Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Stop It Lil Kim

I was watching a show the other day and they popped up and image of Miley Cyrus and Lil Kim at a club looking eleven kinds of strange. Besides the way they both look, what puzzled me was my junk. It said to me “Dante, at some point you were physically attracted to this woman. How come not now why?” Yes, my penis talks like a two year old that was drop on its head during birth. At one time Lil Kim was cute. Not a bombshell or anything but she was a cute chick. I present to you exhibit A!

Look at her. Normal. Her breasts weren’t the size of melons. Her eyes were fine. Her lips didn’t make her look like a meth’d out duck. It all started when Puff Daddy Diddy Sean Combs gave her some exercise equipment for a gift. She thought she was overweight and decided to work out. Which was fine. You feel doughy, do something about that. I get it. But then she went and got some cheek and jaw work. Which is also what I call oral sex. Thank you! I’ll be here all week!

From here on out it was a slippery ass slope of cosmetic surgery. I don’t know who her doctor is but they need to be fired. Not because they didn’t sit down and say to this poor girl “No!” but because they are bad at their job. Does anyone walk into a doctors office and say “I want you to make me look like a cat!” Well, there is that cat lady. And that Guinness World Record dude who look like a cat. But besides them, no one.

I like chicken, I like liver...

I was telling my friend that if I was walking down the street and heard a girl say “Excuse me” and turned around and this was in my face, I’d full on “!!!” kick her in the chest out of pure fear. Her face scares me. She looks like she is taking a perpetual shit in her pants. I’m not against plastic surgery. You want some pounds sucked out its cool. But when you end up going from a cute Black chick to Kenny Rogers then you’re doing something wrong. No one is asking what she’s doing with her music half as much as they’re asking what she did to her face. Stop it, Lil Kim.

You didn't plan on sleeping, did you?

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