So I have been watching a lot of reality TV lately. I have worked in it since 2010 so I tend to not spend my free time watching it. But since last year I have had all of the free time and L. got me into watching shows I wish I had sooner because they messy as fuck and I like watching messy. Participating? No. Watching from a safe distance and talking mad shit about strangers? Oh, for sure. This show Married At First Sight is in its 12th season and I've never watched any of them. I had heard of it but didn't even have the channels to check it out. MAFS is about some people who walk up the aisle, remove blind folds, see their new spouse, and get married. They have eight weeks to decide whether or not to stay married by the final episode. I should also point out that I didn't watch every episode so this is based on what I saw, read on Twitter, and from L. who watched like 95% of this season. I'm gonna break it down by couples and my feelings towards them while watching. I'll also give them a couples grade.
Jacob (38) is tired of dating. He wants children and knows that he’s not getting any younger. Jacob already believes that arranged marriages are typically more successful than traditional ones. Therefore, the opportunity to get Married At First Sight is a win-win in his eyes. He is looking for a deep and meaningful connection and loves the idea of working with experts who have the same goal in mind. Hopefully, they can help him find the happy ending he’s been searching for."
Toxic as fuck! These people should not have even been friends let alone gotten married. Yeah, I know its the point of the show but still. Apparently Haley wasn't all that attracted to Jacob and they rarely seemed to enjoy even spending time around each other. I just watched and waited until she would say something, he would respond using Spock logic, and then they were arguing. Jacob was a okay seeming dude. He ate steak and eggs exclusively. Loved 80's clothes and stuff. He was super plain and never raised his voice or anything like that. Haley acted like an 18 year old. That is not a compliment. They had sex and it didn't seem to be all that great. They were that couple you learned to stop inviting to gatherings or hanging out with because they just made everyone uncomfortable. They ended up divorcing without really trying to be friends let alone a couple. Grade: D-
Vincent (27) was ready for marriage in a past relationship, but his partner was not. Despite his heartbreak, he hasn’t let go of the dream of happily ever after. Vincent doesn’t hold back when it comes to his feelings and he’d love the help of the MAFS experts to help match him with his dream girl. He embraces his Dominican culture, loves music, and is ready to find his salsa partner for life."
Out of all the couples these two seemed to have the most fun just being around each other and I was pretty sure that they would stay together by the last episode. They had differences like her inability to compromise. She thinks he sleeps in too late. Her solution is for him to wake earlier. He says he goes to be later. Her solution was go to sleep earlier and wake up even earlier. He wasn't perfect and tended to pout like a child when he couldn't do something or was afraid to try something new. It seemed like he listened to her and would try to give her things she had mentioned in conversation to please her. She had a budget that would make most people poor. He wanted to save for a future. She says she makes money so why not spend it. He wants kids. She says she has high blood pressure so perhaps not. I don't know. I think they can actually stay together for a while but if he doesn't have money she'll end up bouncing. Grade: B-
Ryan (29) is ready for marriage and is absolutely husband material! His parents have been married for over three decades, and Ryan feels that his father laid out the blueprint for what a supportive husband and dad should be. Ryan is hopeful the experts can find him a wife he can build a family with, and finally make his parent’s dreams of being grandparents come true."
These two were weird. Ryan mostly. He looked like Roy Jones Jr. love child and had a haircut like Jidenna and talked like what I imagine I sound like to most people. He was raised very churchy and wants that for his child. Clara don't. He is into health and fitness. Clara ain't. Clara pleases Ryan through the use of her mouth because Ryan don't wanna have sex yet. In return he...lets her please him with her mouth. The fuck?! How you gonna just receive and not give, you greedy bastard?! As if his hair and beard weren't enough to make me wanna chase him out of my village he gonna go and pull that shit. He also has never told a woman he loves her. He kinda ends up saying it in a letter. Clara says she is willing to wait to have the sex with Ryan. I bet its whack athletic sex. Just a whole bunch of unnecessary positions. Out of all the couples they seemed the most boring. When they talked he seemed like his thoughts were in another plane of existence. Either way they decided to stay married. Grade: C+
Erik (34) has been ready for marriage for a long time now and because he’s been married before he doesn’t want to waste any time finding his perfection match. Erik has accomplished everything in his life and is ready to start the next chapter with a family."
If the phrase “hurt people hurt people” had a face it would be Virginia's. She has had some bad shit happen in the past and says that she will vanish when she feels the need to. Hell, she tried with the actual show. She would pick fights. She loves to go out and get stank ass drunk multiple times a week with her dude friends. She acts like a teenager. She has pets that she lets sleep in bed. Erik is allergic and she gives zero fucks about that or beginning to train her goofy ass pets. Erik talks to her like the age she acts and she doesn't like it. They bicker all the time. I wouldn't wanna hang with either of them. They just seem super not fun to be around. Some people suspect that Erik is all MAGA-fied but I missed that episode. To me he seems like he would be perfect for a 50 year old woman that likes stability. Virginia wants a drinking buddy that will let her do whatever she feels like regardless of the consequences. By the way, she says she gets drunk and stays at her friends place. Who the fuck feeding her pets? Either way, they shouldn't have stayed together but they did. Grade: C-
Chris (27) has dreamed about getting married from a young age. Raised by Pastors, his faith runs deep, and he firmly believes in the power of prayer. He knows God will bring him his wife and he’s confident Married At First Sight is a sign of answered prayers. Alongside his wife, he wants to be co-CEOs, leaving behind a legacy for the many children he hopes to have!"
I have so much to say! There are certain women built for certain dudes but for terrible reasons. Guys that use the veil of religion and know the right bible verses to make them think that he is holy and wont treat them like shit...which is exactly what he will do. Chris is shit. He is one of those dudes where if I were his parent I would be ashamed and wonder how I raised such a ain't shit person. If I were his friend I would have to stop. If I were an ex I would be happy I got away. By the way, it turns out that he signed up to be on a show where you marry a stranger while recently fucking his ex and finding out that she was now pregnant. Yeah. He on a show with a new wife he treats like trash while having a pregnant woman at home. When confronted he turned into Scrappy Doo or ran away. He actually left the show four weeks into an eight week show. At the wedding his father told Paige that his son likes to fuck and she needs to handle that. That's not a red flag. That's a white one because you need to give the fuck up. She does have that wagon tho...
So Chris ain't the only dumb one in this situation. I felt bad for Paige at first because she seemed like a poor innocent woman tossed into a whirlwind of goofy bullshit. But she is a grown ass woman and made the decision to keep letting this guy back into her life. She wanted to work through his shitty behavior. The fact that he has a pregnant woman elsewhere (and even met with her and the future baby mama said she does not want to get back with Chris but accepted a Mercedes which also happens to be her name from him while Paige got some warm chicken). She would keep saying that God was gonna do this and that and that this happened for a reason and blah blah blah religion blah blah. So now it is time for decision day.
Chris returns and he apologizes to Paige. She accepts because dumb. He also says that his possible baby mama is definitely not one after suffering a miscarriage. He then runs out the room. Paige tracks him down and they return. When asked if they wanted to marry this motherfucker had the nerve to say undecided and how it is a first in the show. They were like no. Make a decision. Paige said she could not make the decision right now because what the fuck? Who raised this woman? Who are her friends? Who hurt her? She talks to a producer and comes back and says no to the marriage. The hosts (meaning two therapist and a pastor) call Chris out for trying to play them and Paige so he gets mad. This guy ain't shit. Paige is dumb. What sucks is that I know she will end up with either Chris or a guy just like him. There is no shortage of women like this and guys that are ready, willing, and able to snatch them up and ruin some more lives. Grade: F-
This show was fucking crazy and dull at the same time. Once Chris was gone we were stuck watching a bunch of lame ass people drinking and arguing. Like I said, I have been watching more shows and will likely write about some of them later because I love messy shit and these kinda shows are the personification of it.
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