Theater Whore: Fast Five

I tried to not like this film. I seriously did. I was mad at how much it made when it debuted and couldn’t understand how this movie could pull in so much money with actors who aren’t really known for blockbusters. But I have to admit when I am wrong. Fast Five was pretty good.

Let me state that I refused to watch the third and fourth films. I saw one and two and the second one left a bad taste in my mouth. So it took me a while to give this movie a chance. The premise is pretty basic. Fast cars being used to either steal faster cars or money. In this case its both. It takes place in Brazil and I am terribly upset at the lack of hot Brazilian ass. Too many skinny dames running around wearing nothing doesn’t do a thing for me.

Once again Vin Diesel (XXX, Babylon AD, Pitch Black) stars once again as Dominic Torreto, a man who is the best at driving. While hiding out they hear about a really good job that pays a lot and should be relatively easy. Of course it all goes to shit when people start stabbing each other in the back. This leads to an even bigger job coming up and they’re gonna need help.

Bring in the crew from the other films!

I wont even list all the people in this film but I have to bring up Paul Walker (Flags Of Out Fathers, Into The Blue, Timeline) as Brian O’Conner is there since he’s been in every film even when Vin Diesel wasn’t. Paul Walker is a terrible actor. No, I didn’t expect this movie to be full of great acting. I’m not stupid. Often. But, Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, this guy is robotic. He never alters his tone. You can not sound the same when you find out your girl is pregnant, when you’re driving over 100 mph dragging a safe down the street, or diving from rooftops.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (Tooth Fairy, Get Smart, Doom) is in this movie and is way too bad ass as Luke Dobbs. As soon as he and Diesel are on the screen at the same time I am just waiting for them to go at it. And when they finally do it is well worth the wait. The beat the piss out of each other!

If you like fast cars, explosions, or skinny chicks wearing nothing then see this film. Like I said, it was better than I thought it would be and worth it if you’ve seen the other films. The car chase at the end (involving the giant safe) is way past outlandish but funny. I just sat there wondering how much it would cost to repair the city after all the shit they did. Mad that there was no Michelle Rodriguez, but apparently she died in one of the past films. Boo.