movie I’ve watched starring her was Mean Girls. Another is Tatyana Ali from The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air but she is around my age and we grew up together. Not, like, physically. Just in my mind.
There will be times when I am watching things like the Olympics and some chick will be doing floor exercises and such and I’ll be like “Well, ‘ello, love…” and then my brain will jump in the middle of my penis and brain like a referee. I jump on the internet and go to the tale of the tape and I’ll check the age of the chick and it’ll say she is 19 and I actually breathe a sigh of relief. There are very few actresses or famous dames below the age of 21 that I find attractive and when I do see one I feel like a dirty old man.
I have always wondered if when I am 60 will I find 60 year old women hot. When I turned 18 high school girls didn’t seem as attractive anymore even though I was still in school. That was just bad planning on my parents part. I hated the 19 year old guys with cars and jobs that dated girls still in school. Before I got with one of my ex’s in school she was 16 dating a 22 year old guy and that creeped my right the fuck out. Besides the fact that he and all the other perverts are legally too old to date a child it was unfair and fucked up the accessible vagina curve.
The Olsen twins are another good example of non-boner inducing women. They are in their 20’s now and I have literally watched them grow up from babies to women that look like they wake up saying “One of us, one of us…”
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| Mommy, I'm scared... |
My junk can not get excited about them no matter how old they are. It just cant. If you think that’s unreasonable or immature, I’d like to introduce myself to you once again. The twins are off limits sure, but their sister Elizabeth Olsen? Nope. Totally fair game. Why her and not them? Because I didn’t watch her grow up that’s why!
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| Fap? Yep! |
Besides the fact that Fanning is off limits for all the reasons stated, she just scares me a little bit. I don’t know what happened in a past life but blond chicks with blue eyes scare me. Also in a past life I assume I ate White people since when one runs past me sweating I want to give chase.
For me to be attracted to someone with those features there has to be something magical about them. Yeah, there are some hot blond haired blue eyed women that are ridiculous hot but for me personally its very few. Plus, Fanning isn’t all that cute. Sorry. I should’ve mentioned that earlier.
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