My lady and I have been watching Twilight Zone marathons together for years now and almost every time we see someone and say they are the worst something. For a while I have wanted to make some kind of list featuring the worst (insert thing they are the worst at) and have decided to finally get it started. I am gonna take someone from each season of the series and explain why they are the worst at it. Gonna start off with these fellas. This should be fun.
Season 1: David Wayne as Walter Bedeker in “Escape Clause”
You're about to meet a hypochondriac. Witness Mr. Walter Bedeker, age forty-four. Afraid of the following: death, disease, other people, germs, draft, and everything else. He has one interest in life and that's Walter Bedeker. One preoccupation: the life and well-being of Walter Bedeker. One abiding concern about society: that if Walter Bedeker should die, how will it survive without him?
This guy stinks! His poor wife does nothing but take care of his raggedy ass and he thinks she and his own doctor want him dead. He just lays in bed thinking something is wrong. One day this guy Cadwallader shows up and is like “I can give you immortality.” Bedeker works out all the little tricks and such that could possibly be attached to such a deal and signs the contract. If he truly wants to die he can get out the contract though. Just costs him his soul which he is told he will barely miss.
Bedeker puts his hands on a radiator and doesn't burn. Tosses all his medication. His poor wife is just like “What the hell is going on?” His immediate thought is “I need to commit fraud.” He throws himself in front of buses and such and gets bored with it. He drinks some poison and nothing happens. He is bored of being invulnerable. He says that if she had some imagination she would find a way for him to be excited and decides he is gonna jump off the building. His wife, Ethel, tries to stop him and ends up falling herself and dying. He calls the police and calmly tells them he killed her. He gets arrested and wants to get the electric chair but his lawyer is too good and he ends up getting life in prison. Asshat. He realizes he will be in prison forever and gives up and has a heart attack dying. This man treated his wife like ass, viewed her as an enemy, and caused her death and used it to try to get another thrill.
Season 2: William Shatner as Don S. Carter in “Nick of Time”
The hand belongs to Mr. Don S. Carter, male member of a honeymoon team en route across the Ohio countryside to New York City. In one moment, they will be subjected to a gift most humans never receive in a lifetime. For one penny, they will be able to look into the future. The time is now, the place is a little diner in Ridgeview, Ohio, and what this young couple doesn't realize is that this town happens to lie on the outskirts of the Twilight Zone.
I watched this twice during the last marathon and got more annoyed with the husband. Don and his wife Pat are heading to New York when their car breaks down. They end up in this diner find a fortune telling machine at their table. He starts asking simple questions and believing the answers while his wife gets more and more annoyed with him. Eventually he deducts that it will not be safe for them to leave until 3pm. Tired of his nonsense they leave a little early and are almost hit by a car and he is in full “See?!” mode. Don continue asking the machine questions and gets Pat to do it. She tries trick questions that don't work. Pat convinces Don that he can make his own decisions and they finally leave. Just as they do another couple rush in looking eleven kinds of stressed out! Funny thing, this is the only couple episode in the season so they made sure the husband was an ass.
Season 3: Barry Morse as Fitzgerald “Jerry” Fortune in “A Piano In The House”
Mr. Fitzgerald Fortune, theater critic and cynic at large, on his way to a birthday party. If he knew what is in store for him he probably wouldn't go, because before this evening is over that cranky old piano is going to play "Those Piano Roll Blues" with some effects that could happen only in the Twilight Zone.
This guy is a super dick husband! He goes to this shop to get a piano for his wife Esther's birthday. She is turning 26. Yeah. Robbing that cradle. The clerk shows how the piano works and starts acting all nice and out of character. Jerry is like “I must use this to embarrass other people!” and buys it. He shows it to Esther and can't even be nice about and is like “No point in you wasting money taking classes to find out you suck.” He tries to automatic piano out and the quiet butler starts smiling and when Jerry says he treats the butler bad the butler is like “You anger makes me laugh!” He tries it out again and Esther reveals that she hates him and married her just to have someone to be mean to. Jerry decides he must use this during her party. He just mean for no reason!
He plays the music for this dude and it turns out his wife is having an affair with him. Kind of forgivable considering who her husband is. He makes a big lady dance like a ballerina and laughs at her. He hands Esther another sheet of music to play but she switches it. Next thing you know he is acting like a spoiled little boy and admitting that he is selfish and scared of everything and jealous. They feel bad and start leaving. He tells Esther that he isn't mature emotionally and can't give or receive her love. The other man asks Esther to leave with him and she bounces. Jerry starts tearing up the music sheets and tells the butler not to laugh at him. The butler is like “You're not funny anymore.”
Season 4: Not Applicable
Season 5: Telly Savalas as Erich Streator in “Living Doll”
Talky Tina, a doll that does everything, a lifelike creation of plastic and springs and painted smile. To Erich Streator, she is the most unwelcome addition to his household—but without her, he'd never enter - the Twilight Zone.
Now, my lady tried to make an argument for this husband/stepfather because he was right that a doll was talking mad shit at him. But even before that happened he was a dick. He sitting on the couch waiting to be mad about something when his wife Annabelle and her daughter Christie come home. The mom is like “Take this straight to your room!” because she knows that Erich is a shit starter. Soon as they walk in he like “What's that?!” Christie says it is Talky Tina. Erich can't have kids (lucky fella) and takes it out on Christie. Weird behavior, dude. Annabelle is like “Can you at least try and love my daughter?” Erich is alone with the doll and winds it up and instead of saying something sweet it says it doesn't like him. After a few more threats he starts blaming his wife and saying she is playing a joke on him. She likely thinks that she is married to a lunatic.
He puts Tina in the trash and she gets free and is making calls to him. He comes at his wife again and she is innocent. He grabs the doll away from Christie and takes it to the garage to blow torch it and a saw and it does nothing. He tosses her into a sack and a trash can with bricks on top. Evil dies tonight! Nah. Annabelle is packing to leave him and he starts to regret shit and Annabelle says maybe he needs a shrink. He gets Tina and gives her back to Christie. Later that night Erich starts hearing weird sounds. He starts walking down the stairs and Tina trips his ass and he dies at the bottom of the stairs. Annabelle screams when she finds his body and Tina says that Annabelle better be nice to her. So no, he wasn't crazy. He was a shitty husband and stepfather though.
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